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A lot of people talk about lowering your standards, or settling for someone who isn't really what you want.
But is that even really possible? For you?
I don't think I could sustain a relationship for three months, let alone 30 years, with someone I didn't really want to be with. The whole thing would be like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Is this just because I am a bit of an introvert?
Marriage CAN be an up hill battle. The one you THOUGHT was for you may not be, but at least in the beginning it felt right and has you at the top of the "hill." However, if you're starting at the bottom with someone and are constantly having an "up hill battle," that's not good. The relationship will most likely not last. I believe people who settle could fall into this line.
A lot of people talk about lowering your standards, or settling for someone who isn't really what you want.
But is that even really possible? For you?
I don't think I could sustain a relationship for three months, let alone 30 years, with someone I didn't really want to be with. The whole thing would be like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Is this just because I am a bit of an introvert?
What does being an introvert have to do with settling? Weird.
I will not settle. I have been through too many crappy relationships to settle now. I'd rather go it alone than be irritated by someone for as long as we both shall live.
This subject has come up numerous times, I think everyone settles, on some level,... as now one is perfect....and everyone has some level of baggage that the other person wishes weren't there.
Capiche???
I think it's really a matter of semantics..... as in how far are you willing to compromise and "settle" for a given person.
I also don't think settling is a good thing. However, I am also the kind of girl that doesn't have a specific list on what guy should I end up with because I believe that there are some things that you don't have a control over. You don't decide who to fall for. If you end up with the person you love and who loves you back, even though he's not Mr. Perfect, that's not settling, that's being contented. It's about choosing to be happy.
This subject has come up numerous times, I think everyone settles, on some level,... as now one is perfect....and everyone has some level of baggage that the other person wishes weren't there.
Capiche???
I think it's really a matter of semantics..... as in how far are you willing to compromise and "settle" for a given person.
This of course is the truth. It's a fine line to walk between settling and simply being content with what you have. If I can't have an Aston Martin I guess i'll "settle" for Mercedes. So it is with everything else in life, including love.
Had my first long term relationship of 5 years end a real hard way because of this. I was attracted to her because she was one of the few woman in my life that actually wanted wanted me and I was blinded by that, even though I wasn't attracted to her from the start, the feeling of being wanted and loved just felt so damn good and I kept up with it, even after it started to feel "not right" It wasn't until I finally realized later on I was in love with how she made me feel and not who she was. Though I did like her personality which kept me attached, I grew more withdrawn because I just didn't have chemistry when I looked at her, I honestly would have to grit my teeth to say she was beautiful, but because I didn't mean it. And I hated myself and struggled with this for 5 years, trying to figure out what to do and if somehow I would grow up and get over my terrible "grass is greener on the other side" but it just got worse, among my ocd and her panic and anxiety attacks along immature decision making and poor health choices drove me nearly to the point of utter depression and her a complete wreck. I
I eventually realized it was my fault for not ending it sooner and luckily our relationship ended for many other reasons over two years ago. It's been a very rough, strange and slow road for me to walk my way back to recovery after my first real deep relationship ended.
But one things for damn sure after going through that. I will only pursue woman that I have a definitive attraction too from the start. I will not waste my time or a gals if I don't have that spark from the start, its either there, or it isn't. I won't make that same mistake twice and I expect the woman to feel the same about me and if not, we pursue other people, simple as that. Life is to damn short, I will only compromise so much after my hard 5 year lesson.
I know what I want and need from a woman in the looks department for me to be happy and truthful of how I feel about her and if that makes me seem shallow to be picky, believe me, I am A-ok with that.
Better be alone, mostly happy and true to myself then be with someone in life that I'm unhappy with from the beginning just to avoid loneliness. Not say it wouldn't be hard but i'm not going through what I did for 5 years ever again....
I guess for some of us the line between re-evaluating standards and "settling" is very fine. I have had to re-evaluate to the point that the only standards I have is she likes what I do in bed and she is willing to carve out a lot of time to actually do it.
I am not going to share accounts with anyone again so I don't care about their spending habits and I don't want a kid with anyone or to get legally married again.
I have never settled on any other aspect of my life but that's because good jobs are easy to get with my resume and with a good job I can buy the best stuff, my cutco knives don't care that im a hottie life guard at the beach lol.
A lot of people talk about lowering your standards, or settling for someone who isn't really what you want.
But is that even really possible? For you?
I don't think I could sustain a relationship for three months, let alone 30 years, with someone I didn't really want to be with. The whole thing would be like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Is this just because I am a bit of an introvert?
One moment I think that settle down is a bad idea, but second moment I realize that being alone is even worse.
It is a one of the worst habits - be alone.
And second one - excessive standarts. What will die first - you or your hopes? The older you are the more your standarts are too excessive.
It seems like the "ain't no way I'm settling" viewpoint comes largely from the XX chromosome crowd. The male responses to the question seem to show a bit more of a balanced and reasonable perspective. Funny, that.
I could theorize why this is so, but don't want to be accused of being a "mansplainer"
Proudly asserting that you'll die alone rather than lowering your standards - that's settling too btw.
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