Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hello, I don't know if someone as been through a similar situation but I have a tricky question in hands.
I've dated here and there but I was never one to keep a long relationship with someone because I hate commitment. However, I've had this female friend since we were in high school and we have been in love for all these years. We were involved on and off in our early 20s but we were never boyfriend and girlfriend.
She had boyfriends later and believe it or not, I was never jealous. I was happy for her because I want the best for her. However, we still hold a very special affection for each other even if she is with someone else. I mean friendly affection of course, not cheating. I know how to separate things.
She's getting married next month and we arranged a coffee meeting a few days ago. We're speaking and suddenly she tells me she would cancel the wedding if I told her I wanted to stay with her. I told her she was insane, she has dated the guy for years and I couldn't promise her something I could never give: commitment.
We resumed the conversation and didn't speak about that anymore.
However, I've been thinking about cutting off all ties with her. She's getting married, might have a couple of children and I don't want to be around with the potential risk of giving in to my desires and ruining her life.
I think the best for both of us is being apart, even though that will be hard.
Maybe the reason you haven't committed to anyone is because you love this woman? You are breaking off contact with her because it will pain you to see her "happy" with another man, or because you think you will use her for sex (only) should she have a weak moment? If the latter you are probably better off breaking off all contact with her, and tell her why so she doesn't pine for you any longer.
Maybe the reason you haven't committed to anyone is because you love this woman? You are breaking off contact with her because it will pain you to see her "happy" with another man, or because you think you will use her for sex (only) should she have a weak moment? If the latter you are probably better off breaking off all contact with her, and tell her why so she doesn't pine for you any longer.
I don't think so, I simply don't like commitment.
I would never use her for anything since it would always happen by mutual consent. I couldn't be more sincere with her than how I've already been.
I love to see her happy with someone else but marriage is not a high school fling anymore, it's serious business and I can't promise I won't give in to my desires after that.
I'm not even sure I'll go the wedding yet, even though she has begged me to go.
Yes, leave her alone. Let her have the life she wants that you are unable to give.
Thanks. I think it'll be easier for both of us in the long run even though it'll be extremely difficult now. I'm at my best when I'm with her but I couldn't possibly run the risk of ruining her married life, especially if there'll be kids involved.
I feel so sorry for her fiance. He has no idea that another man has his wifes heart. Pisses me off.
I've told her the same thing but it's not my place to meddle into their business. She cares for him and she's faithful to him but she has admitted he's not her love.
Curiously, they still have more things in common than we would ever do.
I've told her the same thing but it's not my place to meddle into their business. She cares for him and she's faithful to him but she has admitted he's not her love.
Curiously, they still have more things in common than we would ever do.
That is not my idea of a marriage.
I would not want to be in her shoes.
It is great that the two of them have more things in common compared to you and her, but since he is not her love, I would not marry him if I was in her shoes. Compatibility is no indicator of "spark." Without "spark" the relationship would be lonely to me. I would feel like I married a roommate, not a spouse.
Last edited by snugglegirl05; 04-06-2014 at 02:42 PM..
That is not my idea of a marriage. I would not want to be in her shoes.
It is great that the two of them have more things in common compared to you and her, but since he is not her love, I would not marry him if I was in her shoes.
That's why I won't be with anyone else, I would only be fooling myself.
Still, I commend her for moving on with her life instead of pointlessly waiting for me to change. Besides, she has always wanted to have children. The guy is great and will only do her good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
