What not to say: Men contacting women on online dating sites (attraction, conversation)
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It comes across as social ineptitude, cluelessness, etc. that is not intentional. I thought that was more akin to aspergers than autism, but whatever.
Well, the terms 'aspergers' is no longer current -- it's just called 'high functioning autism' now -- but, yes, exactly!
Negging to me reads as social ineptitude and cluelessness, not as deliberate azzhattery. Which I think means that I tend to give my fellow humans way too much benefit of the doubt.
High-functioning autism is not the same as Asperger's.
I really wish people would not slap either of those terms around though. I and many members of my family are Aspies and we are not clueless, insensitive jerks. Many of us have worked very hard to develop social skills that others take for granted.
One thing that distinguishes questionable words/behavior/deeds of Aspies from everyone else is intention. A person with Asperger's Autism would never intentionally harm another person. Any harm results from mutual misunderstanding, a disconnect that has more in common with language differences than intentionally bad behavior.
Aspies are some of the finest people anywhere. Stop using 'aspergers' and 'autistic' as slurs. That's really offensive.
High-functioning autism is not the same as Asperger's.
She is correct. In the latest DSM (5), there is no diagnosis called Asperger's. It is all part of the Autism spectrum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration
Stop using 'aspergers' and 'autistic' as slurs. That's really offensive.
She wasn't. On the contrary, she was saying she has empathy for people with Autism (including the higher functioning ones formerly known as Asperger's) in part because her ex-husband was one.
I love aspies! They are highly overrepresented among my closest friends. And yes, I married one.
I'm not an aspie myself, but I find their directness very relaxing. I grew up in a weird social environment, and I still have trouble with certain kinds of social complexity and indirectness.
With aspies, I don't have to think all the time about what is being left unsaid. And I'm not sure if it's true that no aspies lie, but the ones I know, at least, find it difficult and generally not worth the bother (as do I).
She is correct. In the latest DSM (5), there is no diagnosis called Asperger's. It is all part of the Autism spectrum.
She wasn't. On the contrary, she was saying she has empathy for people with Autism (including the higher functioning ones formerly known as Asperger's) in part because her ex-husband was one.
I wasn't referring to NilaJones, per se. But it seems like in so many discussions on c-d whenever clueless, insensitive behavior is being talked about, someone raises the "Asperger's" or autism point. And then the thread many times devolves into armchair diagnoses of whatever unfortunate behavior as Asperger's.
Well, the terms 'aspergers' is no longer current -- it's just called 'high functioning autism' now -- but, yes, exactly!
Negging to me reads as social ineptitude and cluelessness, not as deliberate azzhattery. Which I think means that I tend to give my fellow humans way too much benefit of the doubt.
IMO, anyone that uses a neg KNOWS what they are doing.
It is a deliberate style/form of communication. Even if they arent students of PUA, it is a technique some people use to break someone down.
I would guess in Nila's situations the guys who negged her and she dated them anyway were attractive enough that the guy could say almost anything, and she would still give the guy a chance.
Which, furthermore supports my stance that IRL an attractive guy A) doesnt need game or PUA stuff, and B) is dating and sleeping with more of the dating population than people realize.
I could never pull off negging an attractive woman. I think next summer when I make my rounds, I will conduct some social experiment and do some negging. Maybe someone will overlook my social ineptness and date me. I wont hold my breath.
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it is not what you think it is.
