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If a girl only chooses me based on whether I am willing to pay for a first date, do you really think that I'm missing out on something? The princesses can get lost for all I care. I want someone with substance, morality, and ethics. If I wanted to run a charity, I'll open up a soup kitchen for homeless veterans.
She didn't say that that would be the ONLY reason she was interested in someone.
I know that people don't always believe this - but people can tell when you have a chip on your shoulder about something. If you have a chip on your shoulder when the bill comes - it's going to be apparent. If it is that important to you to not pay for dates - then only ask women out for walks in the park or other things that don't cost any money.
See - it's like I said - you could have titled this thread, "I'm tired of paying for dates and I feel that any woman that doesn't pay her share is a gold digger/princess." You may not have realized that from the beginning - but that's pretty much why people start these threads if they are men. If they are women - they usually start these threads because they are entitled princesses and dated someone who asked them to pay. People who don't have an issue with this don't start threads about it, for the most part.
If a girl only chooses me based on whether I am willing to pay for a first date, do you really think that I'm missing out on something? The princesses can get lost for all I care. I want someone with substance, morality, and ethics. If I wanted to run a charity, I'll open up a soup kitchen for homeless veterans.
If you don't think you'd be missing out on anything and you're happy with your dating life, keep doing what you're doing.
Yep, I follow what you're saying and it makes sense. I'd be more inclined to take up someone's offer if they were going to pay in full. Who doesn't enjoy free? On a first date, I don't think you should take it too personally if he takes you up on your offer to go "Dutch" (because of what I explained; look at what he's up against). I think what would matter most is if he asked you on a 2nd date. Then I think whoever does the asking should pay in full. It's the first date that is really in question here.
I will be sticking to the cheaper dates from now on though. At least then I'll know that any girl who pursues me after that is after my personality, and not my wallet.
Unless you have serious money, it's unlikely that most women you date are after your wallet.
I know that people don't always believe this - but people can tell when you have a chip on your shoulder about something. If you have a chip on your shoulder when the bill comes - it's going to be apparent. If it is that important to you to not pay for dates - then only ask women out for walks in the park or other things that don't cost any money.
I always pay (unless it's going terribly) and I never show an ounce of disdain. I can still critique what I consider a flawed social norm though, can I not? Imagine if nobody spoke out against things like slavery or women's rights (and no, I'm not comparing that to this). Just making a point. Sometimes society has flawed ways of doing things. This is a fact throughout history. That's why I'm not sure why it comes as a shocker anymore when someone critiques something. Criticism results in progress, folks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
See - it's like I said - you could have titled this thread, "I'm tired of paying for dates and I feel that any woman that doesn't pay her share is a gold digger/princess." You may not have realized that from the beginning - but that's pretty much why people start these threads if they are men. If they are women - they usually start these threads because they are entitled princesses and dated someone who asked them to pay. People who don't have an issue with this don't start threads about it, for the most part.
Again, I don't understand what the issue is if someone critiques a social norm. Don't many of you folks consider yourselves progressives anyway? The ironic thing is that I've seen a few comments on this sub pronouncing 'conservatism' as an unattractive quality in a mate and yet, some seem to have a death hold on this predated dating concept.
Seriously? He said the first 5 dates have to be less than $10 or dutch. I understand that he's not interested in marriage or traditional dating by his own admission, so he's allowed to do whatever he sees fit, but no way is that a good plan if the women he dates are used to doing things differently.
It sounds like he has worked out well what he expects to spend and do (and isn't complaining about having to pay all the time). Now I'd probably be ready for a dinner date at some point early on, as I that is what I like to do for fun. But isn't Dissenter in his early 20s? That feels par for the course for that age.
It sounds like he has worked out well what he expects to spend and do (and isn't complaining about having to pay all the time). Now I'd probably be ready for a dinner date at some point early on, as I that is what I like to do for fun. But isn't Dissenter in his early 20s? That feels par for the course for that age.
I think the 2nd date is the date that whoever does the asking pays for in full. Up until then, the dates should be pretty low key/low cost/mutually split. That way both parties have a vested interest.
Now, if you already know the person fairly well (you've met a few times), THEN AND ONLY THEN do I think it's appropriate for the "asker" to pay for the first date.
That's just it. Maybe it's an online dating thing. If I had met these people before asking them on a date, I'd feel much more confident with the quality of person I'm asking out and whether I'd want to pay for that person's anything.
Then why don't you meet people for real instead of online dating. Or meet up for a casual coffee or free event and get to know them a little before you actually have a "date".
I always pay (unless it's going terribly) and I never show an ounce of disdain. I can still critique what I consider a flawed social norm though, can I not? Imagine if nobody spoke out against things like slavery or women's rights (and no, I'm not comparing that to this). Just making a point. Sometimes society has flawed ways of doing things. This is a fact throughout history. That's why I'm not sure why it comes as a shocker anymore when someone critiques something. Criticism results in progress, folks.
Again, I don't understand what the issue is if someone critiques a social norm. Don't many of you folks consider yourselves progressives anyway? The ironic thing is that I've seen a few comments on this sub pronouncing 'conservatism' as an unattractive quality in a mate and yet, some seem to have a death hold on this predated dating concept.
But you have control over this. You are not being ordered under the law to pay for dates.
Then why don't you meet people for real instead of online dating. Or meet up for a casual coffee or free event and get to know them a little before you actually have a "date".
Yeah, that's the plan going forward. I'm not really asking for personal advice, per se. I was just trying to start up a general discussion on the topic.
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