Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
T
I don't have "issues," but am probably just unethical.
This one sentence says it all. Whether or not it "takes two to tango" as you said is irrelevant in my opinion. An ethical person takes responsibility for his actions without excuse.
Relationships born in a bed of lies and unethical behavior are doomed to be unhappy, troubled relationships whether or not two people remain together or not. More often than not such relationships end because neither partner will ever be able to fully respect the other.
You clearly have feelings for her that are clouding your judgment. She may have been texting you the day before her wedding and the day after, but she DID get married and she is still currently married. She made her choice. Maybe she sees you as only a friend or maybe she does have feelings for you beyond friendship. I don't know. All you need to know is that she is married and has made a conscious choice to stay that way despite your interactions with her. If he is gay, if they are unhappy and in debt, it doesn't matter. She chooses to stay with him. If you didn't feel guilty somewhere you wouldn't be here posting this question.
Stop with the texting. If one day she leaves her husband and you are both single, then maybe you can give things another shot. But now isn't the time. It isn't worth it. And remember you don't live with her or see her only a daily basis. How do you know if she's changed? She might break up her marriage for you and then you find out all the reasons you broke up are still true! You are entertaining a fantasy IMO.
I have had quite a few girlfriends and dated one girl from 2006-2008. We're both in our late 20s. She had some mental health issues (bipolar) and eventually lost her athletic scholarship because of it. She was also never able to hold a steady job. There were great times, but more bad ones, as she would either not communicate much or would disappear for weeks at a time and go back to stay with friends in her college town and tell no one. We had quite a few arguments (some intoxicated) and just grew apart. We didn't speak for a few years. I chalk a lot of the problems up to both her personal issues at the time as well as just being young and dumb.
Around 2011 we started speaking again over Facebook, after she was engaged to a mutual acquaintance, whom every gay man I know in our small town said was gay, often with details. Occasional FB messages led to texting, and by 2012, we were texting regularly, with her texting me the day before and after her wedding. She even texted me pictures of their honeymoon while she was on it! We did not live in the same town at the time.
I moved back last year and we started talking more, which progressed into lunches when we worked on the same street and sometimes Skype when I wasn't working in the town. I don't live in the same town now, but we still text daily, and sometimes call when lunches match up. Occasionally she'll text me in the middle of the night. We probably send 500 texts on average a month.
She's now gotten the mental health issues under control and I haven't seen any of the problems we had when we were together, but the chemistry is still there, and probably better now that we're older and more mature. I still get thrilled when I see her, hear her voice, etc. I had a difficult period last year where a friend died and I got laid off in the span of a month, and she was one of the few people outside my family that really stuck by me.
She's never said outright that she feels stuck in her marriage, but they appear to be more like roommates. Her husband look extremely "stiff" in the pictures on Facebook, like he's just going through the motions, but has a genuine smile on his face when he was in some silly picture with several friends at the beach, all of whom were in nothing but briefs. From what I know, he spends a good deal of his free time with friends and his brothers. They do some things together, but honestly seem to be more like friends.
He wants to stay in the area they currently live in and she doesn't, and she's never liked the area. They bought a condo a few years ago that they're fixing up and are going to sell. I've talked to her about my wanting to relocate to central or south FL eventually and she's already been applying for jobs in Tampa and Fort Lauderdale, and said she's leaving the area she lives in by next year, but doesn't even mention hubby. My guess is that they are fixing this condo up to sell, try to make a little money, and maybe separate. She was not on board with the idea when they bought it and it seems to be an anchor for her.
I'd like for her to be with me, but sometimes I think I end up being the adventurous/fun/romantic choice, and the hubby is the consistent/safe choice. I think she likes the idea of being with me as I'm a lot more flexible, move around a lot, and have a little bit of a flashier lifestyle, but he's the "safe choice."
What do you think of the situation?
Tell the truth, have you hit it since she's been married? You sound desperate..
How do we know she's lying to her husband, though? OP already admitted that none of these texts are romantic in nature. Sounds like she's telling him stuff she'd tell a good friend.
Not all men mind if a woman is friends with her ex.
If OP was telling us that this woman was plotting to run away with him, I'd absolutely agree with you.
The whole "possible relationship" seems like something OP made up by himself so far.
If you believe she admitted to her husband that she was texting another man during their honeymoon, I have a bridge to sell you.
If you believe she admitted to her husband that she was texting another man during their honeymoon, I have a bridge to sell you.
My point was that she may have texted several people during her honeymoon. And her husband may not have asked or cared. Married people don't tell each other everything they do.
Nor do they need to. My real point was that she has NOT brought up anything to the OP that indicates that she is anything but faithful to her spouse. Nor has she told the OP that she's interested in him for anything but conversation.
Is it possible that she's a deceptive person? Absolutely.
But, based on what the OP has written here, I'd say this "potential relationship" is something he cooked up solely based on her staying in contact with him.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
My point was that she may have texted several people during her honeymoon. And her husband may not have asked or cared. Married people don't tell each other everything they do.
Nor do they need to. My real point was that she has NOT brought up anything to the OP that indicates that she is anything but faithful to her spouse. Nor has she told the OP that she's interested in him for anything but conversation.
Is it possible that she's a deceptive person? Absolutely.
But, based on what the OP has written here, I'd say this "potential relationship" is something he cooked up solely based on her staying in contact with him.
The bolded part in pink...
I saw this happen to my husband when the two of us were in a serious relationship. A female friend of his tried this. The problem was this... he was not interested in her that way, and continuously told her that he only saw her as a friend. But.. based on her actions, she wanted to much more than friends.
Just because she is staying in contact with him does not mean that there is any kind of relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
