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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57
This is no different than people making up fancier job titles on their resumes. I was an "executive administration coordinator." OK, so you were a secretary. People put the exaggerated title in the HOPE that they get a chance. It's the same kind of thing.
And that is wrong to and would get a offer letter rescinded when found out.
If their title was officially "executive admin coordinator" then it is fine. If it is not, it is not fine.
At multiple places I've worked we've rescinded offers or let people go when we found out the "executive assistant"s title was really "secretary". There is no room for that lying. It will, and should, get you dismissed.
Same thing with a date. I've encountered it. We all know it happens. One with a particular awesome women otherwise. It ended, right there. It had to.
the thing is that it's manipulative in the sense that you gained an advantage surreptitiously and if that is an example to go by then what else would you be willing to do with some personal justification that it is right?
I have come across this a few times. A woman will list her age a few years younger on her profile and then state on her profile her true age with the statement "I'm actually X+5 but I listed X so that I show up in the searches"
Do you think this sort of bait and switch is acceptable? This same woman then goes on to say how important morals and values are to her. Does values including what I would consider essentially lying?
The medium kind of sets people up for that, IMO. Clearly, this was an honest person, because she gave her real age up front. She was just trying to game the system, which, considering how warped the system is, is valid, IMO. And men do do this sort of thing, too. Someone recently had a speed-dating thread here, and said a guy who was older than the stated parameters of the event had managed to crash the gate.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,016,353 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374
the thing is that it's manipulative in the sense that you gained an advantage surreptitiously and if that is an example to go by then what else would you be willing to do with some personal justification that it is right?
One I see, and have encountered, is that when they say they're divorced, they are actually separated.
I'm not against going on a date with a separated woman. But if she put in her profile she is divorced and when we speak it is really separated. Nope. Game over.
And that is wrong to and would get a offer letter rescinded when found out.
If their title was officially "executive admin coordinator" then it is fine. If it is not, it is not fine.
At multiple places I've worked we've rescinded offers or let people go when we found out the "executive assistant"s title was really "secretary". There is no room for that lying. It will, and should, get you dismissed.
Same thing with a date. I've encountered it. We all know it happens. One with a particular awesome women otherwise. It ended, right there. It had to.
Typically, the titles are actual title but the job function and duties are still "secretary." The company just had some euphemism. Where I work we call our janitorial staff "maintenance." Our secretaries are part of the larger class of "administration" and they all have some kind of euphemistic title where seniority bestows the qualifier "executive" or something. If the person shined in the interview I wouldn't eliminate them for that.
I'm 5'10" and a half so I round up to 5'11" - with my shoes on that's how tall I am. I don't really know if that makes a difference but I'm trying not to get eliminated arbitrarily. That half inch is meaningless and people choose arbitrary lines without even thinking about it - the system gives them choices and they pick one.
It's one of the biggest things I hate about OLD. In real life you don't know someone's exact age, and if you're attracted to them and they turn out to be 4 years older or younger than you thought - you probably would not eliminate them for that. But in OLD you can have a birthday and suddenly the next day that eliminates dozens of possibilities. I have my real age on there but I can see how people would be tempted to change it by 2 or 3.
Furthermore, people in real life fudge their age ALL THE TIME. Especially women.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,016,353 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57
Typically, the titles are actual title but the job function and duties are still "secretary." The company just had some euphemism. Where I work we call our janitorial staff "maintenance." Our secretaries are part of the larger class of "administration" and they all have some kind of euphemistic title where seniority bestows the qualifier "executive" or something. If the person shined in the interview I wouldn't eliminate them for that.
I understand that. But if the company calls you that, it is an official title. That is what you put on the resume. The duties would be same, that is what would get the interview.
It is a problem though when your official title is "receptionist" and you lie on the resume. That is never acceptable and grounds for dismissal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57
It's one of the biggest things I hate about OLD. In real life you don't know someone's exact age, and if you're attracted to them and they turn out to be 4 years older or younger than you thought - you probably would not eliminate them for that. But in OLD you can have a birthday and suddenly the next day that eliminates dozens of possibilities.
Sure, as I mentioned before. My current GF and I met in real life. We looked re-activated and looked at each other's OKC profiles. She fell outside of my age range (too young by a year) in my searches. We would never have met online, unless she messaged me first. I'd say half of the women that messaged me on OKC were outside of my preferred range.
That is one of the difference between real life and OLD. It is what it is, but lying to game the system is not acceptable. It is dishonest.
It is one of many reasons not to rely on either forum exclusively.
The medium kind of sets people up for that, IMO. Clearly, this was an honest person, because she gave her real age up front. She was just trying to game the system, which, considering how warped the system is, is valid, IMO. And men do do this sort of thing, too. Someone recently had a speed-dating thread here, and said a guy who was older than the stated parameters of the event had managed to crash the gate.
But when does one draw the line? Someone with kids could say that they don't have kids to skirt the search parameters and then admit to actually having them in their profile. A married person looking to cheat could say they're single, but then admit in the first message that they're married.
It's lying. It may be "lying to game the system" and therefore seen as less nefarious, but it's still lying. One would need to decide for themselves whether or not that's within their moral code. I don't feel it is. Several of the women (and men) here seem to think it is because it worked for them, and that's ok for them. But they're acknowledging that it's ok to lie for reason XYZ.
I think it's ok to lie to spare someone's feelings. "Sure, I like that haircut". "Yes, your baby is adorable". I don't think it's ok to lie to game an OLD system because there's a reason that those parameters were put in. Some people do.
The big deal is they lied to manipulate the system.
If I was 5'11 tall. Would it be ok for me to put 6'? No. It would not. It would be lying.
It's not lying if in the first sentence you tell your real age. I don't do this, btw, but I wouldn't call someone manipulative for doing it.
I don't understand what the big deal is. If the person was attractive to you so you clicked on the picture, would she suddenly be unattractive if she was 50 and not 49? You can say it's the "lying" that would make her unattractive, but you'd never have seen her profile otherwise, and there are other men who would be more understanding of it and even glad she did it because they do find her attractive.
What if you make $49,500.00 a year, but you check the $50,000 box rather than $25-50,000, does that make you a liar as well?
I think it is honest but terribly sad. Basically what they are saying is that they think they have to settle for a man who is so un-self-aware (and has such issues about his gender) that he excludes women his own age from searches. They are saying they have given up on finding a decent man.
I wasn't actively doing online dating then but last year I ran an experiment on this. I put in a much younger age with a current photo. I got many responses, including men who had previously rejected me when I contacted them months earlier with my real age. While people shouldn't lie, when men do reject based on age it makes sense.
I've started lying to women under 24 so that they won't reject me based on the age difference. I advise all men to do the same. Unless you want to date post-prime menopausal infertile women. If you do, then you needn't lie. If you want to start a family with a young woman, then lie your ass off.
How do you know a woman is post menopausal? I know a woman in her 50's who just had a baby and another who went through menopause very early (late 20's). Yet so many would think the younger is more fertile.
Btw I once dated a man who lied about his age and once he admitted he lied I dumped him.
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