Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There are no definitive answers. Not all ups and downs are the same. But a good relationship has way more ups than downs - and I'd say that even during some of the "downs" - you still have some moments of "up."
I always hear that all relationships have ups and downs. My main question is how long does an "up" last and how long does a "down" last in relatinships? Days, weeks, month...years? Secondly,what causes a person to stay in a relationship if their relationship is having a down. Maybe it is based on the severity of the 'down', or the persistance of the down which results in deciding on whether to continue or discontinue the relationship. Please Explain.
There's no direct or concrete answer for this. People are different. Relationships are all different. All depends on how long 2 people want to harp on the bad stuff instead of working through it. Why do people stay together? If they didn't then can you imagine how many single people would be out there and how many couples would divorce? Throughout my marriage we've had up's and down's--more than we deserved. We've had financial problems, fertility problems, loss of parents and loved ones and other random crap. We pulled through it. That's what couples who love each other do. If a person has to walk out on a relationship everytime there's a cloud over the relationship then that person needs to re-evaluate his or her life and get some therapy.
Maybe not happily. But if a marriage has regular downs, that is just not good.
That's not true at all. It depends on the types of "downs". Sometimes we can't control the lemons that are thrown at us but you bet I'm gonna make lemonade with them.
That's not true at all. It depends on the types of "downs". Sometimes we can't control the lemons that are thrown at us but you bet I'm gonna make lemonade with them.
I guess this also depends on your definition of a "down." When my father passed away - it was a down in my life - but not in my relationship. My husband - well, he was my boyfriend at the time - was there for me and helped me through it in such a way that I loved him even more. When a job that my husband was depending on got cancelled, we were both very tense and upset - and we bickered a bit more than usual. That was probably more of a down in our relationship as well as our lives. There have been tough times that we have been through that were tough in our life but only strengthened our relationship - so I don't really consider them downs.
When people say "our marriage has it ups and downs", they mean it's close to the rocks.
Wrong. And I will guarantee that you have never been married, unless it was for a brief time. Whenever any married person says "our marriage has its ups and downs" they are being truthful.
I've been married over 20 years and my marriage is far better than most. But we have definitely had long periods of downs. Why? Because life as you get older means than "downs" are part of life, which then spill into a marriage. I lost my mom last year and that's a definitely down, to put it mildly. That affects a marriage as well because one partner is grieving and desperately sad.
The generation of today seems to just discard anyone they get tired of. Marriage is a commitment. There are times when you can't stand your spouse but you still love them more than anything. That will make sense to long-married couples.
A "down" in a marriage can last a week or even a month or longer. I would be concerned if the downs went on for years without abatement. Every couple is different.
I guess this also depends on your definition of a "down." When my father passed away - it was a down in my life - but not in my relationship. My husband - well, he was my boyfriend at the time - was there for me and helped me through it in such a way that I loved him even more. When a job that my husband was depending on got cancelled, we were both very tense and upset - and we bickered a bit more than usual. That was probably more of a down in our relationship as well as our lives. There have been tough times that we have been through that were tough in our life but only strengthened our relationship - so I don't really consider them downs.
Oh it's definitely the types of "down" but also how it's handled. We've had financial downs throughout our marriage. My husband was laid off for 8 months (and it lasted through the holidays no less). We bickered--he wasn't the same person and no matter how much I tried to console him and stay positive, he was fall back into a slump. But sometimes losing a loved one can harm a relationship. A person can become depressed. We've worked through that too.
My husband and I are in a bad spot and have been for at least 9 months. Just a bunch of stuff building up for years. We've struggled, we've fought, we've raised voices, but we've stuck and we are coming out of it now. It's slowly getting better, to the point my mother said something this weekend about how happy she is to see us starting to be happy with each other again.
In that time there were ups even though we were mostly in a down. I'm grateful we seemed to have made it through but I've been married long enough to know we will be there again at some point in the future. I really think marriages go through seasons, and there are periods of time where you could happily throttle the other person. But there was never a point where I ever doubted my husband would drop everything and coming running if (and when) I needed him.
I don't know a married couple that hasn't been to the point of thinking about divorce. Marriage is hard, it is really opposite of the "me first, me number one" type of culture we live in. I guess I don't know what else to say, being married really is hard, but at the end of most days I would choose my life with my husband over being single.
Wrong. And I will guarantee that you have never been married, unless it was for a brief time. Whenever any married person says "our marriage has its ups and downs" they are being truthful.
I've been married over 20 years and my marriage is far better than most. But we have definitely had long periods of downs. Why? Because life as you get older means than "downs" are part of life, which then spill into a marriage. I lost my mom last year and that's a definitely down, to put it mildly. That affects a marriage as well because one partner is grieving and desperately sad.
The generation of today seems to just discard anyone they get tired of. Marriage is a commitment. There are times when you can't stand your spouse but you still love them more than anything. That will make sense to long-married couples.
A "down" in a marriage can last a week or even a month or longer. I would be concerned if the downs went on for years without abatement. Every couple is different.
Yes that definitely makes sense. In this past year it would have been less stressful to leave rather than stay but you still love the person.
And I think every down season that you come through strengthens the overall relationship. I think its going through the hard times together, be they financial situations caused by one spouse or deaths in the family, that really make the relationship strong. Anyone can be there for the good times......
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
