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Well, while I would never put moving in together in the same league as marriage, that's gotta count for something, there's a pretty good chance we'll move in together. " Figure out how to date her"? I'm sorry, IDK what you mean?
Are your parents going to fund that too, or you are you going to be willing to part with your own precious money?
Stop going in circles. You KNOW the answer. You are infatuated with each other.
She is your first real GF. Relax. It's not forever. Keep it fun because LDRs are NOT worth it unless you are already committed to each other (i.e. married or close to it).
Figure out how to date her and still treat your parents with respect. They do have your best interests in mind and they DO know you better than Dannielle does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper
In lust and thinking with the wrong head, and too young and inexperienced to know the difference.
I'll give you examples from my life.
When I was 17, a man I was dating proposed to me. He was a year older and I was his first serious girlfriend. I knew that it was just infatuation and not love so I "let him down easy".
When I was 18, another man I was dating proposed to me. I was his first serious girlfriend.
I broke it off but we remained very close friends while we dated other people.
When I was 19, another man I was dating proposed to me. I was only his second serious girlfriend. I knew that it would not work out in the long run so I said "No".
When I was 20, yet another man I was dating proposed to me. He was several years older and I was his first serious girlfriend since he moved to the US to attend school. I really, really, really knew that it would not work out in the long run so I said "No".
Guess what? After "sowing my wild oats" through college and beyond I proposed to BF number two at age 24 (the one who proposed to me at age 18). We have now been married 37 years.
Point # 1. Did you notice how I was the first or second serious GF of each of those guys and they did not have experience to make rational decisions because they were infatuated with me? I knew they did not love me and I did not love them (in a mature, life long marriage sort of way).
Point # 2. The man I did marry, the absolute love of my life, stayed in the picture as my best friend for six years, while we dated other people. OP, if your GF is truly the "love of your life" she will stay in the picture for many years until you both mature and grow up.
And school? If you're so grown up that you can move in with a girl, shouldn't you be taking on all of life's responsibilities, not just the ones that suit you?
And school? If you're so grown up that you can move in with a girl, shouldn't you be taking on all of life's responsibilities, not just the ones that suit you?
They would still pay for the school, but I'd pay for the apt.
They would still pay for the school, but I'd pay for the apt.
Wow! You must have a great job!
Near my daughter's University one bedroom apartments rent for $800 to $1200 a month, and if the utilities aren't included that may be an extra $100 for internet, $100 to $150 for electric and $100 to $200 for heat. Hmmm, $800 to $1,500 a month (that is why most people live in multiple bedroom places so that they can split the rent & utilities more ways) can you afford that much? Or are you and GF going to live in a bigger place with a lot of room mates? Have you even discussed thing with your GF?
Are you splitting the expenses with your GF? How do her parents feel about her living with you? Are you sure that they will continue paying for her college expenses or will you take that over that responsibility as well?
Will your parents continue to buy your food now that you aren't in a residential hall food plan? Have you even discussed that with them?
And don't forget that most places require both the first and last month's rent and a hefty security deposit (sometimes a months rent) in advance. In some college towns parents are required to co-sign the lease as long as the renter is an undergraduate or under 21 (it varies from place to place). Will you parents agree to co-sign?
In the two different college town where my children lived, probably 90% to 95% of the apartments near campus are rented well before school ends in the spring. Although, students usually can find places in the fall they may be farther from campus, a longer walk to the bus lines, or just less desirable places (or they may luck out if someone renting a great apartment breaks their lease). Just one more thing to consider.
I don't want to sound like a real pessimist but I have a strong feeling that you really haven't thought a lot of these things through very carefully.
Perhaps, just stay in the residence hall (or wherever you were scheduled to live) for one more year and think about moving in together during the 2015-2016 school year (if you are still together). Heck, if you really love each other what difference does one year make if you will be living together until you die in your 90s. Instead of 70 years together it will be only 69 years, hardly a big deal over the long run.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronsolini
They would still pay for the school, but I'd pay for the apt.
Did you actually ask your parents if they would still pay for college if you go against their wishes and move in together with your girl friend? Some parents would say "Pay for everything yourself."
If you are over 18 they do not have any obligation to continue "sacrificing" (as you put it earlier) for you.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-08-2014 at 10:14 AM..
Near my daughter's University one bedroom apartments rent for $800 to $1200 a month, and if the utilities aren't included that may be an extra $100 for internet, $100 to $150 for electric and $100 to $200 for heat. Hmmm, $800 to $1,500 a month (that is why most people live in multiple bedroom places so that they can split the rent & utilities more ways) can you afford that much? Or are you and GF going to live in a bigger place with a lot of room mates? Have you even discussed thing with your GF?
Are you splitting the expenses with your GF? How do her parents feel about her living with you? Are you sure that they will continue paying for her college expenses or will you take that over that responsibility as well?
Will your parents continue to buy your food now that you aren't in a residential hall food plan? Have you even discussed that with them?
And don't forget that most places require both the first and last month's rent and a hefty security deposit (sometimes a months rent) in advance. In some college towns parents are required to co-sign the lease as long as the renter is an undergraduate or under 21 (it varies from place to place). Will you parents agree to co-sign?
In the two different college town where my children lived, probably 90% to 95% of the apartments near campus are rented well before school ends in the spring. Although, students usually can find places in the fall they may be farther from campus, a longer walk to the bus lines, or just less desirable places (or they may luck out if someone renting a great apartment breaks their lease). Just one more thing to consider.
I don't want to sound like a real pessimist but I have a strong feeling that you really haven't thought a lot of these things through very carefully.
Perhaps, just stay in the residence hall (or wherever you were scheduled to live) for one more year and think about moving in together during the 2015-2016 school year (if you are still together). Heck, if you really love each other what difference does one year make if you will be living together until you die in your 90s. Instead of 70 years together it will be only 69 years, hardly a big deal over the long run.
Did you actually ask your parents if they would still pay for college if you go against their wishes and move in together with your girl friend? Some parents would say "Pay for everything yourself."
If you are over 18 they do not have any obligation to continue "sacrificing" (as you put it earlier) for you.
As I said before, we're still in the " talking about it" phase and we'd probably aim for the year after next seeing as it's probably too late now. We would split the costs of everything you just listed. I would assume her parents would be ok, I think they liked me. I would, if need be, beg them to co-sign.
As I said before, we're still in the " talking about it" phase and we'd probablyaim for the year after next seeing as it's probably too late now. We would split the costs of everything you just listed. I would assume her parents would be ok, I think they liked me. I would, if need be, beg them to co-sign.
I'm glad to hear that you are deciding to take it slowly.
Perhaps, you will still be together a year from now or perhaps not, but at least you are not rushing into something.
PS. My husband and I really, really liked all of our daughter's boyfriends but we would have been extremely angry with her and would have completely cut her off financially (no co-signing her student loans, no paying for car insurance on our family policy, no keeping her on our family cell phone plan, etc.) if she decided to live with a BF at age 19 (or 20 or 22 or until she had graduated and was totally self-supporting or married).
So I hope that you are not just "assuming" that her parents would be happy about their daughter living with her BF when she is in college, even if they "like" him. A lot (not all, but a lot) of parents do not want their young adult daughters living with BFs (for the reasons that people listed earlier in this thread).
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-08-2014 at 12:18 PM..
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