Marriage, a Luxury Item? (women, love, family, children)

[DennyCrane]

I was reading an interesting article today about how growing income inequality is changing marriage patterns, causing more people to delay marriage or just give up on it entirely. The article talked about the gender bargain, which makes it sound like a negotiation between men and women to decide whether it's worth entering into marriage.

First, you have more men at the top making BIG, big money. They can afford to be picky and they have to be since they have so much to lose. Women at the top are also pickier for the same reason. Now it's about finding a partner who enhances your position. One high income could get you a decent house in a nice suburb. But two 6 figure incomes means you can live in a really big house and put your kids in private school.

Then you have people who went to college, but aren't making big money. Plus they have massive student loans to pay off. So they put off getting married and having kids until they can get out of debt. Meanwhile, the high earner whose parents paid for school doesn't have to wait. He can get married now if he wants to. A friend of mine jokes that student debt is the best form of birth control.

Lastly, you've got people at the bottom. They're struggling to find jobs making it harder to plan a future together since you don't know whether you'll have a job next month or need to move to another city to find work. How many women are going to want to marry a guy who's out of work one month and working a dead end job the next? How many are going to want to start a family with that person?

So the article posed an interesting question. Do you think marriage has become or is on the verge of becoming a luxury that only wealthy people can afford?

[jm31828]

I don't think so- not at all. If anything, if two people who are both struggling financially are in love and want to spend their lives together, it benefits them to get married because they can pool their resources and share expenses. I don't see marriage actually COSTING money at all, so it would never be a luxury type of item that a certain segment of the population has to miss out on.

[CarbonCountyLiving]

Originally Posted by jm31828

I don't think so- not at all. If anything, if two people who are both struggling financially are in love and want to spend their lives together, it benefits them to get married because they can pool their resources and share expenses. I don't see marriage actually COSTING money at all, so it would never be a luxury type of item that a certain segment of the population has to miss out on.

This. I actually had a discussion about this recently with a friend and he said the same thing.

[jsun556]

No, you can get married in Vegas for a few bucks...

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by jm31828

I don't think so- not at all. If anything, if two people who are both struggling financially are in love and want to spend their lives together, it benefits them to get married because they can pool their resources and share expenses. I don't see marriage actually COSTING money at all, so it would never be a luxury type of item that a certain segment of the population has to miss out on.

Young people are doing that already (in most places I've lived, which admittedly, are generally high COL area) by having roommates into their late 20s and often mid 30s. With marriage, people are generally only doing that with one person, instead of 2-3.

[jillabean]

Originally Posted by jm31828

I don't think so- not at all. If anything, if two people who are both struggling financially are in love and want to spend their lives together, it benefits them to get married because they can pool their resources and share expenses. I don't see marriage actually COSTING money at all, so it would never be a luxury type of item that a certain segment of the population has to miss out on.

It could be argued that two people could just move in together and do the same thing without getting married. I think people tend to do that as well. Of course, there are certain tax and legal benefits (like being able to share a spouce's health insurance--it's cheaper to have one policy with two people on it than two policies... that kind of thing). But I don't think a lot of people think much beyond basic income and expenses... they don't think about these "hidden" income boosters.

[John13]

Do you think marriage has become or is on the verge of becoming a luxury that only wealthy people can afford?

I do not. But I do find it very sad that the middle class has eroded which started in the 1980s.

I so can't relate to a luxury, more room than anyone needs, house and expensive automobiles. If I suddenly struck it rich I would give most of my money away to people that really need it. I only want to live very modestly. No desire for exotic vacations or cruises either.

I never wanted children but I understand the desire other humans have who want them. If the couple can't make 75K between them (50K in less populated areas) with adequate health insurance they need to forget it. I do not consider that "big money" but it is necessary to earn that in order to give children a decent life.

[Spatula City]

OP why didn't you post a link to the article?

It seems to make sense but this uber-practical vision of human relations as 'gender bargains' or like mutually advantageous business arrangements is repugnant. I get we're all expected to sacrifice ourselves to the machine in order to get what we're all supposed to want, but surely there is more to being alive and loving each other than the prospect of scoring an extra $100k.

I swear to god it must be Milton Friedman himself writing these articles from beyond the grave.

[LXXXI]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

I was reading an interesting article today about how growing income inequality

*facepalm*

is changing marriage patterns, causing more people to delay marriage or just give up on it entirely.

There's a bit more to it than that, and even the piece of the puzzle they've got hold of isn't what they think it is.

The article talked about the gender bargain, which makes it sound like a negotiation between men and women to decide whether it's worth entering into marriage.

Basically, it is. She's trading her youthful beauty and fertility for his resources.

First, you have more men at the top making BIG, big money. They can afford to be picky and they have to be since they have so much to lose.

I don't know about the first sentence, but the second is spot on.

Women at the top are also pickier for the same reason.

Negative, Ghostrider. The vast majority of women have no interest whatsoever in a guy that makes less than them. Period, full stop. The higher they are on that pyramid, the fewer men there are above them.

Then you have people who went to college, but aren't making big money. Plus they have massive student loans to pay off. So they put off getting married and having kids until they can get out of debt.

This only applies to men. Women can pawn their debt off on men in divorce. It's interesting....no, that's not the word I'm looking for....CRIMINAL, that's the one.....how the divorce industry works in the western countries.

Meanwhile, the high earner whose parents paid for school doesn't have to wait. He can get married now if he wants to. A friend of mine jokes that student debt is the best form of birth control.

Heh, good one. If your friend is smart he'll keep those loans forever. Debt isn't a good thing, unless it keeps you from making bad decisions.

Lastly, you've got people at the bottom. They're struggling to find jobs making it harder to plan a future together since you don't know whether you'll have a job next month or need to move to another city to find work. How many women are going to want to marry a guy who's out of work one month and working a dead end job the next? How many are going to want to start a family with that person?

Eh. I don't think I can really agree with this. Those on the bottom tend to be there for a reason, and those reasons TEND to be lack of intelligence and education. Perfect candidates for marriage. Plus the bottom is where the thugs, jocks, criminals, and other riffraff (you know, those "OMG SO HAWT!" guys that are the only ones that are wanted before a woman is 30) tend to be. A lot of them still buy into the "Man up and marry her cuz she's pregnant" nonsense.

So the article posed an interesting question. Do you think marriage has become or is on the verge of becoming a luxury that only wealthy people can afford?

I don't know if it's becoming a luxury. I kind of hope it is.

Either way, the marriage rate is in a tailspin, declining more and more every year. I doubt anything can be done at this point to reverse that, and hope no one tries.

[Dewdroplet76]

I don't know but everyone keeps talking about how fewer and fewer people are getting married - and all I see around me is people getting married...