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Well it took a while but I finally got to see the true colors of the woman I was dating.( I had to break it off )
I posted about her a while back, she's a teller at my bank and she used her position to contact me by looking up my phone number. We started going out and seemed to really hit it off. It seemed to good to be true ( and was ) ,I tried to slow it down but she didn't want to.
Out of the blue she starts getting angry over nothing and trying to twist things I said into something totally untrue. It was like she was a completely different person. ( we are both over 40 but she was acting very weird and childish)
It turns out , when she was 15 her boyfriend was killed in a car accident when she was with him.She never went to therapy or had any type of counseling so I think this still affects her.
How do people hold it together so well at first ? Is there any way to spot it early ?
Well it took a while but I finally got to see the true colors of the woman I was dating.( I had to break it off )
I posted about her a while back, she's a teller at my bank and she used her position to contact me by looking up my phone number. We started going out and seemed to really hit it off. It seemed to good to be true ( and was ) ,I tried to slow it down but she didn't want to.
Out of the blue she starts getting angry over nothing and trying to twist things I said into something totally untrue. It was like she was a completely different person. ( we are both over 40 but she was acting very weird and childish)
It turns out , when she was 15 her boyfriend was killed in a car accident when she was with him.She never went to therapy or had any type of counseling so I think this still affects her.
How do people hold it together so well at first ? Is there any way to spot it early ?
Good rule of thumb: The person is going to be on their best behavior with you, at first, because they want you. Interestingly enough at this point they will be what is closer to their real selves with others around them. So observe how he or she treats wait staff, service personnel, their fellow motorists, their relatives and heck, even their dog. Observe how they handle good fortune that comes into their life...as well as bad fortune. These things tend to tell the tale. In your post, you mention that you wanted to go slow, she wanted to go fast. When your date wants to rush intimacy, or the pace of the relationship...they want you hooked so it will be harder to get away once the flaws are revealed. They don't trust that you would hang around even if you observed the flaws over time.
Your more emotionally healthy people are determined to take it slow starting out. I've never heard of a "whirlwind romance" that ever worked out quite right. Guard your heart. Don't give it away so fast, and don't let a good sexual experience with that person do your thinking for you either. Good luck.
I'd like to add a few thoughts, I have been studying this myself for a while. And actually, Burglers comment was kind of correct. Whatever makes you YOU is going to attract or not attract certain kinds of people. Sometimes its opposite behaviors or habits and sometimes its the same kind of things.
The kind of woman who lacks the professional etiquette and moral judgment to know whether or not to use her position at her job for her personal reasons-such as getting your phone number. Well, she ran the risk of losing her job for one thing. You could have reported her as that is a breach of your right to privacy.
I guess in this case that was your first clue.
Other things are subtle, can I suggest that you do some more reading and learning about this? Just google something like personality disorders. And start there. Learn about traits that you know you don't want to have in your life...
she's a teller at my bank and she used her position to contact me by looking up my phone number. Huge red flag many of us warned you about in your previous thread.
I tried to slow it down but she didn't want to. Another sign = ignoring YOUR feelings
Out of the blue she starts getting angry over nothing and trying to twist things I said into something totally untrue. Yet another sign.
I would say all of these are early warning signs. Consider yourself educated.
Unfortunately there is no manual that everyone is carrying around and you don't have that one page which prevents you from going through the 'experience.'
Look at it this way. We date to see what we do and do not want in another person and there will always be some dysfunction at all levels. You get to determine what you can and can't live with and it's completely different than what someone else can and can't.
All the people we interact with just give us another day of experience in life.
You had the first row seat based on how she came stalking you. Most of us saw it a huge red flag including yourself, when you said its too good to be true.
Sometimes what seems too good really happens to be true, but in this case its the way she approached you> at the expense of universal professionalism. Additionally, she kept you in check on her personal list while she was still in a marriage> the sign of hazard.
You would have spot them if you wanted, must be the unusual attention that blinded your judgement.
Everyone is a little crazy,
a little unusual, a little quirky-
And if they're too perfect to admit it,
they're lying, lol
As Jason Mraz puts it--
There's no shame in being crazy
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