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My mother has never disrespected my girlfriend or showed any animosity towards her. Which is why it's surprising to know how she feels about her. My mom is an adult and she is free to have her own opinion but I wish she would just tell me how she feels, that way I can inform her a little more.
Look ... talking about her behind her back is not disrespectful towards her? You sure your girlfriend would agree with that? I understand this is your mother. But I also think your girlfriend has a right to know what is going on at some point.
There is no telling her. There is only showing her.
You cannot talk your mom into liking your GF. ACTIONS speak louder than words. Showing respect goes both ways. When you and your GF show some maturity by interacting with and showing care for your parents, your mom will most likely "like" her.
There is no telling her. There is only showing her.
You cannot talk your mom into liking your GF. ACTIONS speak louder than words. Showing respect goes both ways. When you and your GF show some maturity by interacting with and showing care for your parents, your mom will most likely "like" her.
Do you think I might be putting to much mind to this? Should I really, really care?
I'm the first born, I'm assuming that it's natural for some women to picture their first born son with a woman they hand picked in their imagination. My mom is divorced, and the only 2 kids she has is me (23) and my brother (16). We're Dominican and in the Dominican heritage just like most latino cultures, we take care of our parents when they can no longer get around, we don't throw them into a nursing home or anything of that nature. I think my mom is ultimately afraid of the fact that me and my brother won't be enough, and she wants me with a strong woman like her to help her out when she can't no more. I truly believe that this is the root of her concerns. I would of never became the man I am now if it wasn't for my mother, before my girlfriend came along she was the only one who believed in me. I'm not trying to find justification for either side, but it's hard not to feel somewhat bad about it, it bugs me, but I won't know how to bring this up in a convo with her. It would feel extremely awkward.
Do you think I might be putting to much mind to this? Should I really, really care?
I'm the first born, I'm assuming that it's natural for some women to picture their first born son with a woman they hand picked in their imagination. My mom is divorced, and the only 2 kids she has is me (23) and my brother (16). We're Dominican and in the Dominican heritage just like most latino cultures, we take care of our parents when they can no longer get around, we don't throw them into a nursing home or anything of that nature. I think my mom is ultimately afraid of the fact that me and my brother won't be enough, and she wants me with a strong woman like her to help her out when she can't no more. I truly believe that this is the root of her concerns. I would of never became the man I am now if it wasn't for my mother, before my girlfriend came along she was the only one who believed in me. I'm not trying to find justification for either side, but it's hard not to feel somewhat bad about it, it bugs me, but I won't know how to bring this up in a convo with her. It would feel extremely awkward.
You need to talk to your mother about this. Let her know how much it bothers you that she doesn't like your girlfriend, but let her know that this is who you are with and you love the girl, so you may well wind up marrying her one day.
If your mom knows you are very serious and that you have considered the idea of settling down with this girl one day, perhaps she will make more of an effort to get along with her.
You might also encourage your girlfriend to do things that you know your mom would like (not talking about a radical personality change or anything of the sort)... smaller stuff, like remind your GF to send your mom a card when someone in your family passes away, that sort of thing.
Just some thoughts.
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Do you think I might be putting to much mind to this? Should I really, really care?
I'm the first born, I'm assuming that it's natural for some women to picture their first born son with a woman they hand picked in their imagination. My mom is divorced, and the only 2 kids she has is me (23) and my brother (16). We're Dominican and in the Dominican heritage just like most latino cultures, we take care of our parents when they can no longer get around, we don't throw them into a nursing home or anything of that nature. I think my mom is ultimately afraid of the fact that me and my brother won't be enough, and she wants me with a strong woman like her to help her out when she can't no more. I truly believe that this is the root of her concerns. I would of never became the man I am now if it wasn't for my mother, before my girlfriend came along she was the only one who believed in me. I'm not trying to find justification for either side, but it's hard not to feel somewhat bad about it, it bugs me, but I won't know how to bring this up in a convo with her. It would feel extremely awkward.
All of this ^^^ would have been very helpful information in the very first post, you know.
Either way, yes. I think you're thinking too much and taking too little action.
I don't really see a way to talk to your mom about this without making it much worse. Your mom may NEVER like your GFs. My best advice to you is to treat everyone the way you would want them to treat you.
Understand how serious you are with this GF, and then act accordingly. If you aren't that serious, don't worry about it. If you are serious, then make sure you incorporate that GF into the family with respect.
But you also need to know whether or not your mom's approval matters to you. If it does, then you'll have to keep that in mind every time you go out with someone.
Location: I don't know..If you find me, let me know.
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Okay, well you need to talk with your mom. Say you don't think she is being completely genuine telling you that she likes her, and she really wants to know if she has a problem with her. Also mention that she (mom) is the most important woman in your life.
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