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So, I find myself in an interesting point in my life which I did not really expect to be. I was in a relationship for two and a half years that ended earlier this year for a plethora of reasons. When I met my ex I had imagined that this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with but it did not work out that way unfortunately despite best efforts to save the relationship... i'm sure those of you who have lost a relationship can understand
So, now I find myself age 40 having to start all over again. I've always wanted to have kids and a family but it just does not seem to be panning out for me as I am not finding the right person. It takes me a long time to find that person that I initially have terrific chemistry and compatibility with but later on I discover some ridiculously unreasonable compromise that I just can´t make which results in the demise of the relationship. Anyone else find themselves in this situation?
Somehow I feel single, never married and 40 has some kind of stigma and people seem to be really wary if you are not in the "divorced, has kids, looking for a 2nd marriage" crowd.
I'm not 40....never been married....so I can't really say I understand your situation.
But I will say, you really need to ignore the so called stigma/stereotypes people try to place on you. I don't see anything wrong with your situation except things aren't working out the way you would like them to. It's life...it happens a lot. Doesn't mean there is a problem with you. You are human and everyone has their own path and come into things in their own time.
Just live life. It's always good to have a plan but if it doesn't work out, just go with it and move on. No need to mull over what you don't have. Don't be so sad, and think of it like this: If people think something is wrong with you because you are over 40 and have never been married, would really want to be with someone who would judge you over something so trivial?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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40 is just the beginning of the fun. Well, not the beginning, but there is no slowing down. I see that for my peer male and female friends, though the women seem to have more socializing going on, by a little. Its great. Don't sweat it. (I'm 43/male, BTW)
I was suddenly single after a 5-year long relationship at 35. I had NO idea what to expect starting over again at that point. Turns out, it was great. 2.5 years later, I'm married. My husband is someone like me, who, at 40 himself when we met, had never been married before. I, too, always hoped to have a family, as did my husband. We don't know if it will happen biologically or not, but we know it will happen.
If you're a female I don't think guys care if you've never been married and it's certainly easier if you don't have kids. If you're a guy, maybe women are a bit more wary but if they make snap decisions on something like that then they obviously aren't for you anyway.
I was divorced at age 35 and felt like my best years were behind me and that I'd been "cheated" but that attitude gets you nowhere. At least you're not recovering from a 13 year relationship! So re-evaluate what you're looking for and examine your own issues....good luck - life isn't over!
I don't know why people make such a big deal out of 40. OP, the people I know who feel there's a stigma, or that 40 is some kind of milestone that means anything (usually something negative) are doing that to themselves, no one is putting that on them. We can be our own worst enemy. 40 is often the beginning of the best part of your life.
You still have plenty of time. For all you know, you could be married by 45, or sooner. So don't give yourself a hard time. Just make a New Year's resolution to socialize, get involved in the community through volunteering, hobbies, etc., circulate, and be friendly.
Sorry your relationship didn't work out. Many of us know exactly what you mean when you say it's hard to find someone you click with, and further--who turns out to be easygoing and compatible. But you never know. As one author said, "Love might be just around the corner. All you have to do is get to that corner." Good luck. Stay positive! Think creatively. There's ALWAYS hope.
So, I find myself in an interesting point in my life which I did not really expect to be. I was in a relationship for two and a half years that ended earlier this year for a plethora of reasons. When I met my ex I had imagined that this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with but it did not work out that way unfortunately despite best efforts to save the relationship... i'm sure those of you who have lost a relationship can understand
So, now I find myself age 40 having to start all over again. I've always wanted to have kids and a family but it just does not seem to be panning out for me as I am not finding the right person. It takes me a long time to find that person that I initially have terrific chemistry and compatibility with but later on I discover some ridiculously unreasonable compromise that I just can´t make which results in the demise of the relationship. Anyone else find themselves in this situation?
Somehow I feel single, never married and 40 has some kind of stigma and people seem to be really wary if you are not in the "divorced, has kids, looking for a 2nd marriage" crowd.
A lot of it depends if you are male or female. A 40s male will have a lot easier time then a 40s female. Just like a 20s female has a lot easier time dating then a 20s male.
I was never one much into dating...but I was 48 when I met and married my wife. And I had been single for the most part...17 years before meeting her. So miracles do happen.
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