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You're right, but even the hottest can have a personality that makes her ugly over time, just as a guy can talk himself out of contention. I don't understand why some of them at least try women with the same fears as they have. They could work together and help each other overcome their social barriers. And who know, both could come out with new attitudes, and a fresh look that makes them look like a great looking couple, but that will never happen, if they never try. Attitude, new hair cut, fresher style, can do wonders for a person.
This is a very good suggestion, but they won't do that. They want the best of everything, while making no effort, and while whining non-stop.
...some people talk about lowering their standards and going for someone who is unattractive and getting to like them and love them over time but that doesn't work for everyone, trying to settle for somebody that you are not really attracted to just for the sake of being with someone isn't much fun. I would rather not be in that situation.
What you describe (some men would rather be alone than be with a woman that is below average looking) is an interesting subject, but most of the posters on this thread are on a completely different page. IMO this thread should be killed, and a new thread started discussing this subject.
Being alone and miserable is far more painful than any rejection.
Keyword is miserable. Being miserable is far more painful than actually going for what you want and ultimately failing. One reason is that a large part of that misery comes from regret. One type of pain that trumps certain rejection and failure is the pain of the idea that you could have had what you wanted, but you don't have it because you let it slip away from you without any effort.
Often times, people like that will try to discourage others from going for what they want and telling them to give it up and settle for what they themselves settled for. This is often done out of the guise of "caring" or "looking out for you". But in reality, they are just looking for validation, and the failure, or the giving up of someone who pursues what he is after is validation for people like that. A misery loves company kind of thing.
This is not to say that the OP's friends are like that. From the OP's description, they seem like a "live and let live" type of people. But I haven't met them.
However, if they are happy with their lives, then it is all good for them. (People who are happy with their lives don't tend to try to discourage others anyway.)
Keyword is miserable. Being miserable is far more painful than actually going for what you want and ultimately failing. One reason is that a large part of that misery comes from regret. One type of pain that trumps certain rejection and failure is the pain of the idea that you could have had what you wanted, but you don't have it because you let it slip away from you without any effort.
Often times, people like that will try to discourage others from going for what they want and telling them to give it up and settle for what they themselves settled for. This is often done out of the guise of "caring" or "looking out for you". But in reality, they are just looking for validation, and the failure, or the giving up of someone who pursues what he is after is validation for people like that. A misery loves company kind of thing.
This is not to say that the OP's friends are like that. From the OP's description, they seem like a "live and let live" type of people. But I haven't met them.
However, if they are happy with their lives, then it is all good for them. (People who are happy with their lives don't tend to try to discourage others anyway.)
As with everything else in life, everybody is unique. You have to know what your psyche can handle.
For me, unrequited love from friends has crushed me beyond anything else. It has literally taken me 2-3 years to get over some of those blows. So, I will make sure I don't let that happen again.
For me, a numbers game is the best way. However, calculated chances. I'm not just go up to 100 random hot women. That would pummel my ego.
It's easy to say, just go for whatever. Take chances. It's calculated chances IMO that work best.
Figure out what situations to avoid, what your best odds are, and approach accordingly.
Keyword is miserable. Being miserable is far more painful than actually going for what you want and ultimately failing. One reason is that a large part of that misery comes from regret. One type of pain that trumps certain rejection and failure is the pain of the idea that you could have had what you wanted, but you don't have it because you let it slip away from you without any effort.
Often times, people like that will try to discourage others from going for what they want and telling them to give it up and settle for what they themselves settled for. This is often done out of the guise of "caring" or "looking out for you". But in reality, they are just looking for validation, and the failure, or the giving up of someone who pursues what he is after is validation for people like that. A misery loves company kind of thing.
This is not to say that the OP's friends are like that. From the OP's description, they seem like a "live and let live" type of people. But I haven't met them.
However, if they are happy with their lives, then it is all good for them. (People who are happy with their lives don't tend to try to discourage others anyway.)
As with everything else in life, everybody is unique. You have to know what your psyche can handle.
For me, unrequited love from friends has crushed me beyond anything else. It has literally taken me 2-3 years to get over some of those blows. So, I will make sure I don't let that happen again.
For me, a numbers game is the best way. However, calculated chances. I'm not just go up to 100 random hot women. That would pummel my ego.
It's easy to say, just go for whatever. Take chances. It's calculated chances IMO that work best.
Figure out what situations to avoid, what your best odds are, and approach accordingly.
I can relate...
I wholeheartedly understand and agree with what you said. Everyone is unique and each person has his or her own set of what he or she can take.
It all goes back to being miserable. Not only should you go for what makes you happy, but also don't let anyone talk you or coerce you into something that will make you miserable.
Umm. Most guys feel they will get rejected because they actually get rejected.
If you don't believe me, I invite you to come to a bar with me tonight and I'll try and make some conversation and rustle up some phone numbers. I can tell you exactly how it will go because I have literally done it hundreds of times.
If bars don't work for you, why do you keep trying in bars?
According to the OP, these guys haven't been rejected. They've never tried, so no rejections. They have an expectation that women will come to them, and since that hasn't happened, they interpret that as rejection, and have convinced themselves they're not attractive.
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