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No offense, but this doesn't mean diddly squat to me.
There is something that put her thoughts on this path. You just don't know what it is. You need to figure out what the catalyst is before your marriage can be fixed.
Well, it means a lot to me. I am a man of my word and honor.
I know the two-week trip started this, but I am trying to fix this, but nothing's working.
This whole thing has been argumentative and accusative. She turned cold and angry. She doesn't allow me to touch her she doesn't take my I love you's she puts up an act in front of our children and she makes me sleep in the guest bedroom.
It hurts. It hurts.
Get her into counseling with you. Clearly, you need an intermediary to facilitate communication at this point.
She sounds like a cold person. Before any of this came up, did she ever show any coldness, indifference, or lack of responsiveness? During courtship or after the wedding?
Is there any chance someone could have gossiped idly about what might have gone on on that business trip? Might someone have seen you leaving with your partner to get drinks after work, or anything like that? Entertaining a client together, or something?
Well, it means a lot to me. I am a man of my word and honor.
I know the two-week trip started this, but I am trying to fix this, but nothing's working.
Comb through the history on your home computer. She has seen something that set her off.
Was there anything in your suitcase that could have given her any ideas? Where was your business trip?
When was her last OB appt and is she taking birth control? If so, what is she taking?
OP: You say you took a 2-week business trip with your partner. What were the circumstances that you couldn't take your wife? Yeah, you have a couple kids, but there is no Grandma to watch them for a few days?
Please don't misunderstand. I'm not getting on your case, just trying to show you her possible POV. So, why not try to make it up to her? I realize that you have to go to work and it isn't feasible to take 2 weeks off, but why not a long weekend with just her?
In retrospect, yes, I probably could've done what you said and maybe even prevented all of this, but this thing was a business trip involving mostly work and not much time for play.
But we don't get to look at things in retrospect until what's done is done.
You don't need a polygraph. You need to talk to your wife.
How long have you been married?
Is this the first time she's acted like this?
How did it get to this stage, where she confronted your business partner about it?
Have you cheated?
Please stop parceling out the details and answer these questions. ^^^
Why did you start the firm with this particular woman? You have to have been working together for a while to get to this point. Did you know her before?
For about 12 years my husband worked 80 hours a week running a manufacturing company. It was H*LL on our lives. I was a "sit at home mom," as you so lovingly put it, who grew to resent him for being away while I was left with all the details of raising our kids. It grows inside you.
The ONLY way I got him to stop the insanity was to threaten to leave.
You are now at DEFCON 1 in your marriage. The "affair for revenge" is an interesting twist for someone married to a "man of God." You need to put "the firm" on hold and address your marriage NOW.
Of part concern is the fact that she is accusing you. Of greater concern is the fact that she stated she might like to have an affair to get even.
Your wife may be bored to tears with her marriage and feeling unloved and unappreciated. Thus she wants the excitement of an affair, or has some other guy in mind or is already cheating on her own.
What wife tells her husband she wants to have an affair to get even ? What does double betrayal do to a marriage. She is not thinking straight here. Post haste the two of you need to get into counseling.
Last edited by willow wind; 07-04-2013 at 06:44 PM..
1.) She is seeing someone, since she won't let you near her. She argues, etc., meaning she could be driving you away so she could make room for someone else. Guilt and deceit can make people do weird things.
YOU may be a person of honor and your word. Doesn't mean SHE is.
2.) She is angry at something that you did, that clearly needs to be fixed. You will have to go over everything that happened during the trip, since the trip and maybe before the trip. Maybe something was said that was innocent enough to you, but going on the trip solidified a deeper meaning in her mind. Even if you told her a couple years ago that you'd never be away from her, she may have taken the business trip as something you could have declined and chose to go (thereby breaking that "promise"). Did you go on the trip fresh from an argument so that she thinks you left because of the argument to "teach her a lesson"?
If you can figure what the actual cause of all of this is, you may be able to talk to her. Unfortunately, once a person decides to leave, their mind is made up.
If you stand by the fact that you have given her no reason to doubt you, and she has done a complete 180 in her personality you need to consider that she is doing this purposefully (reason for her to have an affair) or there is a mental health problem.
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I really have to say, that many marriages are put on edge when the man is gone to work for extended hours or "married to his job". I'm sure it starts out innocently enough (to provide for the family), but I also think that the family gets to be too much and then the guys (not ALL) work longer hours to avoid going home.
Try to imagine being home all of the time with children. Children. Talking about toys. Talking about eating Cheerios. Asking about going to the bathroom. Asking why, why, why. Having to wash clothes. Then dishes. Then get groceries. Then vacuum. Then wash clothes again. Then dishes again. . . . Women who stay home with children really could use an adult to talk to - on a regular basis. They need to get out of the house and do adult things. They want to go to the steakhouse, not ChuckECheese.
I'm not saying that it's all rosy for guys. I know it isn't. But both genders have to be a little more understanding of the other person and his/her role.
This is a point I tried to make with my exhusband: I married HIM to spend time with HIM. Not so he could zone out and watch TV for 4 hours every night. I didn't want ALL of his attention, but some would have been nice.
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You need to talk to your wife.
