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Many people seem to express more disappointment when someone they know breaks off a friendship than when that person gets divorced. That has always seemed backward to me. The friends did not stand up before a minister or justice of the peace and several guests to proclaim their legal commitment.
I find people are sometimes shocked to find out a friendship has broken up and sometimes more judgemental. When they hear a marriage has ended, they do not seem as surprised any longer as it happens often.
It is never easy to break off a friendship either, but these are seldom unconditional. I have had to do it once and described the experience on another thread. The couple in question were just getting less and less punctual (10 minutes late to start, then 30 minutes, then an hour plus...almost like they could not help it like you hear with the hoarders and often without notifying others including me). Then their attitudes got worse and demands increased unreasonably, too.
However, I never signed a contract or verbally agreed to a lifetime friendship with anyone in front of a minister and several other people.
Society these days seems to have sent this message in recent decades (end of friendship very wrong; end of marriage no big deal...try again). I have lived my entire teenage years and adult life in northern California (from age 12 to present). Maybe it is different in your particular region of the country?
Does this strike anyone else as kind of unusual thinking?
I have noticed a similar trend, people gasp when they hear a multi year relationship broke up without resulting in marriage, on the other hand when its a divorce, then o well, they shrug their shoulders and act like its a Common eventuality
These "American" questions drive me nuts lol. Like Pitt Chick said, how on earth is it determined that this is an "American" thing?
I have to agree with Hawaiian coconut also, I don't think it's unusual either. Spouses can come and go unfortunately for many reasons but a good loyal trustworthy friend is a gem you want to hang onto for life, and they aren't as common sometimes.
Life long friendships shouldn't end. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my 3 closest friends that I've known going on thirty years.
Sure, we have our own busy lives but it's always great catching up with them. We know everything about each other, all the crazy **** we've done that none of us would admit to our wives/gf's. It's nearly impossible to replace those people!
It's a completely different thing than a man/women relationship.
[quote=hawaiiancoconut;33258871]I don't find it unusual. A spouse can be replaced, but a good lifelong friend/s are hard to come by.[/QUOTE
I guess I believe the opposite. A friend can often just as easily be replaced. I could easily replace the two I spoke of with better people (they were not lifelong, but it had been about 18 years) and without all the legal/ceremonial "mumbo jumbo" with the somewhat less than sincere re-gathering of the familiy, friends, relatives to proclaim one's "lifetime" commitment to a 2nd, 3rd, or later person. Again, there are a lot of good divorced people out there. I am judging the comparison more so than the people themselves.
Life long friendships shouldn't end. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my 3 closest friends that I've known going on thirty years.
Sure, we have our own busy lives but it's always great catching up with them. We know everything about each other, all the crazy **** we've done that none of us would admit to our wives/gf's. It's nearly impossible to replace those people!
It's a completely different thing than a man/women relationship.
See, I'll never get why people are so judgemental toward friendships ending and so forgiving about marriages ending. The marriage relationship is the one where you promise (most of us to a minister) lifelong commitment in front of family, friends and relatives. The logic suggests marriages are more serious and easily so. We agree to disagree.
I can find a good person to be my friend and sometimes you reach a point where it is not working. Maybe you decide to just be acquaintances (say hello and talk when you run into each other by chance or invited to same BBQ, party, etc). Or you just move your separate ways altogether. I don't get to define friendship for you and you don't get to define it for me. The idea that it MUST be for a lifetime is archaic IMO. Some people end up being enemies because they were too stubborn to go their separate ways at an earlier point. I have some friends that I am confident are lifetime friends, but there is no absolute guarantee. I will never accept the idea that marriage vows are less binding than friendships established with no vows.
Thanks for sharing.
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