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Funny thing though. People here are talking about the stigma of divorce. I think there is a point in life where one can get the "Stigma of single-hood." Once you reach a certain age (different for everyone I think but maybe someone over 40) there is a feeling of, "gee, he/she's never been married. What's wrong with him/her?" It's like the stigma of single vs. divorced flips flops.
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Originally Posted by Memphis1979
I never married my ex. I still tell people I went through a divorce, because after 11 years, thats sure what it felt like. I didn't have to go to court or anything like other folks, but the feelings, it was a divorce.
I feel like that qualifies as divorced. I'm wondering what other folks here think. But then, I was surprised they thought the other way was a lie.
..........Funny thing though. People here are talking about the stigma of divorce. I think there is a point in life where one can get the "Stigma of single-hood." Once you reach a certain age (different for everyone I think but maybe someone over 40) there is a feeling of, "gee, he/she's never been married. What's wrong with him/her?" It's like the stigma of single vs. divorced flips flops.
That is the point although for me it is no about the stigma but just, as I said pages ago, the experience background.
For me, there is a huge difference of being over 40 and never have been married as oppose to having been married, once, long ago.
Divorced. Single to me means never married. Some people with annulments put single or never married but in reality they have been married.
This. Words mean things, and the two have distinct and separate meanings. The intent behind describing oneself as 'single' rather than 'divorced' is to avoid stigma, when in truth divorce carries no stigma anymore.
Because often the situation was approached where the person was listed as single.
Having that said in the first words sounds quite frankly like a "Bait and Switch".
I describe myself as "single." I was married less than 10 years, so I have been single for more years than I was married. I have no children. My ex is completely out of my life. So, why call myself "divorced."
Honestly, if one divorces free and clear of kids and debts and ex-spouse, then I think only those Catholics who plan to remarry should be worried about single vs. divorced. Say divorced when it's still fresh, so that people who knew you as a married will be alerted that situation has ended. Then it's single after that.
Let me see if I can describe this from two different angles.
Say I am dating someone who says they are single but are actually divorced. Say we got through the relationship and get married and 'problems' developed. Then he is in the prospect of saying, "Ohhhh, I've seen this before.........," while I'm operating from a standpoint of having never seen it before and am trying to work it out......while he's already been there, done that.
Or secondly......one does know, well perhaps they don't if they haven't been in that world, that one never places a defector in a position of great trust. For any man who has turned his back on his country once, while he may be welcomed by the other side, is not to be trusted by the other side for what is to keep him from betraying his new friends given that he has already betrayed his greatest friends?
Similar thing here. At 50+, if I go into marriage, I am not looking, not wanting it to end in divorce. If the man I am seeing who said he is single is actually someone who is divorced and has at least once given up on a marriage, what is to say that he won't give up on our marriage should he reach similar circumstances? At 50+, finding that "difference in interpretations" would be a major disaster to me.
Say I am dating someone who says they are single but...
In a verbal exchange there is NO excuse to be anything but honest and clear.
No hedging. No avoiding.
In a written format where there is a choice... there is NO excuse to be anything but honest and clear.
No hedging. No avoiding.
In a written format where it's vague or is no choice (like with some online dating profiles)...
you can justify going with the closest to generally true and correct or be specific later.
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Say divorced when it's still fresh, so that people who knew you as a married will be alerted that situation has ended. Then it's single after that.
