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Well, she sounds like she thrives on drama and you sound like you don't like it - so take that for what it's worth. As for how much fighting is normal in a healthy relationship - that totally depends on each individual couple. Some people aren't fighters and some people need it. The important thing to ask yourself is - are you happy?
Okay thanks but before, you people told me that I was in the wrong and she was in the right, and that I should make up, when it came to the situation with my friend. Now you are all telling me there is probably no hope, and I should leave her, after two years of more good than bad, when there is no issue that is?
Nothing that you've described would be ok with me. Getting mad at you for using a towel? That's ridiculous. No nice, normal person would do that. Then screaming at the hotel staff? Not a very kind-hearted person. She insulted you for your previous choice in women, she makes snippy comments about something you are saving up your money for.
These are all things that exemplify disrespectful and controlling behavior. I know that you have just gotten used to her acting like that; it has become "normal" in your relationship with her. I certainly wouldn't put up with it.
I understand where you're coming from, with the question about how much fighting is normal. I was married almost 25 years, and we argued all the time, some serious topics but also lots of stupid things. I just kept thinking that that's what couples do, but I always hated it. We finally got divorced. I've been with my new husband 6 years, and we have never once argued, never once spoken harshly to each other. We so totally love and respect each other, that there has never been a need to get rude or angry about anything. We just discuss whatever is on our minds, and we both love to make the other person happy. Basically my first marriage was a competition; my current one is a cooperation.
Fighting is different from conflict. Sometimes conflict has to happen in order for issues to be resolved. Occasionally things may get heated and people may lose tempers. That's a lot different than yelling at the hotel staff, or yelling at you because an ex is related to a rapist that you didn't know about.
She sounds immature and like she has issues. Unless you want to deal with this drama forever; either let her know that she needs to chill or bail out of the relationship. Things don't sound good the way they are going right now.
I checked out that other thread of yours about the friend, and after reading this thread, I think it's time to leave, and here's why. First off, your incident with your good friend. She felt very uncomfortable about what your friend did, to the point that she basically gave you an ultimatum. The ultimatum is bad, since nothing happened, and the fact that you actually told her about it. She really didn't seem to take that into consideration. Now if you didn't tell her, and she found out then maybe she would be justified. After all the tension that brought, she now says she is going to visit and stay with two ex b/f's? It's not that cheating is the issue, imo the lack of consideration is what would bother me. You basically stopped seeing two different female friends, because of what they did to you. You didn't encourage it, and you stopped it before anything further happened. Yet she thinks it's cool to put herself in a position, for multiple days and evenings, where her ex's could do the very same to you. I would hope a considerate person would be aware of this, and avoid the situation....I'm probably right in thinking that you never spent the night at your friend's place....if she did cheat, I can hear the argument already. "I did it because you don't care, just like you didn't care about the wet towels."
She is your first real relationship, one of many, so go find yourself someone who is more considerate. Two years is plenty of time to be sure if someone has potential, or who is a waste of time. Sounds like you guys have a lot of arguments. Typically that's from a lack of communication. You are young, go find someone new. She doesn't sound like she is even worth working on, let her F up someone else's life. Move on and learn from it. No need to emasculate yourself by being a doormat, or whipping post.
Okay thanks but before, you people told me that I was in the wrong and she was in the right, and that I should make up, when it came to the situation with my friend. Now you are all telling me there is probably no hope, and I should leave her, after two years of more good than bad, when there is no issue that is?
You answered your own question right there so there is no need to move further into this thread or any others you may post.
You have already decided you are not going to break up with her and above you stated there is no issue however, if there was not an issue you would not be posting and asking for advice now would you?
Many have posted on this thread and your other thread with good advice based on what you have written.
The choice is now yours to continue to do as you are told by this girlfriend who is going to go spend numerous days and nights away from home alone with ex boyfriends and ex sex friends.
She is also going to continue to scream at you and hotel employees because you used 1 towel out of the 2 that were available and you also got that towel "too wet" (seriously? how does one get a towel too wet after a shower)?
She is also going to choose all of your friends, spend any money she has access to and play nice for a long enough period of time for you to marry her then she will be worse than she is now.
So good luck with it all and remember both of these threads when you start a new one fussing about how big of a mistake you made staying with this girl and marrying her because now you are miserable, sexless, you fight all the time, you get screamed out about towels being wet that you haven't even used and you are broke because she spends all the money.
Okay thanks but before, you people told me that I was in the wrong and she was in the right, and that I should make up, when it came to the situation with my friend. Now you are all telling me there is probably no hope, and I should leave her, after two years of more good than bad, when there is no issue that is?
The best piece of advice that I can give you is to stop asking for advice on your relationship from strangers and figure out how you feel and what you want for yourself. Deal with your relationship between the two of you. We are never going to have the full story and you shouldn't break up or stay with someone based on what strangers on the internet tell you to do after reading a few paragraphs that you wrote which paint your girlfriend in a horrible light.
First of thanks for the insight, and replying with honest opinions. A few months ago, me and my long term girlfriend had a problem which I posted about before, here:
I took people's advice and stopped seeing my friend and ended the problem. Things started to get better after and I was glad I did it. I was confused as to how to handle it, and just needed a push I guess.
However, since then my girlfriend has been fighting me on a lot of issues, just little things that perhaps shouldn't be made a big deal out of. Like for example, we went on vacation and got a hotel. I had a shower and used a towel, and then she did. Later she wanted another one but she was super mad that the hotel did not have any more towels for her, and said I shouldn't have gotten the last towel so wet, and should have pat dried. I thought it was okay for me to use one of the two towels since she used one, but she was furious at me for half the day about it.
She also wanted me to call to the hotel and complain but I didn't think it was a big enough deal to, nor would complaining solve the problem. I asked for another towel though, and they said they were out temporarily, but will have some ready in two hours. I said okay, thanks, and hung up. She got mad, called them back and screamed at them about it literally. She then gets mad and she keeps telling me that I don't defend her enough. Not just in this situation but in general. Maybe I don't, but I didn't think it was called for in most situations she brings up, including this hotel one. But most of the examples she brings up, I guess I feel she has been overreacting.
Another time she fought me was when she found out that a woman I slept with a year before I met her, is related to the guy who raped her friend. The woman lied about being married, if she was married, I have no idea, and that her husband has a cousin who raped my girlfriend's friend. I had no idea, and there was no way I could have known that, but she was mad at me and didn't want to talk me for a couple of days. She got so sick from me doing that, that she couldn't keep her food down. She says she knows that I couldn't have known that, but if I had better taste in women, I wouldn't have went for a woman like that in the first place.
Well these are just two examples, of what she fights me on and sometimes I think she overreacts. I could list more if that would help, but she fights me about one to two times a week it seems. She says it's normal for couples to fight and I just should just let it go, when the fight is over, cause that's what she does. I guess it's more of a big deal for me, than her but she says it shouldn't be, especially since women tend to take fighting more seriously than men.
After our last fight, I told her I am not ready to marry her right now, since we talked about it. I told her that I love her very much, but that until the fighting tones down, that I cannot do it.
She was heartbroken but she realized that it was a problem for me and hasn't fought me as much since but still a couple times since. This was about three weeks ago, I told her that.
But we have been having a great time and really made up, and the last three weeks together have been great, and gave me new hope.
However, she said she needs a vacation, but I do not have money to go on another one. Well I do technically, but I am saving up for more important things in the future. She says that some of the stuff I save up for is not worth it though.
She kept asking me if it was okay if she goes to another city for vacation, which is six hours away, and asked if it was okay if she stayed with her ex. I met her ex and he's a really nice guy, and they have been friends for about eight years since, and talk a lot. So after we talked a lot and I trust her, I told her to go. However, now she is going from that city, to another city and is staying with another ex, she is friends with. I haven't met him. Well he's not an ex, they just hooked up a long time ago, and have been friends since.
We talked about her going to two cities briefly, but I do not remember agreeing to both. But it could be that I forgot or something. Work has been crazy lately, and we had this conversation after sex, which really isn't the best time to make decisions probably, and we talked about it maybe a month ago.
I want the old her back before I had this situation come up with a friend in the last thread I made about my relationship. That's where things got worse after, with the her arguing with me more often. Do think that her fighting me once to twice a weak, and that her going on vacation and staying with exes, cause I won't spend the money and go with her, is appropriate, even if I may have agreed but do not really remember?
Dude... You're girlfriend may be cray. I think that if you marry her you're fixin' to have yourself a miserable ol' life. Also, there is no rule anywhere that states you should kowtow to an irrationally angry woman.
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