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What I find cowardly in a LTR breakup, is when a person harbor feelings that turns into resentment; because that person is too spineless to say anything to resolve their problems, thus blindsiding the other with a breakup.
Yup, happened to me. If there was something really wrong, I would have had no way of knowing it because he acted just the same. When I pressed him to give me a reason, he gave me this b.s. line about how we "didn't have anything in common." Say what --? We did everything together. So then he throws out this line about how I don't like to ski or mountain-climb, getting into specifics. Hello, I only lived in Anchorage -- what the h*ll did he think I did there for fun, play Solitaire? Okay, okay, so it's really not about that, he concedes.
As it turns out, he just wanted to screw around. So how 'bout saying, "I'm bored in this relationship and/or it's getting a little hard, and I just want new sexual partners" --? Yes, it's crass and it's a lame reason, but it's the real reason.
I might as well add that the guy who came over my house to break up with me ended up breaking down in tears and asking if I still wanted to go to dinner. I comforted him and then told him to go home. Jesus.
The tears in the pizza would've made it even more saltier.
This thread gives me an idea. You want a formal sit down do you? You've got one.
So here's the deal next time I want to stop seeing someone I will create a quantitative measurement instrument with performance indicators to systematically show to the other person why it is best to stop seeing each other. I will engage in information visualization analysis to create easily digestible graphs, bar charts, regression models, and qualitative data into a PowerPoint presentation to show the other person why we should cut ties beyond any reasonable doubt.
Sprinkled throughout the presentation will be variables describing why I consider her to be performing below the standards of performance and why I am letting her go, with relevant pictures and case studies if I have any. (I.E. your facial symmetry matrix score is below 7.0; your waist to hip ratio is subpar; previous partners produced more effects related to the release of oxytocin; here is Case A describing why your conflict management competency skills are below my standard, etc.)
The use of sound logical reasoning and irrefutable evidence will place my position beyond reproach. At the end of my presentation I will furnish her a letter of recommendation or a negative review at my discretion before showing her the door, escorting her off the property, and permanently barring her from the premises.
The media is full of stories about long term lovers breaking it off via email and/or a text message, or other cowardly passive aggressive ways. Others will pick a fight to get rid of someone who has started to bore them. Others claim they have met someone else when they really haven't. And of the course the main way to break it off with someone is to use the old standard. "I am so busy!"
So how about you? When you have broken it off with a lover, how do you give them the word? Do you sit them down and tell them why it is not working (in your opinion) or use the passive aggressive approach like sending an email or text or stop communications? And how has previous lovers broke it off with you?
However you do it, do it directly. Don't just disappear. Don't just make up some lie. Don't just drift off and hope your SO "takes the hint." To many people are only interested in making breakups easy on themselves.
What I find cowardly in a LTR breakup, is when a person harbor feelings that turns into resentment; because that person is too spineless to say anything to resolve their problems, thus blindsiding the other with a breakup.
Exactly.
And not giving a reason so that only ONE person is "uncomfortable" is cold and selfish.
The media is full of stories about long term lovers breaking it off via email and/or a text message, or other cowardly passive aggressive ways. Others will pick a fight to get rid of someone who has started to bore them. Others claim they have met someone else when they really haven't. And of the course the main way to break it off with someone is to use the old standard. "I am so busy!"
So how about you? When you have broken it off with a lover, how do you give them the word? Do you sit them down and tell them why it is not working (in your opinion) or use the passive aggressive approach like sending an email or text or stop communications? And how has previous lovers broke it off with you?
I won't wear a suit and act like it's a business transaction, however, I will sit down with her and have a long lengthy detailed discussion of the relationship. I will not immediately break it off, I will listen to everything said and then sleep on it. I rarely ever make the decision at once, unless she was cheating on me while we were together (which has happened).
And not giving a reason so that only ONE person is "uncomfortable" is cold and selfish.
Or giving the reason that you feel the break-up-ee will feel "most comfortable" with, rather than the truth.
I have had really good reasons when I broke up with someone before (cheating, drug use, abusive personality, etc.), and I have always been truthful as to the real problem.
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