Why don't more men study how to be good lovers? (married, girls)
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If a man is not pleasing a woman sexually, there are only so many reasons as to why (assuming the woman is otherwise sexually interested in the man).
1. The woman hasn't helped "instruct" her partner as to what in particular pleases her.
2. The man has been shown/told but he isn't paying attention. Some guys are slow learners!!!!
3. The man is into it for himself and doesn't care how his partner feels about their sex life. This can be because he is selfish and only interested in his own needs . . . or it can be because he is not that interested in his partner as a whole person. Either way, it would be a dismal situation for the woman in his life.
Being a good lover is a learned skill. And lessons learned with one woman may not transfer well to another - or at all. I've learned a lot from reading, but you have to try it for real to learn it. I've learned more from listening, trying different things, and noting responses. A lot depends on the mood and energy level at the time. What works and keeps things interesting keeps changing.
Taking the time to slowly run your fingers through her hair, across the forehead and cheekbones, then gently massaging the trapezius, gradually moving up to the back of the hair line, then ever so gently caressing her shoulders and back, outer and inner arms (spending time on the wrists and inside of the elbows) slowly drawing your fingers down her sides with a circular motion around the breasts, then moving to the inner and outer thighs, while leaving gentle kisses behind her knees as you alternate between barely touching her and gentle caresses can only be learned from experience.
A book will not give a man the patience he needs to get her fully relaxed and immersed in the experience before he even begins love making, that has to come from inside the man.
The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
How much "studying" do women do in order to please men? Answer that question first.
The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
I have a 12 shelf bookcase next to my computer, one shelf is dedicated to books about sex and how to improve and be better at it. Some of them are highly illustrated, applied, step by step. Others are more theoretical and you have to extrapolate improvised techniques from them. I have created formal models of behaviors pertaining to sexuality and have run tests on my own that mirror almost experiment-like conditions, it could never be published in a journal because of ethical considerations.
I also have a set of DVDs made by two bisexual female porn stars that were made to teach men how to please women through non-porn methods. Explicit but educational. Step by step in real life. You can see how they work.
I'm not ashamed of human sexuality and prominently display the items on my bookshelf. But it makes some people uncomfortable, which is one reason that men might not be to open about it. I don't make a big deal about the books, or talk about them unless someone asks me directly; but there have been moments where other people have mirror-imaged why they would need books on me, such as the logical fallacy:
"I don't know, why do you need SO MANY books to tell you what to do? I would wonder that. Most of us figure it out as we go along, naturally, perhaps a supplemental read here and there but not a whole collection of 'SEX HOW-TO'S'. Creepy."
I have quarterly performance reviews, key performance indicators, a vision statement, a mission statement, etc. You need to have some measurement instrument to measure your progress and assess improvement.
The thing that stood out for me in the responses to those threads was how relatively rare men who are good in bed are. Why don't more men work on this skill? Do they think it can only be learned IN bed? Do they think women are so different that no skills are transferable? Or do they think porn is a good source? (That would explain a lot....)
Guys here, where do you learn? What non-porn websites have been useful? Do you take tantra and body awareness workshops alone? If not, why not?
Nila, men and women do "study" how to be good lovers, hence the reason there are so many one night stands.
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