What have you seriously messed up in a prior relationship that you will never, EVER mess up again? (dating, boyfriends)
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Sex too early. In the past I sometimes slept with men too early and often sex was all the wanted. My last few boyfriends were fine with waiting and my boyfriend wants to wait until marriage though I would consider possibly when we officially become engaged.
- When I was very young, I used to be annoying until a guy would dump me, because I wanted a guy who would not dump me. Yeah, that was dumb.
- Assumed that things he did in the initial puppy-love stage of the relationship were things he wanted to return to, like I did. E.g frequent sex, emotional closeness, etc. Now I know to ask, not assume, and that many people only want those things at the beginning.
- Assumed that when a person has a big breakthrough they are all excited about, identifying some dysfunctional pattern in their life, that their next step will be to start work on changing the pattern. It was a complete shock to me to realise that many people do not do that. They have then insight, and that is the end. They go back to before.
But, 1 thing I did learn for 1st hand experience. Don't play hard to get.
There was this one guy I liked. Now, I think he liked me too. He seemed to tease me alot-but not in a mean way. I thought he was cute. But I acted like I didn't like him, and tried the play hard to get, and I think it killed it all. After a bit, he lost interest, and later on, ended up with a girlfriend, who was not me.
So, I know now, not to do that. My mother told me, I should play hard to get. But that doesn't work. It just chases people off, and if you're super hot with people lining up to have you, that's fine. You can afford to scare some off. I am not one of the super hot vixens. So, that will not work for me. So, if a guy shows interest, and I am attracted to him, we're on.
Otherwise, I don't have any serious mes-ups relationship wise. But I do think my lack of dating helps me a bit. Because since I am not doing 1st hand, it gives me a chance to observe more, and be more aware-what I want, red flags to spot. Learning about my own self.
When I finally do meet a guy who likes me and we start dating, I will make mistakes. I am not a relationship wizard. But, I do think hearing other people's experiences, and seeing things for others helped me a good bit, so I can be more informed than the teens who start relationships not knowing anything, then it's played by ear with every mistake under the sun made. lol
I dated a lady who had two teen age daughters. I found I just couldn't handle her attitude toward her two kids, her method of discipline really sucked, but I kept my mouth shut just to see what would happen. The next woman I dated had a similar attitude with a son that was given anything he asked for. The third woman I dated also had two kids, but I didn't get real serious until they graduated from high school and were gone. I found after they were out of the house she was a different person and I couldn't find any real deal killing faults, and there was nothing I wanted to change in her. I learned from the early experiences that people don't change, even when they want to. I also found out many times the people you might be dating are a lot like their parents and have similar thoughts and ideas of relationships.
Went into my LDR with pre-conceived notions as to how I thought it would be. Not doing THAT again.
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