Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You're kind to let her enjoy these events before breaking things off. She'd feel terribly embarrassed going to a friend's wedding after a break up.
If you are businesslike about your breakup, tell her that you can't string her along anymore, then end communication completely; you'll be ok. If you allow communication she will scream, cry, threaten suicide, etc.
She will survive and recover more quickly if you avoid all contact for at least a year.
She will survive and recover more quickly if you avoid all contact for at least a year.
This makes it easier for the person doing the breaking up, I'm sure. They don't have to deal with the aftermath they have created which is logical...who would want to deal with that if you have no interest in the person anymore.
I don't think it always makes it easier for the person on the receiving end though.
This makes it easier for the person doing the breaking up, I'm sure. They don't have to deal with the aftermath they have created which is logical...who would want to deal with that if you have no interest in the person anymore.
I don't think it always makes it easier for the person on the receiving end though.
I believe it does make it easier. They've been through this twice, they already have a number of irreconcilable differences, and she's prone to dramatics.
If a person is prone to emotional outbursts, the best way to short circuit that response is to remove the person on the receiving end. Then the over-reacting party is forced to find other ways to respond to crisis.
It's similar to the notion that you shouldn't "feed" trolls.
.... the guilt of being the cause of ruining someone else's life is very painful.
Now hold on a second ...
You seriously cannot look at it this way.
My mom would say you're giving yourself a little too much credit by saying this ^^^.
Yes, it will hurt her to have you break up with her, but you cannot take on her emotions. She does not need to languish with someone who does not want to be with her. Her self-respect is up to HER, not you.
If you know you are not happy, you have to end it. It's the mature way to handle it. If you are respectful and as considerate as possible, that's all you can do. If she lets it "ruin her life," that's on her.
I have a very hard time firing people but not much trouble ending relationships for some strange reason. I usually just say "We had some great times together and I will remember those fondly but this relationship is over." or something similar.
Don't waver, and I think it is best if there is no physical contact.
My best all-time breakup method was to say an old love called and after talking awhile we decided to get back together. It seemed to work better than saying I'd met someone new. Being honest isn't necessarily the right way. All this mainly refers to new relationships that initially appeared to have possibilities, but no longer seemed that way.
My mom would say you're giving yourself a little too much credit by saying this ^^^.
Yes, it will hurt her to have you break up with her, but you cannot take on her emotions. She does not need to languish with someone who does not want to be with her. Her self-respect is up to HER, not you.
If you know you are not happy, you have to end it. It's the mature way to handle it. If you are respectful and as considerate as possible, that's all you can do. If she lets it "ruin her life," that's on her.
i don't think he was implying that he should stay with her even though he wants to break up, just so that he doesn't hurt her. he is saying he is going to break up with her.
i think he meant, and i could be wrong, that she doesn't know he is planning to break up, probably she is still thinking they are going along fine and has no intention of breaking up. so in her mind, things are fine. but in his mind they are not fine and he is going to hurt her with breaking up with her. i totally understand that. i just recently broke up with my boyfriend of a few years. it was really really hard to do. he did not want to break up and i felt really bad. i know that hurt him. i am hurt too though, because it was not an easy decision at all. it was hard on both of us. if he had been a total jerk to me in our relationship i wouldn't have cared as much whether breaking up with him hurt him or not.
so i think what op means is that he is going to squash her future plans with him. she will be hurt and that will be hard to do to her. maybe not ruin her life, but i get what he means. its hard to hurt someone who you love and/or care for. that doesn't mean you are taking on their emotions, or taking responsibility for them. it is just caring and having sympathy and empathy about hurting someone.
so i think what op means is that he is going to squash her future plans with him. she will be hurt and that will be hard to do to her. maybe not ruin her life, but i get what he means. its hard to hurt someone who you love and/or care for. that doesn't mean you are taking on their emotions, or taking responsibility for them. it is just caring and having sympathy and empathy about hurting someone.
Well said.
I don't like the phrase "ruin someone else's life," but I think "ruin her vision for the future" makes more sense.
Not that semantics matter here.
That type of thinking can be quicksand for some people.
I don't like the phrase "ruin someone else's life," but I think "ruin her vision for the future" makes more sense.
Not that semantics matter here
That type of thinking can be quicksand for some people.
yep! i think that can be the ego talking when we think that something we do will affect someone else to the point that their live is ruined. (generally speaking, not talking about op here).
but i do get what op was saying, knowing you are most likely going to hurt someone is not easy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
