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The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
Ok, this one I can answer. I'm not bragging, ok, got it? But I've slept with my fair share of women. One thing I can tell, you probably unlike us men, is you ladies are all different. Sure, there are some common denominators going on, but your buttons and how to push them physically are never the same. And in my opinion, this is a good thing.
I believe I can have relations with any woman, and wow her to a certain extent right out of the gate. But me, personally, just being good is NEVER good enough. As a male, with an intact ego, a pleaser by nature, I need to rank up there among the best, shes had. And unless I was lied to a lot, I usually have been. But that often takes time, sometimes it does not. You women are often challenging, want us men to just figure it out (and guys like me can and do) but it's often difficult.
I will say most women enjoy all sorts of varying techniques depending on the environment and mood. That alone can confuse a guy and take time to get to know.
Most of the women I've been with like, slow, soft, cuddly to start and I build them up and up to a point we loose control together. It's all in the timing and listening to her MANY cues. Not always easy depending on the female.
For the female, this can be confusing to. Guys are sensitive. We probably might get the wrong idea of she just blurts out demands, or dirty talk, etc, etc. It's best when it leads to that sort of thing.
In my questioner post, I'm sort of looking for a pattern I guess. So far, with the limited responses, there seem to be a few, but not many.
To be honest, although one of my friends slept with a guy that had no concern for her pleasure whatsoever, either I've been very lucky or really selfish lovers aren't the norm. I've been with very few men - but we learned from each other. I've never been with a woman so I don't know how different we are but I know that the men I've been with all liked different things. I think it's more about the willingness to learn from your partner and less about studying up on sex as a whole. Just my 2 cents.
Oh - and I think sometimes bad sex is simply about people not being sexually compatible - not necessarily that one person is bad at it.
I think their partner should be their main teacher. As the skill/ability to please is partner dependent.
These must be preceded by the willingness to please. That's the key. I don't care what skills he does or doesn't have, as long as he's willing to learn and apply those new skills with enthusiasm.
These must be preceded by the willingness to please. That's the key. I don't care what skills he does or doesn't have, as long as he's willing to learn and apply those new skills with enthusiasm.
Exactly, My partners were willing to please, willing to learn, enthusiastic, and energetic... I could figure that all out before anything physical ever happened - you don't need a book to study for that....
To be honest, although one of my friends slept with a guy that had no concern for her pleasure whatsoever, either I've been very lucky or really selfish lovers aren't the norm. I've been with very few men - but we learned from each other. I've never been with a woman so I don't know how different we are but I know that the men I've been with all liked different things. I think it's more about the willingness to learn from your partner and less about studying up on sex as a whole. Just my 2 cents.
Oh - and I think sometimes bad sex is simply about people not being sexually compatible - not necessarily that one person is bad at it.
Agreed
Learning to be good at sex in an academic environment would be like learning how to be a baseball pitcher by reading a book. instead of practicing and playing the game. Sure, the book will tell you tons of great advice on mechanics, attitude, situational awareness, strategy, everything that should and needs to happen.
However, you can also learn all that through on-the-job training. Academic study is not necessary. The fastest way to learn and develop all aspects of your game tends to be to step foot on the field with your team and work with them. Not only so you can do your part, but so the team has a real chemistry and works well together.
Sex is sort of the same thing. You do not need academics to learn the basics of what is generally pleasing, or how the mechanics of it should work. It may provide tips, but really, getting in there with your partner, developing a communication, and working together is what really can build a winning team.
(Of course, some teammates never gain chemistry or play well together either).
The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
Read the Kama Sutra in college, and a few other books... One in particular on erogenous zones was particularely helpful.
I have had no complaints. One of the reasons is probably because I have this weard mental block.
I can't "get mine" till after she "gets hers"... So it's, ummm necessary for me that they orgasm early and often.
I'm also pretty "touchy feely" which surprises women for some reason...they say it doesn't fit my personality.
I also ask, and listen....
So, well, women are pretty happy with me. I've had them call me up YEARS later even... More than a couple.
honestly most guys just dont care. there's kinda a double standard. think about how many women will give go home with a guy from a bar, give him oral and get nothing back. there's kinda a double standard that guys need to be pleased and women need to work wiht what a guy puts out, or get themselves out. i think there's alot to that
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And in my opinion, this is a good thing. 
Agreed
