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Girls are unattracted not because you're nice, but because you are probably a pushover and not assertive. Girls -love- nice guys, but they also want someone who's capable, can handle himself and isn't afraid to take risks. Also, everyone (not just women) has standards and a certain criteria they want potential dates/partners to fill, and they all vary.
You cant expect someone to want you because you we're "nice" to them. You aren't owed anything, and being "nice" to someone with the expectation of affection/sex just makes you a jerk and not deserving of the attention/sex you seek.
Of course, but usually if you are a nice guy, you are also a pushover.
Chances are, aggressive guys are douches, it just goes with the personality.
Try going to a gaming convention and see why all the guys look similar: Glasses, thin or fat, etc etc
Personality traits go together.
Of course, but usually if you are a nice guy, you are also a pushover.
Chances are, aggressive guys are douches, it just goes with the personality.
Try going to a gaming convention and see why all the guys look similar: Glasses, thin or fat, etc etc
Personality traits go together.
Your situation will not change if thats the attitude you're going to have.
I'm a huge nerd. I go to cons all the time. I love gaming and can do it for hours. I write short stories all the time and yammer about story ideas with girls, and proudly go on about how Im in the fighting game tournament scene in NYC. I wear glasses, I'm 150lbs with only a bit of muscle (I make the effort to work out every now and then). I'm not a Casanova......
......yes I manage to go out on dates often enough and enjoy intimacy when both me and the woman are in the mood. I'm not "aggressive", I just choose to make it apparent to a girl that I like them if they catch my fancy and interact with them. I'm actually a pretty decent person and try to be a gentleman whenever I can without putting someone on the pedestal, which women usually hate.
If shes receptive? Awesome! If shes not? It happens, there's nearly 4 billion other women on Earth to talk to, thousands, possibly millions of others to talk to. It's a numbers game, you win and lose and like most things, you have to deal with losing a fair bit until you win.
Nice guys don't always finish last. They just sleep with a lot less women then the so-called 'bad boys'.
When women had enough fun and heartache with the bad boys, they will go for the safe nice guy who won't cheat on her and possibly provide a better future/stability for her.
Being nice and safe is very boring. Try to be a bit of a jerk to create attraction.
The problem with this situation is that so called nice guy, may not be interested in all the damage that the so called bay boy did to her. I could meet a really sweet woman, but if she's too damaged from past experiences, I'm just going to pass them by.
I'm at the stage to where if I meet someone, that would be FREAKING AWESOME, but if I don't, then I can continue to take care of myself as I have been. I rather not settle for something that gives me temporary happiness, but I know won't give me long-term happiness.
We see it here. The women who can truly take care of themselves are more indifferent to dating as a whole. They keep trying, because that's what you have to do, but they are more tolerant of dates not panning out.
Meanwhile, all the "nice guys" I know, whatever that means, get's no girls.
I am sure 99% of the guys can agree with that from their personal experiences as well.
Discuss.
I don't agree. It's mostly about looks.
I've met tons of nice/passive dudes who women throw themselves over. I knew a guy who was so shy around women when they were throwing themselves at him, I thought he was gay for a while.
I do think that at certain stages of their lives, women will pick the d'bag over the nice guy and vice versa, given looks are roughly equal, but regardless, looks control. I've tried to play the attitude guy a number of times and been shot down hard.
Being nice and a good guy won't get you anywhere with women, just like being nice and a good woman won't get you anywhere with men.
If you have problems getting women, just talk to more of them. I think that's about it.
Being nice and a good guy won't get you anywhere with women, just like being nice and a good woman won't get you anywhere with men.
Being nice and a good person is a baseline for decent human behavior, not really a selling point on the dating market. I've never dated anyone who wasn't a good guy, but that wasn't what drew me to them.
Being nice and a good person is a baseline for decent human behavior, not really a selling point on the dating market. I've never dated anyone who wasn't a good guy, but that wasn't what drew me to them.
I'm sure you'd feel a little differently if you were an unattractive woman who happened to be a lot nicer than the ******* who kept getting all the attention.
but regardless, c'est la vie. Play the game or don't play.
I think I might be forum anthropology book reading nerd, but I am currently reading a book by doctor David Givens (Ph.D, not the medical kind). The book is mostly about body language and in it, he shows some very interesting examples. One that sticks out in my mind (because of this thread) is a man who is a decent guy, nice to people, good looking, etc... but by his own account, not good with women. The book went on to say when he was out with friends, women would approach his friends and not him.
Well, they video taped him. It turned out whenever a woman approached the table, he'd lower his head and scowl at them... just for a brief second (a micro-expression) but it was enough to give the woman a "feeling" that he was unfriendly. He didn't know he was doing it. But that kind of signal, in primates, means "go away." When this was pointed out to the man, he made an effort to change--to stop doing that. Once he was able to stop, suddenly he became more interesting to women and more approached him.
The book also give other examples of body language we do and don't do that can send the wrong signals. Like men "claiming territory" which can subconsciously intimidate women... or the fact that people are more attractive in groups because they can interact and show friendly facial expressions and body language that a person sitting alone can't show. Interesting stuff really.
I guess it's only somewhat related to this thread, but in a way it is.
You ask any woman, and they say stuff like I want a nice guy who is sensitive and kind and loving and all that nonsense.
Ok great. then how come for the most part, from what I've seen in real life, the opposite is true?
The 2 guys I know who gets a different girl every month are complete douches to the girls. They would literally bang their brains out and then call a cab to send the girls home afterwards. And they are hooking up with 8,9, 10s. On the rare occasion that they have a 2 week dry spell, they would be willing to lower the bar to a 6-7.
The next guy who is third place in getting girls is no guardian angel either. He would basically spend just enough to get them in bed. After scoring it's hit it and quit it logic for him. It's worked many many times.
Meanwhile, all the "nice guys" I know, whatever that means, get's no girls.
I am sure 99% of the guys can agree with that from their personal experiences as well.
Discuss.
OH GOD. IT'S BACK! THE RETURN OF THE NICE GUY THREAD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sigh. Once again, for the remedial relationship class:
1. Being Nice and Being Interesting are not mutually exclusive properties.
2. Ergo, if you are a self-proclaimed Nice Guy and not getting the interest of women, it likely means that you're not very interesting rather than because you're nice.
3. Being a self-proclaimed Nice Guy smacks of depicting oneself as a self-pitying doormat. Women hate doormats. And they hate self-pity. They will test your boundaries and, upon learning that you'll put up with anything, will drop you like a hot potato.
4. Being a self-proclaimed Nice Guy doesn't necessarily make you a Nice Guy. It more likely means that you're a passive-aggressive wuss who just lacks testicular fortitude.
5. Being a person who goes through elaborate lengths to prove your Nice Guyness is nothing more than affected passive aggressiveness. Sir Walter Raleigh might have had the chivalry to drape his cape over mud puddles in order that a lady's shoes wouldn't get soiled, but Sir Walter Raleigh was also a bad ass who plundered the Spanish Main.
6. Conversely, just in case you're about to whine about Bad Boys, remember this: Women aren't attracted to Bad Boys per se. They are attracted to men who live their lives with zeal, guys with guts. While having guts and being nice are not mutually exclusive, staying at home and painting your Dungeons and Dragons figurines at night ain't living your life with zeal.
7. A man who complains about being rejected because he's a Nice Guy is really nothing more than an impotent nebbish who would rather complain than make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. Rather than actually look at himself and objectively think, "Gee, would I want to date me? Would I be my first choice on a Saturday night?" he cops out and blames an entire gender for his own manifest inadequacy. The lack of honesty about oneself in this situation borders on repulsive.
Want to be a real nice guy, the one with a lowercase 'n' and 'g,' the kind who actually gets a woman in his life? Follow Dr. CPG's simple steps:
1. Go out and buy some decent clothes. Invest in an issue of Esquire or GQ. Take a trusted female friend with you to help shop. Throw out 80% of your plaid and 100% of all shirts that have a software company's logo on it. Wear something with a little personality to it, rather than something that's just a notch above Grranimals. If you're over age 16, discard any rock band or Dr. Who t-shirts. Trust me. You are likely an appalling dresser mired in the world of the 15-year-old's closet and don't even realize it.
2. Get a decent freaking haircut. Trust me.
3. Get some exercise. No you don't have to pump iron two hours a day, for being a narcissist is as bad as being a Nice Guy. But, my God, look at yourself in the mirror. Get outside, get your hand out of the Doritos bag, and quit swilling Diet Dr. Peppers like there's no tomorrow. For it's doing your complexion no good.
4. Change your circle of acquaintances. Take a night class in something cool. Those are like teeming with single women looking for something to do with their free nights. Scuba diving. Cooking. Anything.
5. Quit approaching any given woman as if she is a freaking fertility goddess and start treating her like a normal human being with real-world pros and cons. If she throws out some bullsh*t, then call her ass on it. Have the basic stones to disagree with her every once in a while without making a big deal of it. Show you're no pathetic shrinking violet either.
6. Half the art of conversation is listening. When they actually score a date, way too many guys want to overwhelm women with their list of achievements, as if if they build a solid enough case with the facts at hand, the woman will rip open her blouse and shreik "Yes, Yes, take me now!" Nope. Be a good listener and she'll think you're the best conversationalist in the world. Trust me. Your time to talk will be coming soon enough.
7. If you think a woman is hotter than flowing lava, let her know. If women hate one thing more than a doormat, it's a timid doormat. Let her know in no uncertain terms that she rocks your world and you're wanting to do something about it. Don't invade her space, of course, but there's a big difference between being respectful and being a scaredy cat.
8. Stop referring to yourself as a Nice Guy. The whole world holds self-proclaimed Nice Guys in absolute contempt, right down there with Congressmen and aluminum siding salesmen. The minute you refer to yourself as a Nice Guy in public, the world just looks at you like some neutered animal. Just be a guy with a sense of right and wrong. Is that okay?
There. Practice these steps and get busy. Because life is a freaking banquet and you are choosing to starve to death.
I'm sure you'd feel a little differently if you were an unattractive woman who happened to be a lot nicer than the ******* who kept getting all the attention.
I don't think I've ever made any references to what I look like, so it's amusing that you assume that I must be very attractive and swimming in men. I'm certainly not the kind of woman who gets accosted by male attention every time I leave the house, which according to the men on the internet is impossible. I've rolled my eyes at plenty a horrid woman who has men throwing themselves at her. So it goes.
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