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Well it took a while but I finally got to see the true colors of the woman I was dating.( I had to break it off )
I posted about her a while back, she's a teller at my bank and she used her position to contact me by looking up my phone number. We started going out and seemed to really hit it off. It seemed to good to be true ( and was ) ,I tried to slow it down but she didn't want to.
Out of the blue she starts getting angry over nothing and trying to twist things I said into something totally untrue. It was like she was a completely different person. ( we are both over 40 but she was acting very weird and childish)
It turns out , when she was 15 her boyfriend was killed in a car accident when she was with him.She never went to therapy or had any type of counseling so I think this still affects her.
How do people hold it together so well at first ? Is there any way to spot it early ?
I think it has a lot to do with the other person.
I personally have a lot of issues that I consider glaring, but I have brought my issues up to others and they look at me like I'm crazy.
I think what it is is that a lot of things are subjective.
To me, I would have spotted the dysfunction when she looked up my number and used it to call me. That would have been a sign right there. However, I may have still liked her and been down with it. I might have even stuck through it a little.
[quote=laorbust61;35130756]Good rule of thumb: The person is going to be on their best behavior with you, at first, because they want you. Interestingly enough at this point they will be what is closer to their real selves with others around them. So observe how he or she treats wait staff, service personnel, their fellow motorists, their relatives and heck, even their dog. Observe how they handle good fortune that comes into their life...as well as bad fortune. These things tend to tell the tale. In your post, you mention that you wanted to go slow, she wanted to go fast.
When your date wants to rush intimacy, or the pace of the relationship...they want you hooked so it will be harder to get away once the flaws are revealed. They don't trust that you would hang around even if you observed the flaws over time.
I think this is the one thing ^^ that I'll pay very close attention to in the future.
By nature I'm a pretty skeptical person, I had my eye on her actions all along. I payed close attention to her actions and reactions. She was good at keeping it all boxed up, her life in general appeared to be quite normal. I think once she figured out she could not manipulate me , the crazy had to come bursting out.
I'm just glad I was able to see it before I got in any deeper.
Side note, Now that its over she told me she contacted the last woman I dated to get info on me, pure crazy
I would say the fact she used her position at the bank to get in touch with you should have been a big red flag. The other big red flag is her rushing into a relationship with you. You can only fake things so long and eventually the real person will come out. Be thankful you found out her true self before it went any further.
I would say the fact she used her position at the bank to get in touch with you should have been a big red flag. The other big red flag is her rushing into a relationship with you. You can only fake things so long and eventually the real person will come out. Be thankful you found out her true self before it went any further.
I have to agree with this. The first huge red flag was how she contacted you. If someone tries to control the relationship in the beginning it's never a good thing. She chased you and then wanted you to play by her rules...that's never a good thing. Hindsight is always 20/20 and unfortunately there isn't a way to prepare for everything but when in doubt, take it slow and ask yourself questions.
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