What was your experience with an internet dating site? (wife, movies, boyfriend)
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I recently joined a major internet dating site to see if I could meet someone there as I had moved to a new area. Its been like 3-4 weeks already and not a single woman has e-mailed or responded to my email. Is this common in dating sites or is it just me? I was pretty skeptical to begin with but this experience has confirmed it. Here are some interesting things I found out through my experience.
1. I didn't post a picture of myself. Maybe that was the reason I didn't get a single email or response. Its pretty pathetic I think. I thought women didn't really care too much about exterior apperance as guys do. I was quite surprised by this (maybe I shouldn't be).
2. Every profile I read said they wanted a nice, good, honest guy. Well, I am a nice and honest guy and wrote it in my profile. Maybe women say they want a nice guy but deep down they don't. I heard women actually want a bad guy cause it is a challange to them. Who knows? Maybe I should start being bad. What you guys think?
3. Women are very height conscious. I was quite surprised here (see #1) also. What I don't get is a 5 feet woman in her profile wanting only guys 6 feet and over. I just don't understand how you can say you want a nice guy and disqualify all the guys under 6 feet. Do any of you understand where I am getting at? I am a shorter guy (5'6 with shoes, I don't exaggerate).
4. Women wanting Mr. Right. I see quite a lot of woman writing they want the perfect guy. Do you realistically think you going to find one cause you wrote I want Mr. Right? I wonder how many guys exaggerate or lie about themselves to make them look better?
Yeah, I had a great one. The whole town laughed for weeks.
I made a profile on one a few years ago after I had just left a relationship; I was curious about what was out there. I never contacted anyone because the whole thing just seemed artificial somehow.
But someone contacted me. He was very active in our Elks lodge, married, and at one time was my boss. He was representing himself as single while he was still very much living with his wife. His profile even had his picture on it.
He pmed me on the site wanting to meet. So naturally I printed the whole thing out and took it down to the lodge and we all had a good laugh. Oh, and I never answered his pm.
You need to have a picture,why are you hiding if you are looking? I usually don't even bother looking at the profile if there is no picture,doesn't show honesty.If a guy IM' me or winks at me without a picture,I would not respond.How can I respond to you,I don't even know what you look like? It's not fair.
1. I didn't post a picture of myself. Maybe that was the reason I didn't get a single email or response. Its pretty pathetic I think. I thought women didn't really care too much about exterior apperance as guys do. I was quite surprised by this (maybe I shouldn't be).
You absolutely have to post a pic..Of course a person wants to know what you look like. That doesn't mean they will write you off immediately. Why didn't you post a picture is the question? Most people want to be physically attracted to the other person as well as mentally attracted.
2. Every profile I read said they wanted a nice, good, honest guy. Well, I am a nice and honest guy and wrote it in my profile. Maybe women say they want a nice guy but deep down they don't. I heard women actually want a bad guy cause it is a challange to them. Who knows? Maybe I should start being bad. What you guys think?
I don't know how old you are but that sounded very immature. Just because you say your a nice honest guy, doesn't mean everyone is going to believe you. That's yet to be seen after they get to know you. There are other things a person looks for besides that. Things in common, sense of humor etc...No you should not start being bad, that's helping noone.
3. Women are very height conscious. I was quite surprised here (see #1) also. What I don't get is a 5 feet woman in her profile wanting only guys 6 feet and over. I just don't understand how you can say you want a nice guy and disqualify all the guys under 6 feet. Do any of you understand where I am getting at? I am a shorter guy (5'6 with shoes, I don't exaggerate).
What people put in those profiles doesn't mean they wouldn't date outside of what they list. They are just saying preferences. If you have self confidence it doesn't matter about your height.
4. Women wanting Mr. Right. I see quite a lot of woman writing they want the perfect guy. Do you realistically think you going to find one cause you wrote I want Mr. Right? I wonder how many guys exaggerate or lie about themselves to make them look better?
I'm sure some of people lie on the sites, just like they do if you met them any other way. You should stop worrying about what the women want and worry about what you want and go after it..
5. Internet dating sucks........
If you think that after only a few weeks on there, then you won't meet anyone that way. My suggestion is be more positive, post your picture (recent one) and write to the women on there you are really interested in.
I dated on the single sites for a couple years on and off until I found the person I'm with now. We have been together four years, bought a house together and are very happy. Meeting people on the single sites was a completely positive experience for me. I'm still friends with some of the people I dated.
In the past I did matchmaker, match and yahoo but there's tons of them out there. Good luck and I wasn't trying to be hard on you, just trying to help.
I know several people who have met their spouses through dating sites. It works for a lot of people, but just like any other method of meeting people, it doesn't work for everyone.
I will point out a few important tips when using an online dating site.
Make your profile unique - especially in the following areas:
1. Everyone loves to laugh (well, most people do). Go a step further and give examples of what makes you laugh. Same thing with a sense of humor - don't just say you have one, demonstrate it.
2. Plenty of people love music and movies. Not everyone likes the same kind of music or movies. Give examples of specific artists or movies that you've enjoyed lately, or that are your all-time favorites.
3. Everybody thinks of themselves as nice, and no one wants to play games. These things aren't necessary to put in an ad. Someone who likes to play games isn't going to say, "Oops! Can't respond to her. She doesn't like to play games." Those who do certainly aren't going to advertise it, so these things go without saying.
3. Cliches such as enjoying moonlit walks on the beach, and equally comfortable in a tux as well as blue jeans are way overused, and run this risk of causing eyeball strain in the reader, from the severe eye-rolling. Best not to use them. (Besides, those beaches must be damn crowded during a full moon!)
By the same token, when responding to an ad, don't use a form letter. Certainly don't write, "Love your profile, read mine, let's meet." Write something that shows that you actually read the profile (as opposed to just looking at the picture). Mention things you liked about her ad. Open a line of conversation. "I see you've travelled to Ireland. I hope to go there someday. What do you recommend seeing?" Something like that.
There are a million profiles (or so it seems) on dating sites. Make yours stand out. If you're ever in doubt about your ad, ask a friend what they think - or, if forum rules allow, maybe you can post it here for objective opinions.
The first one is eye-opening. When he wasn't getting any hits, he altered his profile to make himself sound like a complete creep -- and then replaced his own picture with that of some random pretty-boy. Lo and behold, the hits started rolling in.
One of his observations pretty much summarizes his experience: "Ladies, if you really are looking online for an 'intelligent, honest, funny, and normal' man like me -- as so many of you insist you are in your profiles -- you need to stop asking the insulting question about 'Are all the good men gone?' and seriously shape the [f#&k] up. (Emphasis original.) Being unreceptive to 90% of the male population is no way to meet the type of man you claim to want. Frankly, you deserve the [a-hole] you end up with if you care only about money or looks. My sympathy for you is way past gone."
Drover - for everyone superficial women on the sites there is a man just like it. Tell your friend to go on one of the sites and do a search of men instead of women and read their profiles. He will see 45 yr old men that want women in a range of 18 to 32, many men will say athletic (meaning not fat), prefer blonds etc...I didn't read the whole blog and no offense but some of the stuff I did read sounded so angry towards women. Are you sure that doesn't come across when he's dating? There are almost twice as many women as there are men, so it should be a lot easier for a guy to meet a girl. Plus women are usually the ones that want to be in a relationship, so I would think that would make it easier for these (nice guys) to meet someone. I know some women have a long laundry list of what they want and it makes it more difficult for everyone (some of my friends) but finding a jerk is not one of the things on the list. There's a difference between being a jerk/arrogant and being self confident. Actually, there's a show on VH1, Monday nights about shy guys learning to meet women. It could apply to any guy and as a female I haven't been offended by any of the ways they show a guy to meet women. As long as the guys intentions are still to have a relationship and not just hook up for the night.
Perhaps you should have. Many of your points were addressed in them.
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for everyone superficial women on the sites there is a man just like it. Tell your friend to go on one of the sites and do a search of men instead of women and read their profiles. He will see 45 yr old men that want women in a range of 18 to 32, many men will say athletic (meaning not fat), prefer blonds etc...
From his blog: "I know there is also a fantastic number of stupid, insensitive, and loserrific men out there (because that's who the dumb, crazy women date instead of me)."
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I didn't read the whole blog and no offense but some of the stuff I did read sounded so angry towards women. Are you sure that doesn't come across when he's dating?
This is addressed at least three different times:
"I expect the usual reactions to this post. I'm a loser, I'm a misogynist, I'm a loser misogynist. I whine too much. I have to have more faith or patience. No one wants to date someone with such a sh*tty attitude (as if my attitude formed my experience and not vice versa). Men are dumb, crazy, rude, and/or superficial, too. I just hate strong, independent women, or whatever. I've heard all of it. Well, actually I've never been called a loser or misogynist, but I can certainly imagine it after this post, even if neither epithet is true. Anyway, I seriously doubt any particular bit of hate mail or encouragement is going to change my mind. None of it seems to apply to either my experience or to what I know about myself."
"For many years, this sort of thing did make me think I must be some kind of loser. And, of course, I do have my faults, like anyone else. But I've come to realize that, on balance, there's really nothing wrong with me. I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm not ugly either. I have a well developed sense of humor. I'm reasonably bright and have a college education. I'm steadily employed and have been for years. I'm not wealthy, but I'm generally financially responsible. I'm loyal, honest, and affectionate. Female friends express bafflement at my predicament. Ex-girlfriends would testify I made a fine, if not perfect, boyfriend."
"This doesn't apply to every woman. I'm sure there are plenty who are smarter, saner, better-mannered, and more complex than me and many other men. My relationship with my mother is fine. I'm not a virgin. I've had and continue to have close female friends, and they are absolutely wonderful and important to me. I've been in love (with a dumb, crazy, rude -- though not superficial -- woman). I don't think women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen at all times. In my career, I've had female bosses and even worked in a firm owned by women, and I respected and respect them all."
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There are almost twice as many women as there are men
Well, that is just flat-out untrue. There percentage point difference is about 3 percentage points, and that's only because women have a longer life expectancy than men. In fact, for every 60 persons born, 31 are male and 29 are female.
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Plus women are usually the ones that want to be in a relationship, so I would think that would make it easier for these (nice guys) to meet someone. I know some women have a long laundry list of what they want and it makes it more difficult for everyone (some of my friends) but finding a jerk is not one of the things on the list. There's a difference between being a jerk/arrogant and being self confident.
You'd think would be easier for nice guys to find women -- and maybe that's true if you're a nice guy AND very handsome and/or have a fat wallet. But I have to ask -- did you actually read the "jerk" profile he put up, along with a picture of a random pretty-boy? This goes well beyond "self-confidence." Let me post it here for you:
The best or worst lie I've ever told
"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that." No I'm not; I don't care about your stupid problems.
In my bedroom one will find...
An altar to Great Cthulhu, the blood of sacrificial virgins, and a pretty comfy mattress.
Why You Should Get to Know Me
Well, my mom likes me. Seriously, I had all sorts of perfectly good reasons here before and even "I can get you free CDs and books" wasn't compelling enough for you people. So here's the new deal: email me and I'll make something up about my bulging pecs and vast fortune or whatever it is you want to hear.
More About What I Am Looking For
At this point, I'd settle for anyone with better manners than my cats. They sh*t on the carpet, so you'd think it wouldn't be that difficult to find someone who met this minimum standard. Yet, it turns out that it is.
And yet, when women believed he looked like this:
they still flocked to his "handsome-jerk" profile.
And to reinforce the point that "nice guys" aren't exactly first in line for female attention, here's another post of his that's right on the money.
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Actually, there's a show on VH1, Monday nights about shy guys learning to meet women. It could apply to any guy and as a female I haven't been offended by any of the ways they show a guy to meet women. As long as the guys intentions are still to have a relationship and not just hook up for the night.
Apparently all it takes is to be a raving jerk and, as long as you have a handsome face, the gals will come to you.
I've also experienced this sort of shallowness first-hand. My weight fluctuates considerably, and when I'm at a reasonable weight -- and I state this with all modesty -- I am a very good-looking guy. And when I'm at a reasonable weight, I get more attention from women than I ever wanted. It does not matter that I am stand-offish, taciturn (despite my verbosity in online forums), and generally a difficult person to get along with. Or that I have a band on my finger. But as soon as the weight comes back on, the attention disappears. Strange, huh?
I did the internet dating for about a year (I barely lasted that)
I was on True.com, Yahoo.com, peoplemeet.com, tried eHarmony.com ONCE
The men I met were shallow, ignorant, LIED and I cannot even tell you how many of them were actually married (during a convo they would let something slip that gave me that idea and then I would start questioning them.. then they would tell the "truth" (or their idea of it) and say "yeah I'm married but me and the wife have been separated" LMFAO
I actually had one guy give me the **** and bull story that they are seperated and both living seperate lives but they still live in the same house together because he/she couldn't afford to be on their own. YET I was never given their home phone # etc. Nothing that could tip the so called "soon to be ex" off that her husband was screwing around on her
As for the fact that women are the ones looking for relationships? LOL
I actually met my husband on Myspace. We started out as friends (didn't even kiss till the 4th time we went out). He really wanted to be married again. He was looking not me. I stressed to him when we'd go out it was friends only (even went dutch).
I found him by not looking. I actually almost deleted him from my friends list the first time we met. Glad I didn't. He turned out to be the sweetest, sensitive loving man I have ever had the fortune of meeting. All the women that passed him up because they thought he was odd or whatnot.. their loss my gain. Every day I look at him and I literally thank God he put us in each others path.
So for the internet dating? DON'T. I've found that when you go on those sites specifically looking for relationships it stresses you both out w/so much expectation and ruins the unknown.
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