Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This girl rejected me last spring but still wanted to be friends. I graduated from school and moved away. She suggested that we exchange letters. I agreed and wrote, she wrote back.
I feel weird writing letters to a "friend." It makes me feel soft and girly. I'm really not comfortable with it. I'd have no problem writing her letters if she was my girlfriend. But since she rejected me I kind of feel like her doormat/puppy dog. I know she might not see me in this light, but it's how I feel. Are these thoughts legitimate? Or am I over analyzing things?
I think I'm going to stop. If she doesn't call me out I'll figure she didn't really care in the first place. Is this a good way to look at it?
Without going into a lot of detail, why did she reject you? For example, did she already have a boyfriend, she wasn't attracted to you, she'd previously dated one of your friends, you'd previously dated one of her friends, she thought you were too nice or too short, she thought you were too fat or too skinny, you had horrible acne, you had a reputation for being a jerk, you had a reputation for being a "playa," you had a reputation for being a racist misogynistic bigot, you drank too much, you smoked too much weed, you liked boy bands, etc.
Without knowing specifically why she rejected you, I don't think we can really give you any helpful advice.
Without going into a lot of detail, why did she reject you? For example, did she already have a boyfriend, she wasn't attracted to you, she'd previously dated one of your friends, you'd previously dated one of her friends, she thought you were too nice or too short, she thought you were too fat or too skinny, you had horrible acne, you had a reputation for being a jerk, you had a reputation for being a "playa," you had a reputation for being a racist misogynistic bigot, you drank too much, you smoked too much weed, you liked boy bands, etc.
Without knowing specifically why she rejected you, I don't think we can really give you any helpful advice.
She told me that she had trust issues. Now I'm thinking that's BS because she had a bf a month later. (they just broke up)
In reality, I believe it's because I failed to take action. She probably thought I was too nice, passive & slow.
She told me that she had trust issues. Now I'm thinking that's BS because she had a bf a month later. (they just broke up)
Overall I think it's because I failed to take action. She probably thought I was too nice, passive & slow.
It's more likely that she just wasn't attracted.
For women, attraction is mostly biochemical. (Yes, this is very different from what you will read on PUA sites.) It has nothing to do with whether you are 'passive', and is not something you can change.
If you don't like interacting via letters, don't. The point of friendships is fun; if it's not fun, why are you doing it? Not because you hope she will change her mind about dating, I trust.
Tell her what you would prefer -- keeping up via facebook, hanging out in person once in a while, IM, just running into each other around town, whatever.
For women, attraction is mostly biochemical. (Yes, this is very different from what you will read on PUA sites.) It has nothing to do with whether you are 'passive', and is not something you can change.
If you don't like interacting via letters, don't. The point of friendships is fun; if it's not fun, why are you doing it? Not because you hope she will change her mind about dating, I trust.
Tell her what you would prefer -- keeping up via facebook, hanging out in person once in a while, IM, just running into each other around town, whatever.
What does that mean "for women, attraction is mostly biochemical."?
This girl rejected me last spring but still wanted to be friends. I graduated from school and moved away. She suggested that we exchange letters. I agreed and wrote, she wrote back.
I feel weird writing letters to a "friend." It makes me feel soft and girly. I'm really not comfortable with it. I'd have no problem writing her letters if she was my girlfriend. But since she rejected me I kind of feel like her doormat/puppy dog. I know she might not see me in this light, but it's how I feel. Are these thoughts legitimate? Or am I over analyzing things?
I think I'm going to stop. If she doesn't call me out I'll figure she didn't really care in the first place. Is this a good way to look at it?
there's nothing wrong with writing letters if you expect nothing out of it. that does not seem to be the case, however.
i strongly recommend you move on with your life , specifically by finding a different woman
If you aren't comfortable writting to her then don't do it. Look out for yourself now, she rejected you so move on and find a nice girl who wants to be with you
If you have no desire to write letters to her, then simply stop doing it. Be genuine. If you have no desire to be "friends" with her, that's FINE. There is a misconception that all non-starters or failed romances automatically have to turn into friendships. It's fine if they do when both people want it, but it's also fine to decide your interest was more of a romantic nature and if she doesn't feel that way, you'd rather focus your time and energy on someone who might.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
