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Even if it's a dinner date, the woman should be prepared to pay. That's just my opinion.
Also, you should know that when you are with friends, you are almost always paying for yourself unless it was talked about earlier. If you are speaking with a person that you're interested in, if you invited that person out, the asker should pay for the askee. I've followed that particular guideline throughout life.
As an example: A few years ago a friend and I were going out of town to one of his college friend's house for New Years Eve, and we wanted another friend to go with us because he knew these guys and wanted to see them again. Unfortunately he had no job at the time and had no money to spend, so I paid for every expense he made that weekend. Whether that was food, drinks, and anything else that he may have needed, and I told him that I would do it upfront. I didn't do it because i could say he owed me later, and I never told him to pay me back. I did it because I wanted him to come along with us and have a good time.
Now, if I was taking a woman that I was seeing out of town for a few days, and I had made plans for it on my own and telling her where we were going, it would all be on my dime, because I'm the one that wanted to do this. If she had planned something, I would expect her to do the majority of the paying also. I'm sure she would pay for some things on my get away, just as I'm sure I'd pay for some things on her get away.
I always paid for the dates I went on, never expecting the woman I dated to pay, unless she called me up and asked me out, only then would I consider her paying. I think a couple is headed for trouble if the difference in incomes becomes a big thing. My wife and I have always kept our finances separate, but we agreed on this before we ever got married. She is very fashion conscious and what some would call a 'clothes freak', but I don't care what she buys or how much she pays for something, it's her money, not mine. When I buy something that I want, but don't need, she never says a word. I have always felt if one partner in a marriage make a lot more money than the other, that is no reason for the person with the higher income to pay more of the expenses, but many people look at that differently than how I do. My advice to anyone with the OP's dilemma is to not make a big deal of it, otherwise, find someone who makes the same money you do.
Meh, I buy and it's never been a problem. Either now or back in the day. Seems to me like some of you folks like to make something out of nothing. If you dig each other it doesn't matter and if you don't you need to worry about who you're dating, not who is paying.
Everything was always better back in the day. Except that it wasn't. Don't fear progress.
I don't call being a penny-pinching scroogiepants progress.
My whole life, I have always volunteered/insisted on paying, and I don't spend time or give my heart to anyone (friends, family, dates) who doesn't have the same philosophy.
This fixation on keeping your cash and keeping score and "fairness" goes well beyond the gender differences. It is about being a miserly sore loser.
How much do you make and what is the differential?
I know couples with a differential of about $300,000. As in, one party makes $300,000 and the other party makes nothing. And MANY more with a differential over 100K.
And when I say couples, they are married and their finances are all combined and it's serious business.
So, if you're talking about a difference of about 50K in the dating stage, that's not really significant in the big picture.
I don't call being a penny-pinching scroogiepants progress.
If money isn't an object to you, fly me out and take me out for some drinks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
My whole life, I have always volunteered/insisted on paying, and I don't spend time or give my heart to anyone (friends, family, dates) who doesn't have the same philosophy.
Well, then according to this statement, you certainly wouldn't date some of the women on here who do not insist on paying for a date (particularly the first). So as far as I can tell, you and I aren't that much different from one another on this issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
This fixation on keeping your cash and keeping score and "fairness" goes well beyond the gender differences. It is about being a miserly sore loser.
It's not about me keeping my cash and keeping score. I'm not stingy towards those whom I care about. If you had paid any attention whatsoever, you'd realize that my whole shtick has to do with first dates with people whom you do not really know. Go on several of those, pay for them, and let me know how you feel when several of the folks disappear or flake out on you.
Again, if money is no object to you, then fly me out for some drinks. I'm sorry to say this, because it will come across as harsh to those of you who are sensitive about labels, but those of you advocating this are mostly hypocrites. Why? Because none of you are happy about throwing money away on investments that have no ROI. Dating IS an investment in building a relationship. When the other party completely disappears or flakes out on you after one date, that becomes a bad investment. That's why I insist on the idea that first dates should be split. If you guys really do recklessly spend your money as you allude to, I'd hate to see what your balance sheets look like.
For all of those implying how charitable you are towards your fellow human being, I'd be happy to set up a Pay Pal arrangement where you can send me some "charitable contributions". I could definitely use them. You just let me know when I should expect those EFTs.
Last edited by 4DM1N; 08-02-2014 at 09:08 AM..
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