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Robyn - I'm sorry TJ is showing his true colors regarding the kids...it's very hard on you and the kids.
If I've shared this before, forgive me for repeating myself - My son's father decided he wanted to be with someone else when I was 6 months pregnant. To make a long story short, his mother and sister were similar to TJ's - They actually had the nerve to suggest that I go somewhere and have an abortion at six months to make things easier on HIM!
In any case, he was absent from my son's live until my son was about 2 or 2-1/2, then decided to "exert" his parental rights. That lasted for about a year, until he realized what was involved, even on an every-other-weekend basis. My heart ached every time I had to send my son to stay with his dad. Once his dad realized all that was involved, he no longer wanted the every-other-weekends and just stopped seeing him....except he always wanted him on Christmas Day to spend with his family....go figure.
As young as he was, my son figured it out rather quickly, he saw his father for what he was. I always made sure to invite his dad to any special events in our son's life, and then it was up to him whether or not to participate. It was a hard lesson for both my son and I. Your kids will see what's going on and I believe that at some point, they will "have plans" for the times TJ is supposed to see them.....he will "reap what he has sown" so to speak, and he will probably not acknowledge his role in this 'separation' and will blame it on you.
Regarding work, just a suggestion - start documenting each time you are pulled away from your work to do someone else's or to help someone else do something. The next time you are told you are not getting your work done, you will have documentation of why. In the meantime, now that things are settling down on the personal front, start looking for another job where you will be happier and respected...............
Well, you know, I am glad he is showing his true colors.
Hate to say it, but it is better now than down the line, with his confidence having been earned as a 'good' parent, and then them being disappointed.
I am disappointed. I am disappointed that he would be this way. But again, better know now, than later on down the line.
I think of all the times he said to me that he is the only parent they know, that they do not know me as their mother, that they know him as both parents, mother and father.
I think of being worreid when he said that, because I was having so many migraines.
Now, just a couple, maybe three. Only one like I used to have.
There is no way in this world that thekids ever thought of him as both parents. With him the way he is now, I can imagine that they are just confused.
I in no way think they are at the point of acceptance of his behavior. I think that will come in time.
Yes, it saddens me. It saddens me to think he does not care.
How could a parent not even care?
D2D.... when I was pregnant w L, he wanted me to terminate my pregnancy.
His mother did not want me to have another child either.
She did not want me to have A. She was not ready to be a grandparent. Not the first time, not the second time.
IMO, she is still not ready. He is not ready. That does not stop him from trying to give me parenting skills.
There are moments in you life that make you who your are and set the course of who you're going to be.
Sometimes they're little, subtle monuments. Sometimes they're big moments you never saw coming.
No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It is what you do afterwards that counts.
That's when you find out who you are.
He has found out that he can't handle life or the changes that have come. He doesn't know how to make himself happy or whole. Life will not get better for him till he learns to accept change and learn from it.
You have found out how strong you really are, that you can handle more than you thought you ever could. Congratulations on making change, allowing the change and embracing the change. Life will always have it's bumps in the road, it's how you traverse them.
Don't ever be down on your self for not always taking the high road. We are only human, or only angels with one wing. We are not perfect, we can only do our best.
Best Wishes to you and the kids ... you and your children are always in my thoughts and prayers
I am glad that A will talk to someone - it will be so good for him. He must be so confused - he has no idea why his dad is abandoning them. But honestly tj is trying to make you see how hard it is. My ex did this too and the kids never got over it. But that is what he is doing. He can't see that you don't need him - they do. If he was the type of person that could "get" it - you wouldn't have had the (non) relationship with him that you have and did. He wants to punish you by making you handle all the problems in the situation. And really - therapy to him is probably scary - someone messing with your head. He didn't get the help he needed as a child and his family probably mocks therapy. It's also scary because it makes you take responsible for your actions and does not allow you to blame anyone else.....He can't handle it.
Don't feel bad about venting - you need to vent to us and to the people in your life - because you can't say anything to your kids. They need to see it for themselves - or else they will blame you for it. But don't make excuses for him - tell it like it is - but don't judge him to them. It's hard and it sucks - but it is best for them and I know you know it - you are doing it and always have. Keep your chin up. Being the mommy sucks sometimes and then other times you're the mommy sandwich!
So we took a hike... strange kids in the woods, didn't stay long.
I think they were just having a good time, dont know. Teenagers, dressed in pants that were like tights, some twith shirts, some with out. They had shields and arrows, some of them ,the ones with no shirts had some crazy mess around their necks.
Screaming out code words as the kids and I came along, then another group up the way...
then we went and were int he grocery store and ib calls me, it is his time to talk to the kids. I called the house and no one answered the phone, we are not home. What time is it? I hand over the phone. Then I call him back because I had left a message earlier that he had not returned in re to what month did he think he was in, every other week or 3/1.
Every other. So later, I get home and I have missed a certified letter from him. Says I can get in between the hours of 830 and 12. Guess what? I am at work between those hours.
I call him, what did you send me. A certified letter. Whats in it? I can't get it...
You are gonna have to. No. Only can get it up til 12. You're gonna have to take off.
No I am not. Whats in it? About taxes he says. Loudness in the background, like a party.
I told him he could either tell me what he wants me to know or forget about it, it will be delivered back.
He wants copies of all of our tax returns for the irs. Whatever, I gave him all of his w-4s and told him he would have to go to the IRS and they would send them to him.
We were standing in the store looking at some things and A came up to me, we were facing eachother. He put his arms around me resting his chin on the top of my head, a great big hug.
I love you so much Mommy. Then L comes behind me and hugs us both... We are the three musketeers they both say in unison, like they were both thinking the very same thing, at the very same time.
I smiled happily, surrounded by the love of my kids. I stood there, hardly able to believe I could feel my little boy resting his chin on my head. My little boy.
Hi cinderoybn, and everyone else too.
Believe it or not, I actually have tonight off. I mean, the whole entire night! I'm not even on-call this weekend. I make a big deal of it, because it is rare for me. The last time I had a full night off, without being on call, was on Christmas day and that night. I got off this morning at 6:00 am, (an hour early), and I been doing all kinds of stuff today. Even getting to post on these forums as much as I like today. Of course, I also went on a quest for the perfect Valentine card for my sweetie. I found it, and have it stored away. But, if she sends me an e-card like she did at Thanksgiving, then here is what I promise. I will never, ever buy her another real card, (ever!). Today was a pretty nice day here where I live. A little cold, but sunny and nice anyway. I do have some sad news to report though! My poor ol' cat (who was pregnant), got ran over by a car and killed. She had been with me for over two years, and I'm going to miss that crazy cat so bad. I do take comfort in the fact, that she had a pretty good life, while she was here. I also went grocery shopping today, and made a big mistake. I bought two twelve packs of Pepsi, was in a hurry, and just noticed about an hour ago, that I had grabbed up de-caf pepsi. They WILL be going back for exchange tomorrow. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing pretty well out there. And, I hate to read of the inner-pain cinderoybn must feel because of these things that involve the children. The positive that I can see, is that your children aren't todlers. They can kinda speak their own mind about some of this stuff. Still, I know all this stuff can get frustrating, and I WILL keep you in my prayers! Well, I'm gonna try to get together with my fiance here in a couple of hours. Jut think folks, I don't have to be back in to work until 11:00pm sunday night! As roybn would say, (YAY!) Take care all, and have a great sunday as well!
Hi cinderoybn, and everyone else too.
Believe it or not, I actually have tonight off. I mean, the whole entire night! I'm not even on-call this weekend. I make a big deal of it, because it is rare for me. The last time I had a full night off, without being on call, was on Christmas day and that night. I got off this morning at 6:00 am, (an hour early), and I been doing all kinds of stuff today. Even getting to post on these forums as much as I like today. Of course, I also went on a quest for the perfect Valentine card for my sweetie. I found it, and have it stored away. But, if she sends me an e-card like she did at Thanksgiving, then here is what I promise. I will never, ever buy her another real card, (ever!). Today was a pretty nice day here where I live. A little cold, but sunny and nice anyway. I do have some sad news to report though! My poor ol' cat (who was pregnant), got ran over by a car and killed. She had been with me for over two years, and I'm going to miss that crazy cat so bad. I do take comfort in the fact, that she had a pretty good life, while she was here. I also went grocery shopping today, and made a big mistake. I bought two twelve packs of Pepsi, was in a hurry, and just noticed about an hour ago, that I had grabbed up de-caf pepsi. They WILL be going back for exchange tomorrow. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing pretty well out there. And, I hate to read of the inner-pain cinderoybn must feel because of these things that involve the children. The positive that I can see, is that your children aren't todlers. They can kinda speak their own mind about some of this stuff. Still, I know all this stuff can get frustrating, and I WILL keep you in my prayers! Well, I'm gonna try to get together with my fiance here in a couple of hours. Jut think folks, I don't have to be back in to work until 11:00pm sunday night! As roybn would say, (YAY!) Take care all, and have a great sunday as well!
So sorry to hear about your cat Dennis..
yes, inner pain. But, I work it out, in time.
And yes... YAY that you are off... Yay and yay and yay!!!
Hi cinderoybn, and everyone else too.
Believe it or not, I actually have tonight off. I mean, the whole entire night! I'm not even on-call this weekend. I make a big deal of it, because it is rare for me. The last time I had a full night off, without being on call, was on Christmas day and that night. I got off this morning at 6:00 am, (an hour early), and I been doing all kinds of stuff today. Even getting to post on these forums as much as I like today. Of course, I also went on a quest for the perfect Valentine card for my sweetie. I found it, and have it stored away. But, if she sends me an e-card like she did at Thanksgiving, then here is what I promise. I will never, ever buy her another real card, (ever!). Today was a pretty nice day here where I live. A little cold, but sunny and nice anyway. I do have some sad news to report though! My poor ol' cat (who was pregnant), got ran over by a car and killed. She had been with me for over two years, and I'm going to miss that crazy cat so bad. I do take comfort in the fact, that she had a pretty good life, while she was here. I also went grocery shopping today, and made a big mistake. I bought two twelve packs of Pepsi, was in a hurry, and just noticed about an hour ago, that I had grabbed up de-caf pepsi. They WILL be going back for exchange tomorrow. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing pretty well out there. And, I hate to read of the inner-pain cinderoybn must feel because of these things that involve the children. The positive that I can see, is that your children aren't todlers. They can kinda speak their own mind about some of this stuff. Still, I know all this stuff can get frustrating, and I WILL keep you in my prayers! Well, I'm gonna try to get together with my fiance here in a couple of hours. Jut think folks, I don't have to be back in to work until 11:00pm sunday night! As roybn would say, (YAY!) Take care all, and have a great sunday as well!
Dennis - I'm so sorry to hear about your "crazy cat." Our little critters bring us such joy and I'm sure yours is now at "Rainbow Bridge" with my old cat, Scootch....just waiting for us......
Decaf Pepsi! Good heavens man, take it back when the store opens! That will never do!!!!!
Enjoy your time off tonight and have a good time with your fiancee!!
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