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I mostly have had relationships with women I consider very normal and down to earth: No crazies, Good jobs, good moms if they have kid(s), they're moms and dads are typically still together, no records. 80% of the time this is as predictable as a clock.
On the other side of the coin most all have had border line Ex husbands or SOs in their past: Terrible providers, BP, Abusive. Not people I would normally associate with. This has also been like clockwork in my relationship history.
What drives an otherwise sane appearing person to have a not so desireable Spouse or SO in their past?
Sometimes you get a bad apple for a spouse (whether you know it prior to marriage or not), and sometimes you seek that bad apple out. In my case (and I'm a guy, just to clarify), I sought them out based on low sense of self-worth. That has been something I've been working on for some time now and have finally turned a big corner on that issue and see that I have a lot to offer/bring to the table.
But to answer your question, I look at the entire situation in terms of her past relationships and make the best decision possible when only one side of the story is known.
Do you base who you are willing to date based on their previous SO or Spouse?
For me, I have always based it on how their last relationship ended. Sure, if she was involved with a guy who was a drug seller, user, criminal type, had previous record, or something similar I would not get serious with her. She would just be "bang material". But for a potential relationship, I like to know HOW the previous relationships ended. This will usually tell me a lot about her character and help me to decide if she's relationship material or just bangable material.
Like Chum, I like do know how/why the relationship ended, out of curiosity and to gauge compatibility. Sometimes an individual's past partners is a reflection of them, how/who they choose to get involved with, their judgment, etc.
I don't know any of my husband's former girlfriends.
My husband doesn't know any of my former boyfriends. He does know that the person I was with most recently before I met him ended up being a less than stellar person, but he didn't judge me on that guy's personality problems.
Whatever circumstances drove my wife into my arms was irrelevant to me, her being in my arms was all I needed to know or care about. Over the years we've been together I've had time to delve into her past as a way of understanding her better but past relationships did not define her, they shaped her.
What shaped us, what brought us to this moment we're in is not as important as who we are.
When your new SO talks about not having long relationships, has a divorce in their portfolio and talks about always being in abusive relationships....
Yeah, pretty good red flag they are no good.
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