Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can only speak for myself. When we got married, we were pretty young. It was part of being in nuuuuub. We each had a view of what marriage is. It was an educational process for us to go through to realize that we needed to craft our own life together, not mold ourselves to some preconceived notion of what marriage is. It was challenging but really illuminating.
Now, the strength of our commitment to each other has little to do with marriage. It has to do with each other. And our kids.
For me now, marriage is a set of benefits. Tax, finances, survivorship, parenting... All practical. All hard to unglue, and seriously damaging for both of us if we were to try to unglue. Since neither of us have any interest in dissolution, it works for us.
But from the standpoint of guarantees of emotional commitment it is useless, as you observe. It is well worth remembering that there simply are no guarantees. Anyone who enters into marriage with a lazy view that now the work is done is doomed, not just or necessarily to a divorce, but to a marriage that is only worth the paper it is written on. They will never see the depth of love and commitment that is possible in a relationship.
For me now, my husband, the person, is way more important to me that marriage. I sure am glad he agrees.
I personally think that people who say "Marriage is just a piece of paper" know that it's not just a piece of paper, otherwise it would be no big deal to them to marry their significant others.
The deed to real property, articles of incorporation, a car title, a last will and testament, a DNR? Those are all pieces of paper, too. But they are very powerful pieces of paper acknowledged by society and law. Very few people would tear up the deed to their home and say, "Oh, well, I don't need this to prove I own this house. It's just a piece of paper."
So yeah ... when people say, "It's just a piece of paper," they're typically teenagers who know jack sh*t about real life or people who are in serious denial.
I personally think that people who say "Marriage is just a piece of paper" know that it's not just a piece of paper, otherwise it would be no big deal to them to marry their significant others.
The deed to real property, articles of incorporation, a car title, a last will and testament, a DNR? Those are all pieces of paper, too. But they are very powerful pieces of paper acknowledged by society and law. Very few people would tear up the deed to their home and say, "Oh, well, I don't need this to prove I own this house. It's just a piece of paper."
So yeah ... when people say, "It's just a piece of paper," they're typically teenagers who know jack sh*t about real life or people who are in serious denial.
Uh...no. You're comparisons are way off base.
"Very few people would tear up the deed to their home and say, "Oh, well, I don't need this to prove I own this house. It's just a piece of paper."" Except you do actually need a deed to prove you own a house.....or the car title to prove that you own it...or a DNR to decide not to be saved when you are dying. You don't need marriage to be committed to someone.
You don't need marriage to be committed to someone.
No, you don't. But you typically do need health insurance to keep from going broke when you get really sick. If one member of a partnership loses his or her job (and therefore his or her health insurance), marriage permits them to be on a health insurance policy. Isn't commitment about showing that you care about the practical things, like your Other's well-being?
I have been married and had children as well as divorced. I have a boyfriend now and I do want to be married. My aunt asks why. I have already had my children and it's just a legality.
While I have been divorced, I do like the sanctity of marriage. It means more than just a name change to me. Can I put it into words? I am not quite sure. I do know that for me, there is a religious aspect to it as well.
I do think marriage is important...to answer the question.
My second marriage is awesome too, but neither of us really wanted to get married. If it were not for the various benefits (tax breaks, spousal health insurance) we would not have, and it would have been the same in all other respects.
I think it is an antiquated waste of my time. It's just a piece of paper that sits in a government's file cabinet. That is just me. I don't fear it but I view it as pointless and I don't do anything that is pointless. Getting married will not provide a single benefit to my life.
Do people get married, because of family and society expectations? I know, back in the day, I got married, that is what you did....living together was not acceptable, except we knew people did it, in California! Not Utah, where I lived.
What is the difference between living together, long term, and being married?
People no doubt get married for all sorts of reasons. I'm sure many that are the wrong reasons. It's not an easy decision imo and it's not the same as living together or dating/having a relationship. It's another level of commitment that comes with a lot responsibility. With that said, given that you're older perhaps it matters less, but starting out with a person young it's involved ime. From college, to home ownership, kids, savings/retirement, credit, and the risk of giving up prime years for that one person.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
