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I don't think it's too much of an understatement. When things start to progress, that DOES happen. At this point, maybe you'll get some insight by his body language…but that can be tricky to read in the beginning. If he is shy or feeling uncomfortable he may NOT be able to maintain eye contact, even if he IS into you. A certain level of comfort has to be established first.
I'm kind of like you, by the way. If I like somebody, I think about them all the time and would be perfectly happy texting all day long. (Talking on the phone, not so much, but texting you can squeeze in between doing other stuff…). I do have friends that I will do this with on occasion, but it's not a very realistic expectation. Bcs people do have jobs and stuff to do, after all!!
It's fun every now and then though.
Yeah, I'm restraining myself as we speak and planning my next text to him already lol. It sure would be fun to flirt by text, but I don't see him doing that anytime soon necessarily, so I won't make him feel pressured to do that. But again, for all I know, he's thinking of me as a total friend and that's it.
I would suggest you approach him like you would approach anyone else in your church that you want to talk to. You do talk to other people, don't you? Next time you walk into the room he is in, look around and find how many different things there are in that room that other people may not have noticed. It doesn't matter where you are, there are things around you, that you can talk about. It might be a painting on the wall, or a light fixture that's a bit different, or the cover on his Bible, or some of his reading material. The list is endless, and with a bit of practice, approaching a person and speaking to them becomes easier. Try it on someone else before approaching him, if that would make you feel better. People have a tendency to think you are stuck up or a snob if you are shy and not easy to approach. Being friendly, and having a smile on your face helps too.
I would love to be texting with him all day but that's just how I am, I know many are not like that. So I will try to keep it light. I expect that I will see him Sunday at church. My birthday is Saturday; I did not tell him, so that I wouldn't sound like I was expecting him to do something (though I would LOVE that!!!). But maybe I'll try to somehow bring it up casually later in the week, not sure.
Now I'm just wondering how much if any of an interest he has in me, and if he does, will it show through his questions or whatever to me. I've always imagined in my mind that the next guy I get with will be totally into me and gaze into my eyes and tell me how interested he is in me and how pretty I am, etc. etc. Too much fantasy??
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail
Yeah, I'm restraining myself as we speak and planning my next text to him already lol. It sure would be fun to flirt by text, but I don't see him doing that anytime soon necessarily, so I won't make him feel pressured to do that. But again, for all I know, he's thinking of me as a total friend and that's it.
AE4D, just chill. As you mention, "keep it light".
Don't pressure him, although "pressure" is relative and since you're just getting to know him you don't yet know what his "emotional sensitivities" are. Without knowing it, you might push him too hard, and he'll pull away. If that happens, and regardless of whether you know what you said or did, ASK HIM, don't just sit there and wonder....you'll probably just be wrong. Let him tell you what it was so you know and try not to do it again. And the same advice in reverse, if he says or does something you don't like....TELL HIM. If they're little things, treat them like speed bumps, and continue down the road. Open communication. Honest communication.
Careful on Saturday...early Happy Birthday!...don't be hurt if you don't hear from him with his birthday wishes. If he doesn't know, how can you realistically expect him to acknowledge it in some way? How do you think he'll feel on Sunday when you see him at church and you let slip that your birthday was the day before and you had not told him? "Awww, golly geewillikers (is that how you all talk at church? ), I wish I had known, I would have gotten you something and maybe we could have gone out and done something to celebrate." Are you doing something with your family Saturday? Perhaps you can invite "the guy" to join you. Doing something special just for yourself? Ask him to get together with you.
"Too much fantasy"? Not really, at least for what you wrote out. It's the "etc., etc." that could be hurtful (only because it may not happen that way). I sense that you anticipate and build up a relationship A LOT, sort of like writing a fairy tale (I'm not bashing, really, I'm not, it's just the best metaphor I could come up with on one cup of coffee) with a prince, a princess, a castle, a dragon, a great battle, a great victory, and "They Lived Happily Ever After." You know, something like a "school girl" would write..................remember your title to this thread? Don't set such wonderful, amazing, stupendous, tremendous hurdles for the guys you're interested in - it's too easy for them to let you down..........and they never even knew they had those hurdles to jump over.
If it doesn't work out romantically with the guy, AE4D, what's wrong with being a "total friend" with him? What does "total friend" mean to you anyway? It seems like a not so bad alternative. By the way you've described him (shy and reserved, right?) maybe he has a long fuse for romance, especially since he's experienced a divorce. And, golly gosh darn it, keep looking for other possible romantic interests. Eggs. Basket. ya' know?
So................chill, don't over-anticipate the future, let things develop naturally, be a little assertive if things are a bit too slow, but most of all HAVE FUN.
Last edited by NavyMustang; 09-11-2014 at 07:58 AM..
Yeah, I'm restraining myself as we speak and planning my next text to him already lol. It sure would be fun to flirt by text, but I don't see him doing that anytime soon necessarily, so I won't make him feel pressured to do that. But again, for all I know, he's thinking of me as a total friend and that's it.
Because you want that high you get from the flirting. At this point, it's not so much about the guy.
You need to relax or you will chase this guy away and end up down the same path you have followed in the past.
Remember ... you said you wanted to STOP acting like a schoolgirl.
STOP ACTING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL! You are a grown up woman - act with CONFIDENCE, work it, OWN IT - confidence is SEXY and attractive. Do not let your eagerness show through no matter HOW much you fantasize. This is a skill, I have taught it to myself.
Always dress your best so that you feel confident in yourself and how you look. Every day tell yourself that you are sexy and beautiful and attractive. You can practice smiling and talking to the mirror. Learn to work your eyes! Eyes are the window to the soul. Also, you can sometimes tell if someone is into you if their pupils dilate when they are looking at you. And lastly, GIVE HIM COMPLIMENTS, but in a flirty way. All guys love compliments. But they need to be genuine and not too gushy. Learn to touch him when you talk, like just a tap on the shoulder or opportunity to brush his arm or hand, etc. Touch is powerful. Believe me, this stuff works.
STOP ACTING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL! You are a grown up woman - act with CONFIDENCE, work it, OWN IT - confidence is SEXY and attractive. Do not let your eagerness show through no matter HOW much you fantasize. This is a skill, I have taught it to myself.
Always dress your best so that you feel confident in yourself and how you look. Every day tell yourself that you are sexy and beautiful and attractive. You can practice smiling and talking to the mirror. Learn to work your eyes! Eyes are the window to the soul. Also, you can sometimes tell if someone is into you if their pupils dilate when they are looking at you. And lastly, GIVE HIM COMPLIMENTS, but in a flirty way. All guys love compliments. But they need to be genuine and not too gushy. Learn to touch him when you talk, like just a tap on the shoulder or opportunity to brush his arm or hand, etc. Touch is powerful. Believe me, this stuff works.
Good luck to you!
And, AE4D, don't forget to work your hair...great hair, but I already told you that ...twirl it, shake it, run your fingers through it, drape it over his shoulder, stand upwind so he can smell your shampoo --- doesn't every woman know how to do these things?
gypsychic, this is great advice for some of of the "shy guys" that post on CD-R....just replace "woman" with "man", "him" with "her", "guys" with "gals" and it's like Chapters 3 through 7 in a self help book on meeting women.
Because you want that high you get from the flirting. At this point, it's not so much about the guy.
You need to relax or you will chase this guy away and end up down the same path you have followed in the past.
Remember ... you said you wanted to STOP acting like a schoolgirl.
It totally dawned on me last night that I DO want that high from flirting, and that's what this is all about. Sadly, I'm not a schoolgirl anymore, I'm a middle-aged woman who is currently crushing on a 50-year-old man (Navy -- I found out that it was HIS birthday Sept. 2! and he never told anyone!!).
This 50-year-old man also has 4 kids, ranging in age from 7-16. I sat down last night and realized this isn't a game, this could be the future for 3 young children. The main reason, actually, that this came to mind is because my girlfriends told me this fact. Way to shoot my balloon down, girls!
It totally dawned on me last night that I DO want that high from flirting, and that's what this is all about. Sadly, I'm not a schoolgirl anymore, I'm a middle-aged woman who is currently crushing on a 50-year-old man.
It's ok. I know whereof I speak.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail
This 50-year-old man also has 4 kids, ranging in age from 7-16. I sat down last night and realized this isn't a game, this could be the future for 3 young children.
AE4D, just chill. As you mention, "keep it light".
Careful on Saturday...early Happy Birthday!...don't be hurt if you don't hear from him with his birthday wishes. If he doesn't know, how can you realistically expect him to acknowledge it in some way? How do you think he'll feel on Sunday when you see him at church and you let slip that your birthday was the day before and you had not told him? "Awww, golly geewillikers (is that how you all talk at church? ), I wish I had known, I would have gotten you something and maybe we could have gone out and done something to celebrate." Are you doing something with your family Saturday? Perhaps you can invite "the guy" to join you. Doing something special just for yourself? Ask him to get together with you.
I have received birthday wishes from him, as when he told me about his birthday earlier this month, I told him mine was coming up. (and no, we don't say geewillikers....)
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), I wish I had known, I would have gotten you something and maybe we could have gone out and done something to celebrate." Are you doing something with your family Saturday? Perhaps you can invite "the guy" to join you. Doing something special just for yourself? Ask him to get together with you.
...twirl it, shake it, run your fingers through it, drape it over his shoulder, stand upwind so he can smell your shampoo --- doesn't every woman know how to do these things? 
