I really like this girl - but she has herpes (boyfriend, cheated)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If he is so super great looking that he can have all women he is attracted to, okay, choose the one with no herpes.
If it is super easy for the OP to find a girl whom he connects with, okay, choose the one with no herpes.
What if he dates a non herpes girl and she gets herpes somehow? Does he break up with her?
If he hates herpes and rather dates a drug addict instead, go for it. I rather have a healthy living walking herpes around me.
If he is so super great looking that he can have all women he is attracted to, okay, choose the one with no herpes.
If it is super easy for the OP to find a girl whom he connects with, okay, choose the one with no herpes.
What if he dates a non herpes girl and she gets herpes somehow? Does he break up with her?
If he hates herpes and rather dates a drug addict instead, go for it. I rather have a healthy living walking herpes around me.
That's the point I suppose. It's really up to the OP to decide, he knows what his dating pool is and who he is able to attract and has attracted this far. If he really likes this girl and believes she's worth it then he'll get over the oral herpes. But if he's never had an issue meeting women without it then he can be picky as he wants to be.
As I said I suppose I can be picky about herpes because I haven't had a problem meeting a man without it.
In terms of the OP he needs to asses how much this is important to him. The fact that he created this thread indicates that it matters... How much it will matter is up to him... We all have given him opinions and hopefully he makes the decision they is best for him. I just noticed that there seemed to be a downplay of the OPs concern and quite honestly anytime me and my gf's ever had this convo it was always a h**l naw to dating someone with herpes or other conditions similar to that. So I just wanted to also give the op my opinion also so that he knows he's not alone in feeling concerned about it.
And with your question about what happens if he dates someone who sudden develops it, again he would have to asses it... For me I would want to know how they suddenly acquired it... Was it from cheating, was if because they always carried it and suddenly had a flare up, etc. if it was not due to cheating and I loved that person then obviously I would be willing to overlook it. But off the bar when I'm just dating someone and do not have that type of strong connection then yes I'm going to be pickier about what Im wiling and not wiling to overlook.
And with your question about what happens if he dates someone who sudden develops it, again he would have to asses it... For me I would want to know how they suddenly acquired it... Was it from cheating, was if because they always carried it and suddenly had a flare up, etc. if it was not due to cheating and I loved that person then obviously I would be willing to overlook it.
I
You can never be sure about that so asking will lead you nowhere (other than a big fight). Oh well, maybe it leads to a confession .... haha, but that doesn't mean he necessarily got the herpes during the cheating.
So there were lots of little HERPES girls in my school when I grew up. They never kissed a boy before. Where did they get it? None of them deserve to be loved by a boy?
I dated a guy who admitted to having genital herpes. I called Planned Parenthood and asked them about my infection risk. They said he didn't need to be "flared-up" in order for me to become infected. (I stopped seeing him.)
My doctor said the same goes for contracting oral herpes. The person could have clear lips while on a date and you still could contract the virus. It's also possible for someone to have oral herpes and never break out.
The way I see it, it's a no-win, crap-shoot and a very common virus.
You can never be sure about that so asking will lead you nowhere (other than a big fight). Oh well, maybe it leads to a confession .... haha, but that doesn't mean he necessarily got the herpes during the cheating.
So there were lots of little HERPES girls in my school when I grew up. They never kissed a boy before. Where did they get it? None of them deserve to be loved by a boy?
I mean obviously herpes was passed on to them from a parent, or they carried it. And if course they, like anyone, is deserving of love. I never said that someone with herpes didnt deserve love. I simply said that the op, and others without herpes has a right to decide whether or not they want to "Iove" or date the "herpes" girls. Just like with anyone really... Everyone wants to be loved.. Not everyone will love us. People have the right to preferences and that applies to not wanting to date someone with heroes. It does not mean that they are not worth love... It has little to do with that. At the end of the day most people will be rejected based upon one thing or another. It doesn't mean they aren't worthy or deserving.
So, I've been slowly getting to know this woman lately, I see her maybe 3-5 times a week and I think I like her and would like to ask her out. The only problem is that she has oral herpes- I can see it on her lips.
I do not have herpes. I'm not sure how to approach this. Has anybody else been in this situation before? Suggestions? Advice? What did you do? Did you end up also getting herpes? How did it affect you mentally? What happened with the situation? Did you guys break up? If so, were you absolutely devastated that you have no girl/guy and also herpes?
86% of the adult population carries the herpes simplex virus. Only 50% have outbreaks. There is a very good chance that you have dated someone who has it and did not know about it. If you have a problem with this, you can always avoid kissing during her outbreaks.
On an aside, I forgot to mention that my mom has cold sores, I've seen it on her lips as well, though I do not have it. Just thought was interesting.
After digesting the information in this thread this is what I have decided to do:
i have realized that I don't know enough about this woman at this juncture to risk contracting herpes, even though we see each other a lot. I'll play it slow, learn more about her, and see if there is an organic mutual connection. If there is something 'real' i guess the oral herpes thing is just a small blip in the larger scheme. I will have to make sure we really connect on more than just a surface level- which is not the case at this point.
I realized that I was jumping ahead of the gun because she has such a beautiful smile.
To sum it up: they deserve to be loved by someone who has lower standards, but not worthy your love and not OP's love.
Hmmm... Whatever. Take what you want from my post. I'm not going to be guilt-tripped about not wanting to date a man or woman with herpes. Lol. To each their own. We all have different things we want and don't want in a partner and honestly it is what it is. there is nothing wrong with someone dating a man or a woman with herpes and there is nothing wrong with someone choosing not to date someone with herpes. Ya know we do have the right to reject someone even for the most trivial thing--whether it's a pimple, height, weight, hair color, etc. It doesn't matter. standards or not, right or wrong, it happens all the time. Does everyone meet your standards? Nope. You reject too. Might not be for the same reasons but you do it. Everyone does.
The op isn't wrong if he decides not to pursue this woman.
As common as it might be if the op does not have it and does not want to date someone that has it, even if it rules out most people, why is he being flamed or bashed for having this preference..,
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
