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If a man marries a woman and knows she's paying off loans, as long as they understand that this is part of her financial picture and her budget and they still have a good budget in spite of it, it should not be an issue.
Same as if a woman marries a guy who was an art major and he's paying his off. Eh... people do what they can to get an education.
Thing is, I dunno that decent women (or men) are looking for someone to pay the bill. The sort that would be looking for a meal ticket is to be avoided regardless.
Agree with that, I was just saying that its likely the man will be footing most the bill in a marriage where both people went to college.
Gave birth as a single mom, paid for it with cash after what my insurance covered.
Was married with my 2nd kid and my husband was a college student... we had to go with Medicaid. Was MARRIED.
By 3rd kid, I made sure I had student insurance, because having a kid on Medicaid sucks, even if you are smart enough to find one of the few regular doctors in town who accepts it and you can avoid having a baby through a health department.
I feel for anyone who has to use any sort of government money. That was pretty much my very limited experience with it and it sucked. My husband had a job that had benefits, but his parents urged him to go back to school full time for the family without thinking about the fact that no insurance would cover me with a pre-existing pregnancy. Eh.
Key word is this. In fact - people forget that insurance companies are FORCED BY LAW to cover pregnancy costs for their insurance programs.. or at least most of the usual costs. There is a reason why this is being done - to transfer costs upon rest of society's members, even though they have nothing to do either with the child or any say regarding the future child.
Legislators know this very well that insurance companies would, if law wasn't obliging them, rather chose to cover abortion costs at best, because pregnancy is not a disease but a personal choice solely at the hand of the pregnant woman on proceeding it or not, coupled with contraception being widespread and well-known and advertised in education and society in general, its costs subsidized as well, and abortion being legal and done on request.
Don't believe me words? Check out some transition countries where law never made insurance companies obliged by specific law - they usually only cover abortion costs, if even that.
One of ridiculous facts on baby industry costs is that U.S. pre-natal care, childbirth, c-section, fertility treatments, pre-term births will add up to make baby industry is 150 BILLIONS of dollars worth for year 2011 if I recall well. That was the year when less than 4 million babies were born and this means that the whole industry inflated to a point where the birth of a single child costs close to 40,000$.
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I have student loans, but my husband has not (and will not) have to pay a dime for them.
People who speak about student loans usually don't know what they're talking about. They have no clue, your husband cannot be obliged with your student loan costs upon split. As far as I know, student loan cannot be split, but I leave space for people to prove me wrong. But there's the fact that most folks will save rest of the money and you're going to spend years of marriage by paying off your own debt. Person that enters marriage with student loan debt is starting with negative equity and that person is going to use years in marriage to pay off their debt, while he/she won't be obliged to cover any expenses later on due to college degree because alimony rather focuses on one's salary and not the past where both partners contributed to marriage and where one of the two used those years to pay off their personal debts... the exceptions are a few states - i think one of them is New York, where other spouse might demand it to be taken into an account - because the other party "earned" their degree and used mutual earnings to pay off something that they'll solely benefit after they split.
But I think none of those two topics are something that the OP's situation describes. "Baby mamas" stereotypes are generally never-married women who have children (sometimes from different fathers) and generally rely on state support. You don't qualify there because you made your own money and have bought their own place to live on their own, with no state involvement on numerous state-funded programs. And a general notion is that if they attend college - they aren't taking student loans at all. The state funds it for them or their parents or anyone else... because the stereotype wouldn't be complete without that.
I think it has more to do with women taking longer to pay off their debt. Most the hard sciences that pay well are full of men and even in the same field women get paid less. Chances are a woman with a college degree is going to spend more time in debt.
I thought the idea that women get paid less for the same job has been debunked.
Not every male college graduate studied hard sciences.
Meh. My ex got his degree in mechanical engineering, mine is in biology. He came to the marriage $10,000 in student loans, me $0. I made more than him for most of our married life when I wasn't making the same.
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Originally Posted by InternetTroll
Agree with that, I was just saying that its likely the man will be footing most the bill in a marriage where both people went to college.
Again you assume that the husband makes a significant amount more than the wife and pays most of the couples bills.
I thought the idea that women get paid less for the same job has been debunked.
Not every male college graduate studied hard sciences.
Meh. My ex got his degree in mechanical engineering, mine is in biology. He came to the marriage $10,000 in student loans, me $0. I made more than him for most of our married life when I wasn't making the same.
Again you assume that the husband makes a significant amount more than the wife and pays most of the couples bills.
I guess if the stereotype goes the way it does ... that's why he is your ex. But let's get a bit analytic now.... I've checked it up and 7 different women said that they earned more than their ex. You have to ask yourself if this inherently created hostility that ultimately resulted with divorce. No woman came in here and said - I earned LESS than my ex husband and got divorced.
Another thing - did his 10,000$ get split? I am sure that student loan doesn't get split. This means that the stories where someone studies, graduates then immediately divorces are just BS and people who speak about it are clueless about what they are speaking.
True way to burden you with his debt is by going through years of paying off that debt - sometimes even 100,000$ or more for better universities, and when they pay it off they simply walk away. Since all the savings will be split, they effectively walked away with their degree that they earned or paid off during years of marriage, effectively exiting marriage with you paying half of their student loan, or if they never contributed significantly prior to their degree they effectively made you pay off their entire student loan among other things. A number of states has recognized this but unfortunately they generally only apply it when the person enrolls and obtains their diploma DURING the marriage, not before... which obviously doesn't matter at all. Another flawed law indeed.
By the way - people forget that true monetary value in marriage isn't salary. Most people will spend their whole working age and only thing that they'll have is their house/apartment in general. When @meh_w/e speaks about her situation, she had a LOT more to worry about the fact that she had her apartment/house to be split or lose it than to pay alimony. To pay alimony you generally need to earn significantly more. I think no state places to at least 20% salary difference, a number of states will place it to over 50%, etc.
I guess if the stereotype goes the way it does ... that's why he is your ex. But let's get a bit analytic now.... I've checked it up
and 7 different women said that they earned more than their ex. You have to ask
yourself if this inherently created hostility that ultimately resulted with
divorce. No woman came in here and said - I earned LESS than my ex husband and
got divorced.
I stated that I made more or the same as my ex because I was responding to the statement made that women earn less than men in the same field and men pay most all of a couples bills. If you are insinuating that I strutted around rubbing it in his face, no. When I did make more than him it was not a significant amount or for a long enough period to crow about. The point was, as a woman, I did not make significantly less than him.
Quote:
Another thing - did his 10,000$ get split? I am sure that student loan doesn't
get split. This means that the stories where someone studies, graduates then
immediately divorces are just BS and people who speak about it are clueless
about what they are speaking.
No it didn't get split in my case. I assume most people pay off their own student loans so the idea that women after graduation are on the hunt for a "Mr. Right" to pay off their student loans for them is redickulous. Paying off a spouses pre marriage debt during a marriage and acquiring student loan debt during a marriage and then divorcing are two separate situations.
When @meh_w/e speaks about her situation, she had a LOT more to worry about the fact that she had her apartment/house to be split or lose it than to pay alimony. To pay alimony you generally need to earn significantly more. I think no state places to at least 20% salary difference, a number of states will place it to over 50%, etc.
To that I ask why did you have a kid with such a person in the first place? I'm not trying to be preachy or judgmental but you likely could have done something to prevent that situation. Once you've made the choice to have a kid with someone like that and come to find out its a bad idea and then try to go it alone that's good for you. Personally I'm not going to be interested in someone who has done that though.
Maybe single moms that have older kids are good option for some men who are almost twice my age but still want to be a father. You do have a point there. While a man is relatively young though I can't see why he would want to raise some else's kid.
Well, you don't know if a man will be good with kids until he has kids. Some are good with other people's kids, but when it comes to their own, they feel trapped by fatherhood. I was married to a man like that.
He was fine with me, and with my eldest child... I assume because he was older. I know that he's much better with his biological kids now that they are older. Not everyone can handle babies.
We can try to avoid bad situations, but we cannot prevent them entirely. How we handle bad situations is a value statement. My kids are really great people. I worked hard to make sure that they were happy and well adjusted, despite the odd situation with my ex.
Define "relatively young."
I know some younger guys who don't want to have biological kids at all, but are fine with other people's kids. Eh. It takes all kinds. Maybe you have to love a woman who has a kid to understand why a man would help raise a child that isn't biologically his. I have many friends who have adopted kids. Are they their kids? Sure. I don't see why step-parenting is that much different.
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I guess if the stereotype goes the way it does ... that's why he is your ex. But let's get a bit analytic now.... I've checked it up and 7 different women said that they earned more than their ex. You have to ask yourself if this inherently created hostility that ultimately resulted with divorce. No woman came in here and said - I earned LESS than my ex husband and got divorced.
Another thing - did his 10,000$ get split? I am sure that student loan doesn't get split. This means that the stories where someone studies, graduates then immediately divorces are just BS and people who speak about it are clueless about what they are speaking.
True way to burden you with his debt is by going through years of paying off that debt - sometimes even 100,000$ or more for better universities, and when they pay it off they simply walk away. Since all the savings will be split, they effectively walked away with their degree that they earned or paid off during years of marriage, effectively exiting marriage with you paying half of their student loan, or if they never contributed significantly prior to their degree they effectively made you pay off their entire student loan among other things. A number of states has recognized this but unfortunately they generally only apply it when the person enrolls and obtains their diploma DURING the marriage, not before... which obviously doesn't matter at all. Another flawed law indeed.
By the way - people forget that true monetary value in marriage isn't salary. Most people will spend their whole working age and only thing that they'll have is their house/apartment in general. When @meh_w/e speaks about her situation, she had a LOT more to worry about the fact that she had her apartment/house to be split or lose it than to pay alimony. To pay alimony you generally need to earn significantly more. I think no state places to at least 20% salary difference, a number of states will place it to over 50%, etc.
Yes.. I think you could argue that spouses who entered a marriage with student loan debt have an impact on the overall financial picture of the couple because the money paid toward student loans is money the couple cannot save. This is actually, though, a better situation than coming into a marriage with no debt, then going to school an amassing a large debt, because that wasn't something you figured into the equation when you decided to marry. If you come in with debt that you are paying, your spouse is aware of it.
Student loans are not so horrible in that if I sudden was unable to work or had to work for a reduced income, my payments would be zero or much less. They cannot look to my husband's income to set a payment, because he isn't responsible for my student loan debt. We file our taxes married filing separately just to ensure this, by the way. I recommend it for anyone who has graduate school-level student loan debt.
As for alimony... some states are free and easy with it... mine isn't. You are right, nald, in that one has far more to worry about when it comes to personal property in a marriage than something individual like student loan debt.
It's pretty easy to lose half of all you have due to a separation... except debts.
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My college boyfriend is engaged to a girl with a 4 year old, the girl is around my age, 27. His father passed away when he was young and he was raised by a step father. I think he likes being to this little boy what his step father (always called him dad, never knew anyone else) was to him. This is probably 1% of the cases, but it's still out there.
I'm sure its a lot more than 1%, especially if it just one child. If you love the mom, more than likely you will love the child.
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But let's get a bit analytic now.... I've checked it up and 7 different women said that they earned more than their ex. You have to ask yourself if this inherently created hostility that ultimately resulted with divorce. No woman came in here and said - I earned LESS than my ex husband and got divorced.
