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My biggest dating issue is finding women WHO DON'T have baby fever, which is one of the reasons why I am moving to a much larger city with a bigger dating pool.
I don't no abut rest but I will not spend my hard earned money at someone else children. And will not have any relationship with a women where is not child an possibility.
Your choice and believe me I doubt that anyone will be begging you to accept them and their child any time soon.
I don't no abut rest but I will not spend my hard earned money at someone else children. And will not have any relationship with a women where is not child an possibility.
This. Exactly this.
I don't know why guys need to pretend that they aren't after children. The main difference is that a guy's "biological clock" doesn't exist in the same way it does for a woman. It's generally a psychological thing and that's all, since there is generally no biological clock for a man.
Reason why more guys will be against children is rather because "having children" for an overwhelming majority of people is not just about being a biological parent, which is an ultimate motive, but also to have a child living with them and being a part of their everyday life. Connect it to the numbers of fathers who somehow end up outside of their child's life by either being reduced to a paycheck or a part-time parent, and generally to take care of children during weekends so that the mother can have sex with her lover.
This whole deal obviously affected male population of the united states with their stance to dating, marriage, children and everything regarding family life and it's so apparent when you compare and contrast it with a culture that isn't affected with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basiliximab
That's so sweet and I absolutely agree with you. Probably one of the most important priorities for me when I will be considering a marriage partner is that he wants and adores children. In my mind, it is a very manly attribute.
Never say never [unless you're already at the point where you can't have children, say in your fifties or so (if you're a girl)]. I used to feel the same way, and figured I was as I said I was going into my thirties. I would say in my mind to the people who told me I would want children one day: Ha! See--I told you I would never want children! You're all wrong! I would become very indignant when I heard stuff like that (that I would want them one day) and would say that it will never happen--and cringe at the thought of ever changing my mind; in my mind, having children was very unnatural for me. I was so sure I would never ever want any since I never felt comfortable around babies or children and never really liked them at all; they seemed rather annoying and way too expensive for the trouble.
I'm not saying you will want them one day, just that I felt exactly the same way you did once. Personally I feel that I still never will have any even though I do want them now just because I probably will not find the person with whom I will want to have them (and also that we will not be financially able to support them on largely one income which is a requirement for me).
Some posts on here say that some people want children in general and some want their own, and I definitely want my own--with the person whom I'm looking for that I don't feel I'll ever find. Definitely selfish, but it's just how I feel and I can't justify lying to myself or others.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald
This sounds so repulsive.
Well I guess I won't be looking for people that feel as you do! : )
No--I know my search isn't an easy one. Which is basically why I've given up or am trying to mentally trick my mind into believing I have done so since it seems no one ever finds anyone when they're looking.
Not more than a year ago, I would also have found the same post of mine you referenced repulsive.
I'd say men and women have unrealistic expectations. But women tend to read up and start getting warnings much earlier. Men get the short end of the stick when they find out in the thick of it.
Changes from man to man, but some examples:
What's natural isn't always easy. Natural labour and breastfeeding are things she needs to study up on in advance and needs help and support from the father. Without his support, it just ain't gonna happen. Obviously babies survive without these things, but it can be a source of guilt and turmoil for mother's when they fail. Most often due to lack of support. It would help if guys read up on this stuff first so they can see she isn't making things up.
Underestimate effects of sleep deprivation during postpartum recovery. Organs have to return to their original position. Spine needs to realign (it moves accommodate a child). A lot is happening in the weeks following recovery. A lot of men seem to reason that she's home on mat leave all day, he's at work so she should get up every time. But she's home because she is recovering. They both need sleep. Maybe they could take turns getting up or work something out.
Expect sex too soon. You have a few women who bounce back really fast and they're having sex 2-4 weeks postpartum. Most are in the 4-8 week range. My physical recovery was about 2 weeks, but I had a psychological problem postpartum. Fear of pain during sex can be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Muscles won't relax, too tight, can't relax. I didn't have postpartum depression but this took weeks to work through. Plus fatigue doesn't help.
Well I guess I won't be looking for people that feel as you do! : )
No--I know my search isn't an easy one. Which is basically why I've given up or am trying to mentally trick my mind into believing I have done so since it seems no one ever finds anyone when they're looking.
Not more than a year ago, I would also have found the same post of mine you referenced repulsive.
The way you said it is a stereotype: "when I will be considering a marriage partner"... You didn't say "when I start considering seeking for a date". Which means you probably had a few boyfriends already. Or are with one of boyfriends just because it feels good to hang around. What does that say about you as a future mother, and what does it say about any guy who gets to marry you?
Last edited by nald; 06-12-2013 at 03:39 PM..
Reason: to avoid potential cuts
I'd say men and women have unrealistic expectations. But women tend to read up and start getting warnings much earlier. Men get the short end of the stick when they find out in the thick of it.
Changes from man to man, but some examples:
What's natural isn't always easy. Natural labour and breastfeeding are things she needs to study up on in advance and needs help and support from the father. Without his support, it just ain't gonna happen. Obviously babies survive without these things, but it can be a source of guilt and turmoil for mother's when they fail. Most often due to lack of support. It would help if guys read up on this stuff first so they can see she isn't making things up.
Underestimate effects of sleep deprivation during postpartum recovery. Organs have to return to their original position. Spine needs to realign (it moves accommodate a child). A lot is happening in the weeks following recovery. A lot of men seem to reason that she's home on mat leave all day, he's at work so she should get up every time. But she's home because she is recovering. They both need sleep. Maybe they could take turns getting up or work something out.
Expect sex too soon. You have a few women who bounce back really fast and they're having sex 2-4 weeks postpartum. Most are in the 4-8 week range. My physical recovery was about 2 weeks, but I had a psychological problem postpartum. Fear of pain during sex can be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Muscles won't relax, too tight, can't relax. I didn't have postpartum depression but this took weeks to work through. Plus fatigue doesn't help.
Of course, these are just my own observations.
As caring of a person as my gf is I will have no problem catering to her needs for a while after giving birth.
I worked as a CNA in nursing homes for several years. That babies diaper will be cake compared to some of the elderly diapers I have changed
That babies diaper will be cake compared to some of the elderly diapers
That's indeed much harder than changing diapers of a baby. So many folks who speak of not wanting babies due to changing diapers never even thought that their own parents might turn into "babies" due to their inability and/or old age.
Back on topic - I think vast majority of people plans on having their biological children at some point in life. And almost every sane person has at least thought of the "baby question" at some point in their lives. Regardless of what they concluded at that point, they probably questioned it many times later on.
My opinion is that the sooner you focus on achieving a stable environment for starting a family - the better. Focusing on partying and stuff is just not for me anyways, so the choice was very simple.
As caring of a person as my gf is I will have no problem catering to her needs for a while after giving birth.
I worked as a CNA in nursing homes for several years. That babies diaper will be cake compared to some of the elderly diapers I have changed
Sounds promising.
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