How do you spot the dysfunction early on ? (personal, stalk, reasons)
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Personal presence or presenting; I don't know. If you have the patience to listen close enough and long enough, the truth can be found. People who are true have consistency; idiosyncrasies that turn into glaring incongruence is typically a red flag. If you use all your senses, you will understand the person and sync with them. Women use the term regularly - you have to feel somebody. And to reflect what was stated in another thread, if the feeling is not there, you can't create it. Move on and try again with someone else. You can typically know within a few dates, certainly by the end of 6 weeks with the best liars.
A good rule of thumb: if they are willing to take private information from a bank, no less, to use it to contact a guy..... they have issues.
Why didn't you think crazy stalking chick right off the bat?
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When my daughter started dating her last bf she we used to joke about how long it would take to figure out "what's wrong with him" because she's had a string of failed relationships. Don't get me wrong, she is not the easiest person to be in a be with and she knows it, but she is doesn't hide herself because she wants a guy who can handle her. The theory is that everyone has problems, you just have to find problems you can live with! At first his quirks were 'cute' but little things added up and eventually it got weird.
Good rule of thumb: The person is going to be on their best behavior with you, at first, because they want you. Interestingly enough at this point they will be what is closer to their real selves with others around them. So observe how he or she treats wait staff, service personnel, their fellow motorists, their relatives and heck, even their dog. Observe how they handle good fortune that comes into their life...as well as bad fortune. These things tend to tell the tale. In your post, you mention that you wanted to go slow, she wanted to go fast. When your date wants to rush intimacy, or the pace of the relationship...they want you hooked so it will be harder to get away once the flaws are revealed. They don't trust that you would hang around even if you observed the flaws over time.
Your more emotionally healthy people are determined to take it slow starting out. I've never heard of a "whirlwind romance" that ever worked out quite right. Guard your heart. Don't give it away so fast, and don't let a good sexual experience with that person do your thinking for you either. Good luck.
Such a good post. Definitely. Everyone is going to be on their best behavior. That's just human nature. I was reading something about Dave Barry (very funny guy) and he was discussing passing gas at home. Betcha he was extra careful not to let that happen in the beginning, with the woman who became his wife. Such a thing might or might not be forgivable at first, but later on, well, it's more forgivable.
And yes, healthy people tend to go slow and not give off desperate, I-have-to-get-me-somebody signals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61
Good rule of thumb: The person is going to be on their best behavior with you, at first, because they want you. Interestingly enough at this point they will be what is closer to their real selves with others around them. So observe how he or she treats wait staff, service personnel, their fellow motorists, their relatives and heck, even their dog. Observe how they handle good fortune that comes into their life...as well as bad fortune. These things tend to tell the tale. In your post, you mention that you wanted to go slow, she wanted to go fast. When your date wants to rush intimacy, or the pace of the relationship...they want you hooked so it will be harder to get away once the flaws are revealed. They don't trust that you would hang around even if you observed the flaws over time.
Your more emotionally healthy people are determined to take it slow starting out. I've never heard of a "whirlwind romance" that ever worked out quite right. Guard your heart. Don't give it away so fast, and don't let a good sexual experience with that person do your thinking for you either. Good luck.
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Such a thing might or might not be forgivable at first, but later on, well, it's more forgivable.
