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What possible precaution can you take when you are naked in a dark room with a guy you met two hours ago? Does she run a background check on the guy right there in the bar? Does she wear her gun to bed? I wouldn't be LOL'ing. It's not a laughing matter. I can tell you real life incidents in which this scenario has happened. A guy I went out with a few times was years later convicted of murdering a lady he picked up on a trip to Reno. He killed her and kept her body in the garage and took over living in her home. He was previously our H.S. football star and class president his senior year. Another lady got picked up at the local Indian casino, she was dead before she left the parking lot with him. Her body has never been found. Just saying, the danger is very real.
What possible precaution can you take when you are naked in a dark room with a guy you met two hours ago? Does she run a background check on the guy right there in the bar? Does she wear her gun to bed? I wouldn't be LOL'ing. It's not a laughing matter. I can tell you real life incidents in which this scenario has happened. A guy I went out with a few times was years later convicted of murdering a lady he picked up on a trip to Reno. He killed her and kept her body in the garage and took over living in her home. He was previously our H.S. football star and class president his senior year. Another lady got picked up at the local Indian casino, she was dead before she left the parking lot with him. Her body has never been found. Just saying, the danger is very real.
I'm sorry to hear of those situations.
She takes their number. She goes home. Gets online and does research. Finds out where he works, if they might have friends in common. In other words, she has about as much info as anyone who might be asked out at another venue, like a cafe, the library, school, the market.
She takes their number. She goes home. Gets online and does research. Finds out where he works, if they might have friends in common. In other words, she has about as much info as anyone who might be asked out at another venue, like a cafe, the library, school, the market.
That's a little different. You said they made random hook-ups at a bar. Now it seems they just got asked out for a date by a guy in a bar, went home and checked him out, and then went out on a different day. That's called dating, not picking up random guys for sex.
That's a little different. You said they made random hook-ups at a bar. Now it seems they just got asked out for a date by a guy in a bar, went home and checked him out, and then went out on a different day. That's called dating, not picking up random guys for sex.
Whatever you want to call it, that's cool. The guys they meet at bars have always just been for sex (mutual arrangement). Random guys. Tons of guys. Lots of sexual discovery and adventure. My friends are quite happy with this arrangement. Hopefully the OP is, too.
Whatever you want to call it, that's cool. The guys they meet at bars have always just been for sex (mutual arrangement). Random guys. Tons of guys. Lots of sexual discovery and adventure. My friends are quite happy with this arrangement. Hopefully the OP is, too.
I agree with TheShadow, what you wrote originally sounded like your friends meet a guy in a bar and go off with them that night. (And honestly, I have a hard time believing that anyone could be truly happy doing what you describe. I am no prude -- just learned long ago that empty, meaningless sex is, well, empty and meaningless. Obviously your friends can do whatever they want ... I am just skeptical about how they really feel.)
But more to the point of this thread, the OP does not at all sound happy with feeling like she "has" to do this -- quite the contrary. THAT is what most of us are responding to.
I agree with TheShadow, what you wrote originally sounded like your friends meet a guy in a bar and go off with them that night. (And honestly, I have a hard time believing that anyone could be truly happy doing what you describe. I am no prude -- just learned long ago that empty, meaningless sex is, well, empty and meaningless. Obviously your friends can do whatever they want ... I am just skeptical about how they really feel.)
But more to the point of this thread, the OP does not at all sound happy with feeling like she "has" to do this -- quite the contrary. THAT is what most of us are responding to.
I don't really think a time delay of a day or two somehow transforms the act of meeting random guys at a bar for sex into going out on a "date" with guys when the primary goal has always been to have a temporary, no-strings attached, sexual hookup. But as I said, call it whatever you like; it is what it is.
Lots of guessing going around about who's happy and who isn't. Neither you nor I can truly know if my friends or the OP are happy doing what they do. No one except for the person herself will know if she is happy or not engaging in this behavior. And for all we know, some people get off having empty and meaningless sex; not everyone is looking for meaning in a sexual relationship. OP has said she likes to pick up guys at bars, and I will take her word for it. Same thing with my friends.
If they want to do it, and they're upfront with the guy about their intentions, I say go for it. And of course, if you or I don't wish to follow suit because it's not what we're looking for, then we don't. Simple.
First off, I think you should not gave a second thought to what other people think. Some may judge you but hey, people judge us every day whether we do anything or not. Life is short. Do what you want to do. As far as the value of a loving relationship verses a random hook up, both have their pluses and minuses. As someone who is happily married, intimacy with one person who you love is a wonderful thing. But, that is not to say random sex can not be great. I had my share of random hook ups and some were not only memorable but, very positive. I'm not somebody who thinks love and sex have to go together. I think you can have a great experience with a complete stranger that you walk away from feeling infinitely good about. But I was never one to feel guilty about that sort of encounter. Others might feel that a random hook up is meaningless and feel guilty, sad or regretful. It depends on your mindset going in. As far as the double standard, yeah, it's alive and well. Most men want to have a good time with what they like to perceive as a "bad girl" and along with that mindset they automatically disrespect them afterward. That's just the way it is. Guys still want a relationship with someone they think has "high standards" or for lack of a better term, " good girl". But, if you are not looking at these guys as potential relationship material, why care? If you meet someone that you think you might be interested in having more than a casual hook up with, you might want to refrain from appearing to "eager" - guys still like the chase. It's primitive but true. In the meantime, live your life - as long as you aren't conflicted by your actions, you've got nothing to lose. As far as STDs, safety, etc., yeah, it's all common sense.
So,what is wrong with looking for random guys in a bar to sleep with?
Why do guys who do the same thing not looked down on as much as us women?
I pretty much accept this,because I do not see myself in a relationship.
It's up to you what you consider "wrong".
For me, I don't go to a dumpster to find my food...I consider that the same thing as going to a bar looking for sex. I don't do scraps.
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