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confidence is overrated.
I remember Michael Buble said in one of his interview that he still has troubles approaching women because every single time you try to show vulnerability to people, you basically taking a risk.
Some people can STILL do it (cold approach), but let's not pretending they are some kind of experts. Nobody is.
Good post and it brings up a very good point. I think too many people believe that if a person lacks confidence in one area of their lives then they lack it in all others. It's a very simplistic ideology. Buble probably has a hard time approaching women he likes but is very confident in performing. Many entertainers are like this actually.
If................you're................ talking................ to................ someone................ and ................you................ like................ them.. ask................ them out. ................If ................you don't................ really................ like ................them................... don't ................ask................ them ................out.
Again, no poise and it will get you every time. Its still in the approach stage and elements required prior to approaching which will aid in rejection or success.
I hear you CPG- i don't know how that can be implemented into its own element. But also, we are talking about random encounters here- times when you are walking along side by side with someone that just got off the train and you may never see them again. Is it even reasonable to disguise your intentions? I am sure you have viewed the clips of a man seeing a female across the street and doing everything he can to cross over and get her attention. You think she doesn't smell his "ulterior motive"? - that happens in real life as well but may not be as dramatic but its based on personal emotions and experiences expressed through the camera.
Furthermore, if you are at a coffee shop and you think you may have gotten signals, is there an ulterior motive on the her part- does she partly disguise it? Why all the hiding and fronts? Is it that a man MUST wait for clues in order not to give the ulterior motive stench? I don't know, its a conversation to be had. Let's see what others say.
Below is from another poster in another thread-
"In real life, the guy who stares at the girl across the bar but never approaches knows that this will be difficult to do when his pride, reputation and success all hinge on his performance. Many of my guy friends have secretly told us girls that they had to drink some alcohol before cold approaching a random woman in the bar. And these guy are pretty popular guys who are all pretty good looking".
You make it way too hard. Just say something innocuous. Based on her response, you'll know what to do next.
Good post and it brings up a very good point. I think too many people believe that if a person lacks confidence in one area in their lives then they lack it in all others. It's a very simplistic ideology. Buble probably has a hard time approaching women he likes but is very confident in performing. Many entertainers are like this actually.
Exactly- but that is why I said being "on it" and having that overly sense of well being ocurring is very helpful. Not always will that confidence shine through.
like I said in my OP- "But then there are other times when that same individual freezes up at that particular moment because they are out of their comfort zone, in a public area, or may not be experiencing that same overly sense of stimulation. This freeze may come irregardless of level of confidence and or wittiness".
This is a random approach thread and that is why you don't get it. We haven't even gotten to the point where the two are having a conversation. That is a totally different area that comes with personality and other elements.
That is why you don't get it- you are too many steps ahead and not employing (poise as nila jones added). You are too emotionally involved and blurting out without thinking. This thread is the "you are on line and you see a stunner". Not, "as you are hitting it off". Not the same….
But now you get it. It happens
I still don't get it. If I see someone who I want to talk to, I just talk. Then if I'm still interested in her I will ask her out.
Again, no poise and it will get you every time. Its still in the approach stage and elements required prior to approaching which will aid in rejection or success.
OMG. You just don't pay attention do you? The very term 'approach stage' tells me that you don't understand. You are not a squad of special forces infiltrating an enemy compound.
Here's the thing. The odds of your walking up to a random woman and scoring a date with her are somewhere around 0.1%. Just don't do it. The odds of your being maced are considerably higher.
If you're in a place such as coffee shop, quit staring a hole in the woman across the room. If you approached her, you would be seen as a serious creep. Your chance of scoring a date with her is around 0.2%. Don't do it. But if you're in line next to an attractive woman at the coffee shop, say something innocuous about the line or the music or something that isn't probing for information. Because then you've forged a common bond with this person. If she thinks you're halfway attractive or interesting, she'll keep talking. But if the conversation falters, just stop.
You have to realize that it's a numbers game. That's it. The more you talk to people, the more comfortable you are and the better your odds.
I still don't get it. If I see someone who I want to talk to, I just talk. Then if I'm still interested in her I will ask her out.
This is the crux of it. Some people can't bring themselves to talk. They freeze and get overwhelmed with anxiety and self-doubt. It's easier to climb Mt. Everest than to "just talk" to the opposite sex, for some.
OMG. You just don't pay attention do you? The very term 'approach stage' tells me that you don't understand. You are not a squad of special forces infiltrating an enemy compound.
Here's the thing. The odds of your walking up to a random woman and scoring a date with her are somewhere around 0.1%. Just don't do it. The odds of your being maced are considerably higher.
If you're in a place such as coffee shop, quit staring a hole in the woman across the room. If you approached her, you would be seen as a serious creep. Your chance of scoring a date with her is around 0.2%. Don't do it. But if you're in line next to an attractive woman at the coffee shop, say something innocuous about the line or the music or something that isn't probing for information. Because then you've forged a common bond with this person. If she thinks you're halfway attractive or interesting, she'll keep talking. But if the conversation falters, just stop.
You have to realize that it's a numbers game. That's it. The more you talk to people, the more comfortable you are and the better your odds.
The bolded is really important, because it seems some people are simply not comfortable talking to others at all, let alone women specifically.
When you see someone, think of something pleasant and positive/upbeat/funny to say. I'm not a comedienne by any stretch, but I always try to say something that will bring a smile to someone's face.
For example, I went for a walk last night. The first person I ran into was a guy with his dog in the park. She was off-leash and when she saw me, she made a beeline for me, while he was behind her calling her back. She didn't pay any attention to him, jumped up on me, was licking my hand and I reached down to pet her as he came tearing up, apologizing. I just said "she has great listening skills!" and laughed. He laughed too and then I wished him a good evening and carried on with my walk.
The second guy I passed was teaching a small child to ride a tricycle. He said hello as I passed and I said hello back and then said to the little boy "that looks like fun, good luck!" and kept walking.
It's just a matter of observing and thinking of something appropriate to say in a given situation. Keep repeating that and it will give you more confidence to get outside your own head and be social with others before even getting to an approach stage.
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