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- If your SO is hit by a car and badly injured, you will not be allowed to see them in the hospital. They may die without the chance to say goodbye.
- If your SO survives the car crash but faces a long recovery, during which they are unable to work for several years, their disability payments will be based on a fraction of their former salary, not yours. If you are married, the base is whoever's salary is highest. For some couples, this is a big difference and affects whether they lose their home, for example.
- And of course there is the obvious stuff like higher taxes for unmarried people, not getting relocation benefits when the couple moves, not getting heath insurance through each other's work, etc.
Not sure where you got this info, but it is incorrect. I've never understood why there is this belief that unmarried people pay higher taxes. It's simply not true. As a single man, I've always gotten money back on my tax returns. During my 7 year marriage, no matter what we claimed, we always had to pay. I know the first one on your list is untrue as well because i've visited and even stayed overnight with a girlfriend who was in for heart problems.
Not sure where you got this info, but it is incorrect. I've never understood why there is this belief that unmarried people pay higher taxes. It's simply not true. As a single man, I've always gotten money back on my tax returns. During my 7 year marriage, no matter what we claimed, we always had to pay. I know the first one on your list is untrue as well because i've visited and even stayed overnight with a girlfriend who was in for heart problems.
Exactly. She's way off on that one. It's what was always called the "marriage penalty".
Several friends who work in hospitals (in multiple states) have told me that legal paperwork in your chart that says who is allowed to visit you or make decisions on you behalf is routinely ignored in favor of the 'legal spouse or legal family' rule, and that it's a big problem.
I'm glad to hear that some folks here have not had trouble with it. Were you conscious? I think the issues are mainly when the patient is not.
Glad to know I was off about the taxes. Social security -- is that the biggest bugaboo? How do people make up for the shortfall?
Several friends who work in hospitals (in multiple states) have told me that legal paperwork in your chart that says who is allowed to visit you or make decisions on you behalf is routinely ignored in favor of the 'legal spouse or legal family' rule, and that it's a big problem.
I'm glad to hear that some folks here have not had trouble with it. Were you conscious? I think the issues are mainly when the patient is not.
Glad to know I was off about the taxes. Social security -- is that the biggest bugaboo? How do people make up for the shortfall?
I'm not a financial expert, but I do remember one time where a guy who was a financial expert made a page on the internet showing how a guy who simply cohabitates with a woman can reap the exact same financial benefits as if he married her. A clever accountant can get an unmarried couple on the same page as a married couple.
I'm not a financial expert, but I do remember one time where a guy who was a financial expert made a page on the internet showing how a guy who simply cohabitates with a woman can reap the exact same financial benefits as if he married her. A clever accountant can get an unmarried couple on the same page as a married couple.
True. You can have every last cent split evenly (mine v yours) in a cohabiting relationship with the help a financial planner/adviser.
Several friends who work in hospitals (in multiple states) have told me that legal paperwork in your chart that says who is allowed to visit you or make decisions on you behalf is routinely ignored in favor of the 'legal spouse or legal family' rule, and that it's a big problem.
I'm glad to hear that some folks here have not had trouble with it. Were you conscious? I think the issues are mainly when the patient is not.
Where are you getting all your (mostly wrong and alarmist) info?? Look, if medical staff are ignoring patient directives, there should be some administrative or legal repercussions. Just because it may have happened with some friends of yours doesn't mean it happens everywhere. I have NEVER heard of such a thing. Every hospital requires you to sign a HIPAA-mandated doc saying who they can release your medical info to. If they ignore it, sue them. In the case of emergency situations, the healthcare power of attorney should be able to fill out the release form & make decisions. If that is ignored, sue them. If you & your domestic partner don't have the powers of attorney & other such docs in place, shame on you. You kinda deserve what you get. EVERYONE, married or not, has to have a legal doc in place that says SO AND SO gets to see my info & speak for me. For married people, that's often the marriage license (depends on the state). For unmarried people, it's a power of attorney. Sorry, but you appear to be whining about stuff that really shouldn't be an issue.
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Glad to know I was off about the taxes. Social security -- is that the biggest bugaboo? How do people make up for the shortfall?
Social Security is the only thing that could be a problem for a surviving non-spouse. However, if not getting your partner's SS upon the partner's death is going to bankrupt you, then you & your partner really did a crappy job of retirement planning. 401k and IRAs all have beneficiary designations -- you can leave the money to anyone you want. You can leave every asset you own to a non-spouse. If Social Security is the lynchpin of your retirement, you're more screwed than just being unmarried.
I really fail to see why you're so jacked up about all this. Yes, unmarried partners have to do a little extra work in most states to get things set up from a legal standpoint, but really ... I think they should HAVE to. It's the same with benefits offered by private employers. You have to have SOME way to indicate a domestic partner, lest the abusers of the world abuse the system. Employers don't want to have to pay (via their group rates) for you to insure your neighbor "just because." Hospitals can't have any Joe off the street in the ER with unconscious you just because they SAY you'd want them to be there. There has to be a way to identify persons of legal significance. One way is to get married -- which is, to the state, simply a legal contract. In the absence of that, you have to establish some legal standing for the other person. Why so much angst?
Ah ok. The "saving up for penalties" threw me. I thought I might be charged for not wanting to get married.
I think it's throwing people because the premise doesn't make much sense.
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Originally Posted by dogluvr2013
I don't get the question. If you each have your own insurance, disability, etc, I don't see why there would be a problem. I can see there would be a problem if one couldn't get health insurance or something like that? The tax breaks for being married aren't all that great and I think there are circumstances you may end up paying more.
I think there are some things like medical decisions and inheritance issues but most can be addressed in a living will.
Absolutely. My husband and I are in that sweet spot of combined income where we get the royal screw.
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Originally Posted by NilaJones
...until one of them gets hit by a car, or has to stay home to take care of a child who has cancer. Or chooses to stay home with healthy children rather than put them in day care.
So how did they handle the social security issue? If there is a way to recoup that particular hundred grand, legally, without being married I would LOVE to know!
Even tho my husband wasn't working while he was in college he did not qualify for need based assistance from his university because we were married and my income was too high for anything. It could have saved us ten's of thousands because academic scholarships that are need based at his uni cover the entire tuition if you earn little enough. I know this because that pretty much paid for my undergrad and I wasn't married at the time. That's far more real than this bit of fiction you have going. I say fiction because the vast majority of unmarried couples result in dissolved relationships long before there's opportunity to tap SS. Even with our high divorce rates unmarried couples exceed dissolution significantly. Although, it may be different for same sex couples.
Anyhow, there are pros and cons to both situations. It's a massive responsibility to be legally tied to another person and it can scr3w you in so many ways. A lot of work goes into it when doing it right.
Where are you getting all your (mostly wrong and alarmist) info??
From my own life experience.
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I say fiction because the vast majority of unmarried couples result in dissolved relationships long before there's opportunity to tap SS.
Even if you get divorced when you are 28, if you were married 10 years or longer and don't remarry, it's based on your ex-spouses income (or yours, whichever is higher). Folks who meet a new sweetie later in life sometimes choose not to marry them for this reason.
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I seem to have hit a nerve with this thread, but I can't figure out why people are so upset. And even, in the case of skaternum, projecting their upset onto me.
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