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How and when should you bring up the fact you won't sleep with a man until you two are in an exclusive relationship?
I couldn't really say. In all my years of dating and having sex, short term, long term, I've never at any point discussed exclusivity with someone or even whether or not we would have sex at some point. Exclusivity just happened. We would start dating and at some point, it would just become "clear" that we were both focused only on each other.
Sex would typically only happen after that point organically, not because I said to myself or to him, "Well, I'm the only one on your mind now so we can have sex". So based on my experiences, I wouldn't even bring it up unless I'm given a reason to because I've never had to.
That's not the case for everyone, though. Some people need things to be verbalized because they're uncomfortable letting things develop without knowing where they stand or what someone's intentions are or because they feel it's not concrete if it isn't stated - rather, they use the fact that it was never verbalized as an excuse to play the field.
If any of that is a concern or even if it's just important enough to you that a potential mate know your rule, I say bring it up whenever things get intimate enough for sex to be right around the corner.
Obviously, I don't mean bring it up while you're making out on the bed lol I just mean I wouldn't bring it up on the first date or when you're still in the casual phase of just hanging out together. I'd mention it if it seemed we were moving toward a point where sex is the next likely step.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammie071tone
Is waiting for exclusiveness a crazy or outdated concept in todays age? Would a woman have a harder time getting follow-on dates once she made this known?
Not at all. Exclusivity isn't that big of a deal. All it means is I'm not having sex with you if I'm not the only one you're seeing and I think the average person finds that reasonable. I don't even think the average guy is okay sleeping with a girl who is all around town with other dudes at the same time. Let's just say I first heard the words sl_t and sloppy seconds out of a man's mouth, not a woman's lol
For those who think exclusivity is such a burden, like others said, it's not like you're bound for life. If it doesn't work out, you're free to break it up and go back to exploring your options, so it's not really that big of a deal.
How are they contradictory? I have never been a believer in serial monogamy and I think taking breaks between relationships is a healthy thing.
Isn't taking breaks between relationships the same thing as serial monogamy? As opposed to overlapping, or polyamory, or one sex partner for your whole life?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Isn't taking breaks between relationships the same thing as serial monogamy? As opposed to overlapping, or polyamory, or one sex partner for your whole life?
Maybe it's terminology, but I've always considered serial monogamy to be going from one committed relationship right into another committed relationship (back to back) time and time again, without breaks. That is always how I've seen it used.
I'm not talking about saliva either. I'm talking about the scenario of going south on a woman who had recently been with another dude. A condom won't help you.
Thats what I was talking about. Most any woman I have dated over the last few years has had a long period of time between their last bf and me. 6 months was the last one, but the chance arose that I could have had sex with my old girlfriend several days after her current bf split up. I chose not to but a few of those critters could be floating around for days
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
What if he doesn't shower often?
I don't have control of anyone but myself. I am very clean and shower once in the morning and once after I leave the gym almost every day. If you want to have sex with dirty men that is your
prerogative.
Maybe it's terminology, but I've always considered serial monogamy to be going from one committed relationship right into another committed relationship (back to back) time and time again, without breaks. That is always how I've seen it used.
Ohhhh! I'm used to it meaning monogamous with one person at a time, but more than one per lifetime. As opposed to strict monogamy, which means one person per lifetime.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Ohhhh! I'm used to it meaning monogamous with one person at a time, but more than one per lifetime. As opposed to strict monogamy, which means one person per lifetime.
Well the latter is almost non existent, but fair enough... from the urban dictionary definition
one who spends as little time as possible being single, moving from the end of one relationship to the beginning of a new relationship as quickly as possible
although the relationships in which many serial monogamists find themselves are also often short lived, the defining aspect of serial monogamy is the desire and ability to enter new relationships very quickly, thus abbreviating any period of single life during which the serial monogamist may begin to ask questions of an existential nature
That's always how I've seen it used. I don't think it is healthy myself, but I'm not needy in that way.
Well the latter is almost non existent, but fair enough... from the urban dictionary definition
one who spends as little time as possible being single, moving from the end of one relationship to the beginning of a new relationship as quickly as possible
although the relationships in which many serial monogamists find themselves are also often short lived, the defining aspect of serial monogamy is the desire and ability to enter new relationships very quickly, thus abbreviating any period of single life during which the serial monogamist may begin to ask questions of an existential nature
That's always how I've seen it used. I don't think it is healthy myself, but I'm not needy in that way.
Hmm, I have been a Cereal Dater, practicing Parallel Monogamy for the majority of my life. It was trying at times
Thank you, timberline . I was using the definition that's common in sexuality research. I had no idea there was this other, parallel usage! It's neat to learn something .
PS: I had a housemate like that, when I was in college. Her relationships ranged from 2 weeks to 2 months. She was surprised that the rest of us were surprised .
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, I have been a Cereal Dater, practicing Parallel Monogamy for the majority of my life. It was trying at times
. I was using the definition that's common in sexuality research. I had no idea there was this other, parallel usage! It's neat to learn something 
.
