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I dated someone for two months (August 2013 - October 2013) who has four kids. We both wanted a long term relationship, but she also later told me that she wanted to get married in two years and she wanted a father figure for her four kids. Dating someone with four kids is completely different from marrying someone with four kids. I told her that I didn't think that I would get married at this point of my life because I was afraid of commitment after what happened to my parents' marriage. I told her when I broke it off in early October that I don't think that I will get married but if I ever get married, it will not be someone who has four kids with someone else.
I was always scared of the fact that she had four kids with someone else, and shortly before I broke up with her, she told me that I could be a stepfather for her kids. She told me that weekend before I broke up with her that if she has dated someone for two years, she would be wondering why he has not married her yet. Even before I broke up with her, I told her that if I taken on the four kids that were not even mine, of course, there would have been medical expenses, dental expenses, college tuition for the four kids that are not even mine. I even mentioned to her that if I had married her and she later divorced me for whatever reason, she would have custody of the four kids, and the four kids would just go back to her since they were her kids to begin with. Of course, I can't discipline the four kids because I am not their real father anyway.
I truly loved her and I told her more than once that she is the woman I would have married if I had met her 10 years ago, if she had not been married to someone else at that time, and if she didn't have four kids with someone else. At that point, I didn't think that I would ever date someone again who has more than two kids with someone else.
But after I broke up with her in October 2013, during the next couple months, I dated a few women and to be honest, I had sex with a couple women. But I was still in love with my ex-girlfriend, and I kept thinking about her and texting her as always. During the months after the breakup, she actually went back to her FWB who is still married to someone else, but he was her previous FWB whenever she wasn't seeing anyone else. She always felt guilty having him as her FWB since he was still married.
Earlier this month, my ex-girlfriend and I went to a concert together. We talked about everything that happened in our relationship after I took her home. I went to a restaurant with her and her youngest child the next day. We talked more at her place later that afternoon, and I told her that I was still in love with her. We hugged each other, and the following weekend, I visited her and the kids. She recently broke it off with her FWB, because he was still married and that concerned her, but he still contacts her but only as a longtime friend. I am dating my ex-girlfriend again after I recently got back together with her. Honestly, I don't know how this will turn out. Although she knows that I would never marry anyone with four kids with someone else (that was why I broke up with her in the first place), we still got back together anyway. I don't know if she is just keeping me around until she finds someone who would be willing to marry, or if she finally accepted that it would be hard to find any guy to take on four kids from someone. I guess only time will tell.
You are both wasting each other's time. Next thing you will knock her up. She is after all very fertile. And she will find herself a babymama to 5kids.
Women with kids know its an undesirable trait & they tend to overcompensate for it by staying fit, mothering their spouses & sometimes going overboard like giving a man money, providing him with accomodation & often neglect their kids to date. Thats how they find time to date in the first place. I can see how that can be attractive to some men.
And how good is it for children to grow up in single parent homes with no relationship dynamics to witness?
Your argument seem to be assuming that there is only 1 unit of time available to be spent either on her partner or on the kids.
I think that in opposite to what you seem to think it's good for the children to learn they are not always the center of attention, and that they benefit from a mother that both gets support(I don't mean money I mean with taking care of random everyday crap) from a man, and takes some time for herself rather than living through the kids.
I just don't think the "overmothering" mentality of putting the kids "first, second and third" all the time is necessarily a good thing, especially not for children who are supposed to grow up to responsible, independent human beings.
There is a difference between letting the kids "flap their wings"/"explore a bit" and total neglect of all their needs.
Sure, the kids should be first priority but somewhere on the list of priorities the mother needs to have herself on the list too, or get imbalanced.
Women with kids know its an undesirable trait & they tend to overcompensate for it by staying fit, mothering their spouses & sometimes going overboard like giving a man money, providing him with accomodation & often neglect their kids to date. Thats how they find time to date in the first place. I can see how that can be attractive to some men.
I don't know any parent that would neglect the needs of their child to date. You associate with some lovely people...where do you find them?
My friends aren't the ones who are judgmental. I am. And I have a fiance, who feels the same way and can't understand why a bunch of guys want to attach themselves to these women with kids when there are plenty without they are overlooking.
So boo for you and your theory.
There are plenty of women without kids who rejected me so the fact that there are lots of childless women is meaningless if they continue to reject you. I hate the whole baby sitter issue but I also get tired of being rejected. There is also the issue at my age a woman with out kids biological clock is ticking so there will potentially be a lot of pressure.
I have far too many goals in life to be saddled with child support and alimony for decades.
I don't know any parent that would neglect the needs of their child to date. You associate with some lovely people...where do you find them?
I don't understand how a woman with four young kids even has time to ""date"". But hey if you lay with flies you will catch fleas. She tried to date with 4 young kids & landed a loser like OP. Why are you defensive? Are you a baby mama as well?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire
I don't understand how a woman with four young kids even has time to ""date"". But hey if you lay with flies you will catch fleas. She tried to date with 4 young kids & landed a loser like OP. Why are you defensive? Are you a baby mama as well?
You do know that there is usually (not saying in this case) an ex husband that takes the kids half the time, right?
I don't understand how a woman with four young kids even has time to ""date"". But hey if you lay with flies you will catch fleas. She tried to date with 4 young kids & landed a loser like OP. Why are you defensive? Are you a baby mama as well?
I find you offensive also, and I have no children.
I know a few single moms and they date when the child is with the father, otherwise they stay home and are great moms.
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And how good is it for children to grow up in single parent homes with no relationship dynamics to witness?
Your argument seem to be assuming that there is only 1 unit of time available to be spent either on her partner or on the kids.
I think that in opposite to what you seem to think it's good for the children to learn they are not always the center of attention, and that they benefit from a mother that both gets support(I don't mean money I mean with taking care of random everyday crap) from a man, and takes some time for herself rather than living through the kids.
I just don't think the "overmothering" mentality of putting the kids "first, second and third" all the time is necessarily a good thing, especially not for children who are supposed to grow up to responsible, independent human beings.
There is a difference between letting the kids "flap their wings"/"explore a bit" and total neglect of all their needs.
Sure, the kids should be first priority but somewhere on the list of priorities the mother needs to have herself on the list too, or get imbalanced.
To each her own! I personally do not like to see people with 4 kids dating. Where I come from, the decent thing to do is date first, get married then have those 4 kids. IMO dating after 4 kids is doing things backwards. Looks like I'm right because even the man who is laying in bed with this woman is not taking her seriously. Not serious enough to marry her. she is just a c** bucket! YIKES!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Wow, so where you come from there is never divorce. I thought that occurred in all 50 states.
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