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(speaking as a 31 year old male... College graduate, healthy 18 month relationship with a divorcee who doesnt want kids, good relationship with my mother etc.... with no desire to get married or have kids):
It's likely a combination of both.
People being vocal here (I don't bring it up, but like this ill chime in occasionally when it comes up)
And more men not wanting to get married (or in some cases... Having been burned and not willing to do it again.) likely (IMHO) from a combination of "being able to get the milk" and the way the courts are dead set against the guy in any divorce.
Unlike Ruth, while a decent % of my friends are married, many have made the same choice I have (and according to our conversations for similar reasons) so it likely depends on "who you know".
Most of the married guys say if their marriage ends... They are done.
Longwinded way of saying: both!
You make a good point about thinking it is the people who have have "been burned" who wouldn't do it again, yet it seems many who have been through it are not afraid to do it again. My ex cheated on me, and that hasn't crippled me from getting back out there and finding love again.
It seems, at least on here, that the most fearful are the ones who have experienced nothing at all.
I think it really must suck to sit on the sidelines of your own life.
You make a good point about thinking it is the people who have have "been burned" who wouldn't do it again, yet it seems many who have been through it are not afraid to do it again. My ex cheated on me, and that hasn't crippled me from getting back out there and finding love again.
It seems, at least on here, that the most fearful are the ones who have experienced nothing at all.
I think it really must suck to sit on the sidelines of your own life.
Just because they don't want to get married again.... Doesn't mean they "sit on the sidelines"
Anymore than I do!
I have a VERY healthy relationship with my redhead. And (as I've said before) if either of us wanted kids.... I'd seriously contemplate marriage. But since we don't (I'm not 100% against it, just don't have any significant drive to do so) I don't see any reason TO.
heck! Most of my married friends, and ALL of those with kids are envious of our lifestyle!
That said: not all of the "swearing off" sticks.
One of my friends had his wife cheat on him "because she was bored" while he was working 90 hour weeks to help get them out of debt (she worked less than 40, their family helped with their daughter)
He swore off marrage... and now is contemplating an engagement about 2 years later!!!!
My question is, are men who have made that choice over represented on CD, or am I just unaware how many men have made that choice because at 44, I am a bit older than a lot of CD members?
There is not enough data to make any sort of assessment. Unless CD has demographic data of site users, you cannot know. The other part is posters who can be anonymous can be any sort of person they want on this sort of forum or any other internet site.
I want to make clear, I respect people's right to make the choice not to marry or to have children.
But the number of posters on here, mostly men, who are adamant that they never want marriage or children seems huge. It seems far more common in CD than in the world around me generally.
My question is, are men who have made that choice over represented on CD, or am I just unaware how many men have made that choice because at 44, I am a bit older than a lot of CD members?
It's actually not a CD related movement. There are many movements, mostly with an online member base, in the Western world (mostly US and the UK) that claim to speak for men's rights and men's interests. The most well known are Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and the Men's Rights Movement (MRM.) The former is more of a catch-all term for guys who reject traditional relationship structures while the second is an organized group active in politics.
They are an interesting bunch, from a sociological perspective. They have some good ideas, some bad ones, and some downright batty ones. But like the feminists, they have a myopic worldview that is colored entirely too much by one factor: gender. Not getting married in today's economic climate is actually not a bad choice, practically speaking, but MRM types tend to turn it into a gender politics question rather than an economic one. Women are not to blame for the fragility of the modern family unit; it is so much more complicated than that.
Last edited by Inebriated Duck; 11-25-2013 at 02:50 PM..
Being 33, I think I know myself well enough at this stage to realize what I want and don't want I life to make me happy, and not having kids is key for me to maintain my happiness. It just blows it makes the dating scene harder for me is all
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with no desire to get married or have kids):
