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But I have to call foul on the idea that all young women are doing all older guys a favor by dating them or entertaining them. It's easy to assume that EVERY young girl is cute, sexy, hot, and in high demand; but that is far from reality. I say this not to bash women and elevate men -- but to draw reality to the fact that not all older guys think younger women are going to be some great catch simply because they are young.
Here is how things work in real life:
When a woman is in her 20s, she's going to be getting the most attention she will in her life and she's pretty much in control. As long as she's realistic, she can probably choose between at least a few guys who are decent. In general, guys are not this fortunate. The average guy is not beating women away from him with a stick or complaining to his friends how women keep hitting on him relentlessly and won't go away. It is at this time that women yell about older guys hitting on them. They generally go out with guys who are within four years of their age.
Then, when women hit their 30s and are still single, they all of a sudden stop minding when guys who are seven or eight years older than them are interested. That's because all the guys their age are taken and they realized they partied too long and are stuck without a chair, so to speak. When a woman gets to her mid-30s, it's basically anything goes. A guy could be like 50 and ask out a 37 year old woman and she wouldn't be angry.
The (unscientific) proof? Go to any online dating site. Look at the profiles of 20-something women and if they're 23, they want 22-26 year old men. A lot even explicitly say "if you're older than that, please don't message me." When they get to 29-31, the age range really relaxes and when they're older, it REALLY gets wide open. I routinely see women who are 34-36 who have 32-50 as their acceptable preference. Similarly, a divorced woman or a woman with children usually has much wider age acceptances, since most of them know that they're not "the catch" that they were beforehand.
A lot of women get upset when men say this and retaliate by saying "yeah? Well, you're old and fat and bald!!" OK, sure, older men are older and fatter and balder. But women are less concerned with that and more concerned with their job. And don't act otherwise. When a woman is young, she'll date some douche with tattoos who is unemployed and is a stoner. Then she decides she wants to settle down and she'll try to find some guy who studied hard and has a good job. What happened to the guy with the tats? "Oh, I just got mature, tee hee hee." No, you wanted your fun time AND your security both, just be honest.
I get hit on by older men a lot, and I've found them to be much more respectful than younger men most of the time. I can see why many younger women like older men. Sometimes it may really just be a maturity thing.
That makes it sound as if you think the world revolves around 20 year old women, as if being 20 is the apex of life and all 20 year olds hold the keys to love, happiness, success, and nirvana! LOL
20 something's do hold some power with their youthfulness. They're also naive, quite easy to control, and manipulate.
When a woman is in her 20s, she's going to be getting the most attention she will in her life and she's pretty much in control. As long as she's realistic, she can probably choose between at least a few guys who are decent. In general, guys are not this fortunate. The average guy is not beating women away from him with a stick or complaining to his friends how women keep hitting on him relentlessly and won't go away. It is at this time that women yell about older guys hitting on them. They generally go out with guys who are within four years of their age.
Then, when women hit their 30s and are still single, they all of a sudden stop minding when guys who are seven or eight years older than them are interested. That's because all the guys their age are taken and they realized they partied too long and are stuck without a chair, so to speak. When a woman gets to her mid-30s, it's basically anything goes. A guy could be like 50 and ask out a 37 year old woman and she wouldn't be angry.
The (unscientific) proof? Go to any online dating site. Look at the profiles of 20-something women and if they're 23, they want 22-26 year old men. A lot even explicitly say "if you're older than that, please don't message me." When they get to 29-31, the age range really relaxes and when they're older, it REALLY gets wide open. I routinely see women who are 34-36 who have 32-50 as their acceptable preference. Similarly, a divorced woman or a woman with children usually has much wider age acceptances, since most of them know that they're not "the catch" that they were beforehand.
A lot of women get upset when men say this and retaliate by saying "yeah? Well, you're old and fat and bald!!" OK, sure, older men are older and fatter and balder. But women are less concerned with that and more concerned with their job. And don't act otherwise. When a woman is young, she'll date some douche with tattoos who is unemployed and is a stoner. Then she decides she wants to settle down and she'll try to find some guy who studied hard and has a good job. What happened to the guy with the tats? "Oh, I just got mature, tee hee hee." No, you wanted your fun time AND your security both, just be honest.
See, both genders do it.
I respectfully disagree with this.
I'm 40 and really don't look a whole lot different than I did in my 20s. Yes, my face may have aged a little; but I haven't changed all that much. I got a lot of attention in my 20s, but I actually get more attention now than I did then. The only difference is the attention I get is more positive and respectful. Unless we're talking about looks alone, personality and life experience, in my opinion, negate the idea of women getting more attention in their 20s than 40s. They just get a different (better in my opinion) kind of attention by different types of people.
As far as older men pursuing younger women, that's still the same. I just seem to attract men in their 50s and 60s now whereas in my 20s they were in their 30s and 40s.
I've heard a woman's greatest fear is becoming invisible, and I can understand that.
A while back, I saw one of those articles where they interviewed 10 or 15 women about this and they said that around the age of 40 they all became invisible. Men basically just totally ignored them. Which sounds really obnoxious, right? But that's no different from women. I mean, how many women "pay attention" to men on the street who are 50? None of them. The difference is that men paid an inordinate amount of attention to them and now are paying them none. In contrast, women ALWAYS paid the men little to no attention, so nothing changed. So men are used to that.
I'm 40 and really don't look a whole lot different than I did in my 20s. Yes, my face may have aged a little; but I haven't changed all that much. I got a lot of attention in my 20s, but I actually get more attention now than I did then. The only difference is the attention I get is more positive and respectful. Unless we're talking about looks alone, personality and life experience, in my opinion, negate the idea of women getting more attention in their 20s than 40s. They just get a different (better in my opinion) kind of attention by different types of people.
As far as older men pursuing younger women, that's still the same. I just seem to attract men in their 50s and 60s now whereas in my 20s they were in their 30s and 40s.
OK, but you realize that if that's true, then you're an exception and not the rule. Also, a lot of women say they look like they're 20 years younger than they are, but they often aren't. Like, I hear women say "people mistake me for my daughter!!" Usually, that's not true. I mean, they may look great for their age, but they don't look like teenagers. It's basically self-flattery. I don't mean that you're doing that, since I don't know how you look, but that would be rare.
First off, it's not shallow. By working hard to stay younger on the outside, you are also doing things that will help you stay younger on the inside as well. It's called taking good care of yourself. The one much older man I dated took care of himself like you and it made him more appealing. And like you, while he liked the idea of a younger woman like me, he was also attracted to women his own age too. So he wasn't some kind of guy with a youth fetish.
As for the young woman, I would say go for it. Don't let your age stop you. Like I said, it's not creepy that older men hit on women they like who just happen to be younger, it's the guys that target only younger women. It's like they see younger women as an object and not a person. In your case, you clearly see her as a person. You know about the woman, you know she's nice, cute, interested in you... totally different ball of wax than a 50 year-old man hitting on a teenager he doesn't even know.
Good luck! (And happy birthday soon).
Jillabean:
Thank you for the nice response. I really appreciate your input! That was great!
Yeah, I think I will take your advice and simply ask this girl if she would like to go out sometime. I don't think of myself as some creepy older guy; I don't specifically go out and seek young women just because they are young. And I readily admit that I find women my age and often times much older to be sexually attractive as well.
And besides the vanity accept, I lead a healthy lifestyle and take good care of myself simply because I feel better doing so. If I have to grow old, I want to grow old as gracefully as possible; I refuse to simply let myself go and slide headfirst into old age; I want to put the brakes on and slow that slide as long as possible.
And truth be told, I am not some ravenous, caveman-like guy out trying to score women and see how many female notches I can add to my bedpost; I have never been that way, not when I was 20, and not now. I have always been a one-woman kind of a guy who disdains that whole 'meat market' mentality that seems to permeate a large portion of the dating/courtship arena.
I'm exactly the same way. I do stress because I know I'm not going to get any better looking with age, so I just do everything I can to maintain and look as nice as I can as I grow older. I've heard a woman's greatest fear is becoming invisible, and I can understand that. I am very fortunate that people love my personality, so I do have that going for me and in the end that really is more important.
I'm also studying to be a nurse. It's funny how many people find you more attractive when you tell them that, but I've found that to be true, lol.
That's a great career -- if you have the stomach for it. Not that it matters, just curious -- are you Filipina? Almost every nurse (or nurse in training) that I know of personally has been Filipina/Filipino. And the girl that I mentioned who is studying to be a nurse is, you guessed it, Filipina.
And yes, personality is mandatory. Looks without personality or substance are pretty useless.
Well, you do realize that the reason that older guys were married to younger women was because many times the women had no say in who they married - right? And older men were more established. It's not like these teens/early 20 women were always attracted to or in love with guys 30 years older than they were. I'm not saying that those kinds of relationships are bad or anything - I'm just saying that you can't really equate what the age differences used to be a hundred years ago to what it they are like today.
But how do you know the main reason(s) for younger women marrying much older men way back in time? Unless you or I can hop in a time machine and travel back in time and then personally interview every young woman married to an older man and ask them their motivations for marrying older -- we simply can't say for sure. I'm sure a lot of younger women married for convenience or security -- or in some cases were set-up in arranged marriages - but you can't accurately say that those were the main or only reasons for younger women marrying older men.
But how do you know the main reason(s) for younger women marrying much older men way back in time? Unless you or I can hop in a time machine and travel back in time and then personally interview every young woman married to an older man and ask them their motivations for marrying older -- we simply can't say for sure. I'm sure a lot of younger women married for convenience or security -- or in some cases were set-up in arranged marriages - but you can't accurately say that those were the main or only reasons for younger women marrying older men.
I'm saying that the times were different and women didn't always have a say in who they married - so you can't compare who women chose back then with who women choose now - because many times women didn't have a choice. That's all.
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