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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I'll tell you the exact reason why all the profiles sound the same. Most people acknowledge that the profile usually matters about 10% intially. Why do you think dating websites offer a big picture, and maybe a headline or a key sentence from the profile? No one cares about the profile, they care about the attractiveness of the person. Even I can admit, the profile picture dictates if I'm going to read their profile. If I feel the person is someone I would want to go out with on a date, I will send them a message. I imagine women check out my profile the exact same way.
Maybe, but none of the men or women I know operate that way. I want to know what they're about. What their lifestyle is, their interests, etc. There isn't any reason for me to go out and have drinks with or have coffee with someone I know I'm incompatible lifestyle wise. Why would I waste my time?
I also don't want to waste my time knowing their looking for a secondary or tertiary relationship or a switch. Again, no reason to meet or even communicate in those situations.
Maybe, but none of the men or women I know operate that way. I want to know what they're about. What their lifestyle is, their interests, etc. There isn't any reason for me to go out and have drinks with or have coffee with someone I know I'm incompatible lifestyle wise. Why would I waste my time?
I also don't want to waste my time knowing their looking for a secondary or tertiary relationship or a switch. Again, no reason to meet or even communicate in those situations.
Of course. I'm stating from a logging in since and just looking at the pictures. If I see the pictures, and I like them, then I'm going to automatically read the profile. I want the attraction and the intelligence. I don't want the attraction and no intelligence, or the intelligence and no attraction. I need both and there's a sliding scale on both. I just don't want to be at opposite ends of the scale on either one.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Of course. I'm stating from a logging in since and just looking at the pictures. If I see the pictures, and I like them, then I'm going to automatically read the profile. I want the attraction and the intelligence. I don't want the attraction and no intelligence, or the intelligence and no attraction. I need both and there's a sliding scale on both. I just don't want to be at opposite ends of the scale on either one.
I'll tell you the exact reason why all the profiles sound the same. Most people acknowledge that the profile usually matters about 10% intially. Why do you think dating websites offer a big picture, and maybe a headline or a key sentence from the profile? No one cares about the profile, they care about the attractiveness of the person. Even I can admit, the profile picture dictates if I'm going to read their profile. If I feel the person is someone I would want to go out with on a date, I will send them a message. I imagine women check out my profile the exact same way.
Yep. I rarely received messages when I did OLD, but for a while I had a disclaimer at the end that said something along the lines of 'incorporate the word ___ in your response if you managed to make it through reading all of this ' as kind of a joke. You want to know how many messages I received that incorporated that word? One. One message. It also happened to have been sent by my current boyfriend.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
dating sites do work for some people, nobody said they work 100% of the time same way people you meet at bars and through friends dont workout every time
Yep. I rarely received messages when I did OLD, but for a while I had a disclaimer at the end that said something along the lines of 'incorporate the word ___ in your response if you managed to make it through reading all of this ' as kind of a joke. You want to know how many messages I received that incorporated that word? One. One message. It also happened to have been sent by my current boyfriend.
I would have. Im pretty sure I read every profile of about every girl I was interested in. Often more then once and then I'd make comments or ask questions regarding their profile in my message so they knew I read it.
As with your current BF, I think that is a big part of the reason I had success online. I put thought into messages and didn't acknowledge looks or appearance and the persons other characteristics.
I would have. Im pretty sure I read every profile of about every girl I was interested in. Often more then once and then I'd make comments or ask questions regarding their profile in my message so they knew I read it.
As with your current BF, I think that is a big part of the reason I had success online. I put thought into messages and didn't acknowledge looks or appearance and the persons other characteristics.
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Yep. His messages were thoughtful, funny and he actually paid attention! It was always interesting to me when I'd be messaging men and they'd ask me things that were very blatantly answered in my profile. I mean, did they even bother reading it at all? I would always scan over a guys profile before asking him anything so I wouldn't look like I wasn't paying attention.
- As in real life, most people who are interested in serious relationships are also interested in starting a family. It's very difficult to find a marriage-minded potential partner who is child-free by choice.
Well, you just described me. I don't want kids and want a serious relationship. I thought it would be easy to find a man who doesn't want kiddos. So far, not so much luck!
Haha it's not so much jaded as it is jist that they all say the same crap, much of which isn't even entirely true.
Nothing wrong with any of those things just seem cliche on the dating sites.
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I'm told there are plenty of cliches among the men's profiles, too. I'm just saying the cliches don't necessarily make me less likely to want to go out with someone.
I'm told there are plenty of cliches among the men's profiles, too. I'm just saying the cliches don't necessarily make me less likely to want to go out with someone.
Yeah I have no problems with some either, just saying many did exist.
If 5'2, athletic, 110lbs with perfect D's was a cliche, I would not mind.
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' as kind of a joke. You want to know how many messages I received that incorporated that word? One. One message. It also happened to have been sent by my current boyfriend.
