Led me on for 4 years (guys, cheats, young, friends)
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Well I've now found out she had been cheating on me with MULTIPLE guys. I feel so dejected. For those of you saying she wasn't manipulating me, you couldn't have been more wrong. She ripped my heart out and walked all over it. I wish I could have the last 5 years back. It all feels like such a waste of time in hindsight.
I don't even have the desire to find someone new. When you trusted and loved someone so much, and have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet like this, you almost lose all faith in human decency.
Well, that sucks. Sorry to hear.
Six months to a year from now, when you have healed a bit and can look back on this objectively, you will see the signs that it was happening. Learn from it, file it away for next time, but don't let this experience ruin your view of love and relationships. She does not represent all women. Not by a long shot. And not for nothing, but the best revenge is living well.
Well I've now found out she had been cheating on me with MULTIPLE guys. I feel so dejected. For those of you saying she wasn't manipulating me, you couldn't have been more wrong. She ripped my heart out and walked all over it. I wish I could have the last 5 years back. It all feels like such a waste of time in hindsight.
I don't even have the desire to find someone new. When you trusted and loved someone so much, and have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet like this, you almost lose all faith in human decency.
There you go. Everybody minimized her lies because she was young. That rationale just doesn't float in my book. You did the right thing by leaving. Now, you find out that she was cheating on you. I'm not surprised one bit. Anyone who lies a lot in my eyes can lie about anything. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck then it is a duck. When you get older you tolerate this crap less because you realize that that isn't a good relationship period. Just move on. You don't need her explanation. It isn't going to change the damage done. You most likely would never take her back again, so from this point on think about you. Think about your needs. Clearly you gave up way too much for someone who would not have done the same. It's her loss. Be happy you found out now. It sucks that it took five years, but at least you're still young enough to bounce back without letting this make you bitter. Find yourself a nice girl who won't lie to you and won't cheat on you. They are out there, you just have to be patient. From here out don't compromise your own needs. It will only make you resent that person, which is what you are doing. Not saying that you don't have that right, but don't let it get you bitter. Life is too short. There are many more people out there in this huge world who are way more compatible.
There is a little truth to the age thing. At seventeen, people aren't really mature enough to really know who and what they want. It's no excuse for what she did, but it proves maturity does matter. Now if she were 25 or older when you met her, then yes hate her all you want if that is going to help you move on. However, having said that, there still is no excuse for lying all the time no matter what age. But not knowing exactly what you want at seventeen is understandable. You two just grew apart and now want different things.
Good luck
Last edited by supermanpansy; 09-06-2013 at 11:19 AM..
Six months to a year from now, when you have healed a bit and can look back on this objectively, you will see the signs that it was happening. Learn from it, file it away for next time, but don't let this experience ruin your view of love and relationships. She does not represent all women. Not by a long shot. And not for nothing, but the best revenge is living well.
Great post and so true. Most times it takes time to see what you could not see. In time you will understand the reasons and the because right now your emotions are clouding your reality. Time does heal. Learn from this. This is how we grow and mature. By learning from the past. All this will make complete sense to you some day. It just takes time. And most likely when it all comes together you will no longer care! But don't think that she represents all women. If you take anything from this remember that. Or else you will become bitter. All women don't lie and cheat. I would assume the majority don't do these things constantly. You will find someone who you will be more compatible with and she will be an after thought..
Good luck guy.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 09-06-2013 at 12:05 PM..
I'm sorry you have been in this situation.
You should not have given up your band for her. I hate to see people giving up things to be in a relationship.
You should not have to give up who you are and what you love for a relationship. I always hated when I had a friend, and they let our friendship die for a boyfriend. I never understood why people did this?! It's absolutely absurd! When you are with the right person in a healthy relationship, your friendships and hobbies should not have to die or suffer. You should not have to give up who you are. I hope you have learned that you should not have to sacrifice who you are and what you love for someone.
But I also hope that when you do find a girl who is worthy, you won't remain closed off. One day you will meet someone good, and you won't have to give these things up, but I hope that you will give her a chance.
I too don't think that she started off the relationship at 17 "ha ha I'm going to manipulate this guy!" but at the same time yes she was cheating... at some point later on she obviously changed and decided to be dishonest. She was not a good person. I am sorry that you were a victim of her crap. But I think you are strong enough, and you are moving on and you will be the better person and she'll remain a spoiled baby who will not be a better person, obviously. You will grow and learn, and she will still be stunted and in her crappy ways. She will not be successful in relationships or life; you can be, and you will.
She reminds me of 2 people in my past. I had a boyfriend who I dated for over 3 years. We started off fast & in love, but he was bound by his family; didn't want to leave home, didn't want to advance our relationship much. Didn't have the balls to move out or make good on promises. I waited, but eventually we grew apart. When he finally did wanted to do something, it was too late. He didn't go about it well either; too many communication issues. I didn't think either of us manipulated each other; it was just that we changed too much and there wasn't a healthy bond. I think this is like the 2 of you - a lot of time can change people.
My friend was like this too - lived with her parents, was very babied and sheltered. I offered to be her roommate and get her out on her own. She acted like she desired to move out of our crap town and have a real life - but in the end she was too babied. She led me to believe otherwise, but I wasn't going to be held back. I left town with someone else and I know she was upset to be stuck alone, but hey what was I to do, I wasn't going to give up what I wanted in life just because she was too scared to leave mommy and daddy, that wasn't fair. But some people just can't leave their hometown, they are too scared and stunted in their maturity. I think this was your gf.
Take pride that you are moving on to be a success in life, a real adult who can succeed, while she stays behind with mommy and daddy, being a failure in relationships and well, everything. You moving to Toronto, that sounds exciting. Frankly, your future sounds awesome, hers sounds sucky and your rid of the dead weight.
It's not that I'm entitled to an explanation, but I certainly deserve one. After dating someone for 5 years you'd at least expect them to have the dignity to explain why they're willing to throw the whole relationship away.
As for the first comment... Being young isn't an excuse to lie. I've been honest with her, and was upfront in telling her for literally the entire duration of our relationship that this was going to happen. She clearly is a manipulative liar. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have led me on with 4 years of lies.
Why?
You got dumped, get over it and move on.
She changed her mind, she has different wants/needs now, whatever...
It's her choice as well as yours.
You are absolutely complicit in whatever happened.
It was your choice to give up your life.
Own up to your own part and move on.
<on edit>
If you spend every night together, how did she get together with so many guys?
Someone is supporting you by making her out to be a ****.
And you're playing right into it.
Last edited by chielgirl; 09-06-2013 at 01:59 PM..
You already answered your own question. My guess is that she hopes she'll marry someone who can support her in the same way her parents have. Just be glad you didn't marry her or have a child with her. Lots of guys, like I was also, have been rejected because they didn't have the $$$ the woman hoped to have.
What is it with you and women only wanting men for their money?
Geez.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBigGuy
As other people have stated, she is spoiled. Always avoid getting with a woman who has been spoiled by her parents. Spoiled women are extremely selfish and she will not change. You didn't do anything wrong. It is entirely her fault. You need to move on. Case closed.
You got all of that from hearing one side of a story?
She changed her mind, she has different wants/needs now, whatever...
It's her choice as well as yours.
You are absolutely complicit in whatever happened.
It was your choice to give up your life.
Own up to your own part and move on.
<on edit>
If you spend every night together, how did she get together with so many guys?
Someone is supporting you by making her out to be a ****.
And you're playing right into it.
Again, you need to show some compassion. Not everybody is dating expert here.
Well I've now found out she had been cheating on me with MULTIPLE guys. I feel so dejected. For those of you saying she wasn't manipulating me, you couldn't have been more wrong. She ripped my heart out and walked all over it. I wish I could have the last 5 years back. It all feels like such a waste of time in hindsight.
I don't even have the desire to find someone new. When you trusted and loved someone so much, and have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet like this, you almost lose all faith in human decency.
Not surprise at all. You sound just like my brother. He was such nice guy, a complete doormat like you. The knight in shining armor. All of my brother's ex-girlfriends used him, he buys them everything, yet EVERY ONE and I mean EVERY ONE of his ex cheats on him and then throws him away like a piece of feces when they are done. He keeps asking what went wrong. He always gets the same old answer... You are too nice, too boring, too easy, too unexciting, too nice, too nice, too nice....blah, blah, blah. All his ex can't stand his boring niceness and leaves him for the bad boys who treats them like yesterday's garbage....but you know what? These girls can't get enough of those type of guys. Go figure . Every time I hear the term, "Nice guys finish last", I think of my brother. He is a nice but he is a freaking idiot.
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. Every time I hear the term, "Nice guys finish last", I think of my brother. He is a nice but he is a freaking idiot.
