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I don't have to be around others ALL the time. I really like to go out 1-2x/week. Most would probably consider me a heavy drinker. Most of the bars I go to are probably introvert friendly as they aren't jam packed or excessively noisy. I only go to noisy places if I'm interested in seeing some live music, and I am a big live music fan.
my wife is threatening to make me go to the counting crows with toad the wet sprocket, show.
I don't have to be around others ALL the time. I really like to go out 1-2x/week. Most would probably consider me a heavy drinker. Most of the bars I go to are probably introvert friendly as they aren't jam packed or excessively noisy. I only go to noisy places if I'm interested in seeing some live music, and I am a big live music fan.
I'm trying to understand your thinking. I'm what I would call an extrovert, I strike up conversations with people all the time that I don't know. Over the years my wife and I have developed good friendships with people we met this way. She is more of an introvert and can't approach people because she never has anything to talk about, while I always have something to talk about. Your relationship is new, so neither of you know each other very well, and neither of you know what to expect from the other. If you can make it past the three month mark, you will both know a great deal more and have a better idea if you want to continue in a relationship. The one thing I see that you must understand is don't push her to do the things she doesn't want or isn't comfortable doing. Find a common ground that you both can put up with. It will take a lot of understanding by both of you, but it can work if you allow it to.
I agree with you! When you have to go out to a bar to have fun and enjoy your date, something is wrong with your thinking process. Why isn't it just as much fun to go out to dinner and go home and enjoy watching a movie with your woman? Why do other people have to be involved for you to have a good time? If that is the case, leave her home and go out and party with your friends by yourself, but if your girlfriend ends the relationship, don't be surprised. Some people just don't like noisy bars, clubs, etc.
That's a good night, lol.......way better than a crowded, loud bar
At the risk of turning this into an extrovert-bashing thread, I sometimes feel like extroverts are insecure. Not all of them, but a good number. The reason I say this is because many go out of their way to be friends with everyone. It's almost as if they need to be liked by everyone. I'm very selective about who I choose to be friends with. I would rather have a few close friends than a huge group of friends I barely know. But it seems like a lot of extroverts I know collect friends. These are usually the people who have 500+ friends on Facebook. They also tend to get depressed if they're home alone or not in a relationship with someone. IMO, the introvert is more often the person who has a healthy sense of self. They enjoy their own company and don't need others to be entertained or to feel complete.
I'm actually an extrovert, but also a homebody. I love socializing, just not in a nightlife environment. I get my socializing in at work, through outings, hobbies, lunches/dinner dates with friends etc. I'm always out doing something or with somebody. Then my evenings are reserved for relaxing at home with my cat. I don't think it's fair to assume someone is introverted/extroverted based on not going out in the evenings or wanting to be in a drinking environment. That doesn't mean someone doesn't like socializing or being around people, it just means some people draw a line. How old are you both? I think it's kind of an age thing too. Those younger might think it's normal and be fine with it, but if she's a little older (or just more mature in her mindset) she might not see the need. I have this problem with guys who are still in the going out/party stage and aren't ready to settle down. It doesn't mean they're more extroverted... heck, I'm more extroverted than some of them.. it just means they like being part of an environment I don't appreciate that much. I would count on her not changing, and that's okay. But will you? I mean a few years from now, realistically, are you still going to be going out drinking heavily and whatnot? Will you even want to? There's more factors to compatibility and having a shot at a future together. I guess it's good that you're evaluating these things now.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
At the risk of turning this into an extrovert-bashing thread, I sometimes feel like extroverts are insecure. Not all of them, but a good number. The reason I say this is because many go out of their way to be friends with everyone. It's almost as if they need to be liked by everyone. I'm very selective about who I choose to be friends with. I would rather have a few close friends than a huge group of friends I barely know. But it seems like a lot of extroverts I know collect friends. These are usually the people who have 500+ friends on Facebook. They also tend to get depressed if they're home alone or not in a relationship with someone. IMO, the introvert is more often the person who has a healthy sense of self. They enjoy their own company and don't need others to be entertained or to feel complete.
Haven't thought about this, but interesting/good points.
At the risk of turning this into an extrovert-bashing thread, I sometimes feel like extroverts are insecure. Not all of them, but a good number. The reason I say this is because many go out of their way to be friends with everyone. It's almost as if they need to be liked by everyone. I'm very selective about who I choose to be friends with. I would rather have a few close friends than a huge group of friends I barely know. But it seems like a lot of extroverts I know collect friends. These are usually the people who have 500+ friends on Facebook. They also tend to get depressed if they're home alone or not in a relationship with someone. IMO, the introvert is more often the person who has a healthy sense of self. They enjoy their own company and don't need others to be entertained or to feel complete.
I get what you're saying. I don't dislike extroverts at all. What I dislike about them is some of them don't respect your privacy, get up in your face, and get mad when you don't want to talk to them. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not trying to be friendly with everyone I see in public. I don't start conversations with strangers.
Remember, folks... introvert, shy, anxious, homebody. These words are NOT interchangeable. Introversion and shyness are NOT the same thing. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. Introversion/Extroversion just means whether you get energized and recharge your batteries by being in a social situation or by being alone with quiet time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I know this is your ex, but in this case did you tell her beforehand that you were itching to go out, or did you just spring it on her at home and expect her to hop to? As an introvert myself, I know that I don't like to be put on the spot. If I know Friday morning (or earlier) that I'm going out Friday night, it would go over a lot better than if I'd already come home, changed clothes, and cracked open a bottle of wine and then get the invitation/demand. It's not just about her doing what you want when you want it. You have to compromise, too.
Exactly. My BF has learned that I'm more likely to join him out at a party or something on Friday night if I had a bit of advance notice rather than suggesting it at 6 or 7 pm Friday night. If I know Thurs night or Friday morning that we're going out to do something very social, I can kind of pace myself in terms of energy so I'm not drained and over-socialized. (silly example, but in this circumstance, I might decide to have lunch alone and read a book on Friday rather than going to lunch with half the office, and would skip the Friday afternoon happy hour trip with some of my coworkers.)
We've also reached a happy understanding where we both agree he can always ask if I'd like to go to some social event. If I really need him to spend time with me (which I might ask 1 out of every 10 times), I can ask him to stay home with me. Otherwise, if I don't feel like going, I'm usually very happy to curl up with a good book, the cats, and a bottle of red wine for a few hours. He can go out and socialize to his heart's content and I can recharge in my own way. And when he comes home, we're both in a great headspace and good mood, if you catch my drift.
I get what you're saying. I don't dislike extroverts at all. What I dislike about them is some of them don't respect your privacy, get up in your face, and get mad when you don't want to talk to them. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not trying to be friendly with everyone I see in public. I don't start conversations with strangers.
I've noticed that many extroverts get upset if you're not as open as they are. They'll freely share personal information about themselves and then expect you to do the same, even though you never asked them to share so much. In a way, it feels like a tactic. They open up to you expecting you to reciprocate. And then they make you feel guilty for not wanting to share.
I've noticed that many extroverts get upset if you're not as open as they are. They'll freely share personal information about themselves and then expect you to do the same, even though you never asked them to share so much. In a way, it feels like a tactic. They open up to you expecting you to reciprocate. And then they make you feel guilty for not wanting to share.
good job on not turning it into a bashing thread.
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