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The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Study? What is there to study? That makes it sound like work. It's just fun. Getting your lady friend off and having them want more isn't something you study, it's something you embrace. It "should" come naturally. The only "education" I ever has was being in middle school and listening to dr. ruth under the blankets (I might be dating myself there). Otherwise, it's just about not being selfish, not having hang ups (that's gross! haha), wanting to get your mate off, and two way verbal and non verbal communication (don't be clueless).
Study? What is there to study? That makes it sound like work. It's just fun. Getting your lady friend off and having them want more isn't something you study, it's something you embrace. It "should" come naturally. The only "education" I ever has was being in middle school and listening to dr. ruth under the blankets (I might be dating myself there). Otherwise, it's just about not being selfish, not having hang ups (that's gross! haha), wanting to get your mate off, and two way verbal and non verbal communication (don't be clueless).
There is nothing to study.
Yeah, I agree with this. Plus, every "partner" is different. A guy can be fantastic lover to one girl, he perhaps will not be one to the other girl.
Plus, exploring each other's body is part of the fun. Like timberline pointed out, it should come naturally.
Study shmudy, I don't study how to be a good lover because good lovins is a natural talent of mine. Every woman I've ever been with came back for more, so I'm obviously doing something right.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
Yeah, I agree with this. Plus, every "partner" is different. A guy can be fantastic lover to one girl, he perhaps will not be one to the other girl.
This is what I reference when I speak about wanting to know if we're sexually compatible on the "early vs waiting" sex threads. Some people are just plain BAD in bed, but more often I think there is just a "we're not a good match" and that person (or me) are more suitable to someone else. There is adaption between lovers of course, but there are differences to large to over come a lot of the time.
Spoiling your woman on sex early on will lead to countless demands for more great sex, even if it means a tough Wednesday on the job after getting 4 hours sleep. I know this sounds terrible, but it plays out this way, it is human nature.
Imagine a man 3 years into a relationship feeling pressure to take his woman to orbit 3 times a week. Would be better for life balance if the sex is just so-so, orgasmic but brief. And this is assuming she is still attractive!
No doubt the opposite is true too. Have a woman give good oral to her man early and often, and he'll expect it for ever and ever.
Give me a fine young thing one time, and I'll want to be a byonic Casanova or Valentino all night long.
To be honest, although one of my friends slept with a guy that had no concern for her pleasure whatsoever, either I've been very lucky or really selfish lovers aren't the norm. I've been with very few men - but we learned from each other. I've never been with a woman so I don't know how different we are but I know that the men I've been with all liked different things. I think it's more about the willingness to learn from your partner and less about studying up on sex as a whole. Just my 2 cents.
Oh - and I think sometimes bad sex is simply about people not being sexually compatible - not necessarily that one person is bad at it.
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