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I understand how you feel. It's not about appearing rude towards those who do have symptoms of the virus. From what I've seen of cold sores they look bloody painful! It's not unreasonable to want to take steps to avoid catching something.
There are people around who would appear to not have the virus, or at least have never had any symptoms. I've never had a herpes sore anywhere, nor have I ever dated someone who did (at least not while I was with them). My ex husband had never had any sores anywhere either. I wonder if there is something genetic at play with regards to immunity....I've never seen anyone in my family with a cold sore (of course I wouldn't know about elsewhere!). I've been through stressful periods where I would have thought that if I did carry the virus then I would surely have suffered a cold sore outbreak? My health in every other respect was pretty well shot during that time. I know you can carry it and be asymptomatic, but still.
I've got to admit to being a bit paranoid about catching stuff. I'm certainly no prude, but I guess I would have to REALLY be into someone to even take a risk. Once you have it, it's in your system for life.
"CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16%, or about one out of six, people aged 14 to 49 years have genital HSV-2 infection. Over the past decade, the percentage of persons with genital herpes infection in the United States has remained stable.
Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely than from an infected female to her male partner. Because of this, genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of five women aged 14 to 49 years) than in men (about one out of nine men aged 14 to 49 years)."
You aren't alone. Many people have the herpes. Think long and hard about it. It would make sense to give yourself to her for the rest of your life if you love her that much, herpes would just be a side factor. BUT, life long relationships are a risky gamble, very risky. Good luck.
So, I've been slowly getting to know this woman lately, I see her maybe 3-5 times a week and I think I like her and would like to ask her out. The only problem is that she has oral herpes- I can see it on her lips.
I do not have herpes. I'm not sure how to approach this. Has anybody else been in this situation before? Suggestions? Advice? What did you do? Did you end up also getting herpes? How did it affect you mentally? What happened with the situation? Did you guys break up? If so, were you absolutely devastated that you have no girl/guy and also herpes?
How do you know it is herpes and not a canker sore only? Especially if it as bitter cold where you live. This is winter season after all and record breaking frigid temps.
Tell her to put petroleum jelly on it. It will heal it completely and fast. That healed my dry aching mouth every intense heat and cold. If it didn't, then ya it is most likely herpes.
So, I've been slowly getting to know this woman lately, I see her maybe 3-5 times a week and I think I like her and would like to ask her out. The only problem is that she has oral herpes- I can see it on her lips.
I do not have herpes. I'm not sure how to approach this. Has anybody else been in this situation before? Suggestions? Advice? What did you do? Did you end up also getting herpes? How did it affect you mentally? What happened with the situation? Did you guys break up? If so, were you absolutely devastated that you have no girl/guy and also herpes?
Oh, good Lord!
Herpes is incredibly common. The odds are better than not that you've already had relationships with women who have herpes. It will clear up, and everything will be fine. Honestly, it doesn't sound to me like you are mature enough for a relationship yet.
Herpes is incredibly common. The odds are better than not that you've already had relationships with women who have herpes. It will clear up, and everything will be fine. Honestly, it doesn't sound to me like you are mature enough for a relationship yet.
This. My best friend had cold sores her whole life. We lived together. Shared food, drinks, lipsticks, etc and I have never ever had one.
I understand its common but I seriously have not dated or have any super close friends with herpes-oral or genital herpes. Maybe one of them does have it but I i just can't tell. Lmao I date mostly black men so maybe it's more difficult to notice if they have sores on there lips. But seriously I know no one that I'm super super super close with or dated that has it. As for associates, and distant friends its a different matter... If they have it I would not know unless they disclosed it.
That being said, as common as it is, I have not yet dated anyone who has it, so at this point I would prefer to NOT date someone who has it.
That does not mean I'm not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. I don't have it, and don't want to date someone that has it, if I can help it. It's called preferences and as silly as it may seem to some of you, we have every right to have them. So far this has not eliminated my dating pool. So I see nothing wrong with it.
Also I don't see herpes as something trivial. It's a valid concern. When you date someone that has it you run the risks of obtaining it OR having to take all these precautions not to get it. It is a bigger deal then some of you make it.
I suspect those of you that have it or that date or marry someone who has it, don't care or don't see it as a big deal. But I mean for those of us that do not have it, we have the right to be selective about dating those who do not.
And for that matter just because its common amongst people does not mean that we should just be like "welp it's just herpes no big deal."
I remember in health class seeing pics of genital herpes when I was 12 and if was like the number one STD I didnt want because it looked nasty and painful.
And Paris Hilton's lip looks yuck too.
Again not trying to offend anyone and I apologize if I am but I find it odd that people are downplaying this as much as they are.
I wouldn't even talk to that person. Better not even be in the same room because you don't know what she has touched in there already. I heard, Herpes can just JUMP on others who are around the Herpes person.
Seriously, OP, how old are you???
I dated a HERPES guy for 8 years. I kissed him and did even do WORSE stuff to him and his HERPES ridden lips and never got it.
I wouldn't even talk to that person. Better not even be in the same room because you don't know what she has touched in there already. I heard, Herpes can just JUMP on others who are around the Herpes person.
Seriously, OP, how old are you???
I dated a HERPES guy for 8 years. I kissed him and did even do WORSE stuff to him and his HERPES ridden lips and never got it.
Good for you. Want a cookie? Lol.
I mean because person a decided to overlook herpes and didnt get it, person b, person c, person d should do it to?
Herpes isn't the end of the world but for some people it is a big deal. Why flame the OP for being concerned?
Because if you end/not start a relationship over something so minor, you will end up alone forever.
There really is much worse stuff to be concerned about than a little cold sore.
What's next, ending a relationship because someone has pimples?
The thing is it isn't minor to some of us. It might be to you... But it can be a deal breaker for others. If this is the first girl he's dated that has this, then clearly he's been able to avoid it this long, so this doesn't necessarily mean he will be alone forever because he chooses not to date someone that has it.
I fully admit I would not date someone that has herpes. And so far it has not ruled out anyone I gave been attracted to or interested in. I have not eliminated of shrunk my dating pool due to this preference because no one in my dating pool as of yet has had it.
Now if there came a point in time where I ran into an issue of finding more men I'm interested in that have it than not then yes I would probably no longer make it as much of a concern as I am now, AS LONG as it was not genital herpes.
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