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I don't think it is the children per se that are the problem. I think the problem stems from the "changes" that a woman experiences in her mental and physical state after she has a child that is the problem.
I don't think it is the children per se that are the problem. I think the problem stems from the "changes" that a woman experiences in her mental and physical state after she has a child that is the problem.
20yrsinBranson
This. And of course this changes the dynamics of the relationship.
I didn't look at the link, but it seems strange to me that someone could say they're happier without kids when it's not like they tried it and didn't like it, and prefer to be child-free. I don't have children, won't be having any, and I'm happy with my life as it is. That's really all that matters, but I will never actually know if I could have been happy with children, it would only be a guess.
For both men and women, those who did not have children ranked the quality of their relationship more highly than those who did. They also did significantly more to “maintain” their relationship, such as taking time to go out together or talk, than those with children.
Yet, when asked to rate how happy they were with their lives in general there was a gender divide. Mothers were happier overall than any other group, while childless women were the least happy. By contrast men with children emerged slightly less happy than those without.
We have two children, one has special needs (autism), and our divorce rate risk is about 80% (not 50% like most, because special needs have higher rates of divorce).
Daily sex and 1-2 dates per week is how we survive. People ask how we do it? Very simple, we put each other first, even before our disabled son. That sounds bad, I know, but the truth is that two loving parents and a stable home is the best gift we can give him (and our other child). He might complain and not want us to leave for dinner - too bad. We're going.
I know a few people who never get a break together, who refuse childcare, who act as if using a babysitter or family member for a few hours is 'letting others raise their kid'. Sorry, come back to me in 20 years and tell me how great that is working out for you. I know several elderly couples who are still together and still in love - they always made time for each other and prioritized each other. It was the best thing they did for their children, who are long gone and living their own lives.
This. And of course this changes the dynamics of the relationship.
I have 3 kids. It's tough to do, believe me. As important as it is to love your children, nurture them, teach them, etc, it's also important, if you believe the health of your marriage is important, to never forget that, without your husband, THE CHILDREN WOULDN'T EXIST!!!
I make it a point to show my husband that he's still my #1 all the time. It took work early on in motherhood, but it works now. It's not as if I ignore or neglect my children while I'm spending time with him - if we're together and one of the kids needs us, we're there. We PARENT our kids, it's not that at all. It's just that I make an effort not to let my husband or his needs slip into the background, which is very easy to do when you're chasing children around and trying to be Super-Mom. We also don't believe that it's all that healthy, either for your marriage, your children, or the family as a whole, to have each kid in 4 activities simultaneously (softball, football, dance, etc. etc. etc.) We let them each pick ONE and that's it. Too much going on at once makes things that much more difficult.
When kids come along, never forget that Dad's needs and feelings matter too! Without Dad, you wouldn't be Mom. And by Dad I mean YOUR HUSBAND! (or SO if you're unmarried, this isn't a judgement against non-marital cohabitation).
I don't think this is news. It's been known for decades that having kids puts stress on a marriage.
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