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My nephew was in a similar situation little over a year ago. Girlfriend got the baby bug, he knew it and although I repeatedly warned him he refused to wrap it and low and behold she got pregnant. Stupid is as stupid does. Now he has a beautiful baby daughter that he loves even though he did not want kids now.
You are just going to have to decide if you can swallow your pride and accept your lack of responsibility in this, forgive, put your children first. What is really more important your child and this yet to be born child or your feeling of betrayal? If it is the later the only thing to do is move on and prepare for more child support and visitation schedules. There are worse things in life than having another child.
You act like she basically didn't commit a crime. This is a crime (not on the books, but it should be). It should be punished. She lied resulting in a child, a human being, one that costs tens of thousands per year. She honestly should be in jail.
Still, I believe in caring for the kid like nothing ever bad has happened. But the woman deserves more than a slap to the face.
You act like she basically didn't commit a crime. This is a crime (not on the books, but it should be). It should be punished. She lied resulting in a child, a human being, one that costs tens of thousands per year. She honestly should be in jail.
Still, I believe in caring for the kid like nothing ever bad has happened. But the woman deserves more than a slap to the face.
Oh please. What she did was dishonest, deceitful and definitely wrong but hardly a crime. No one should ever take the word of the other party when it comes to sex. It is each individuals responsibility to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy and STDs.
If you prosecuted everyone that told a lie involving sexual encounters (I'm sterile, I'm on the pill, I'll pull out, I don't have any STDs, Im not married, your my first, blah blah blah) an every instance of birth control fail ( missed a pill, on anti-biotics, condom broke, too drunk to put it on correctly) the courts would be full.
My girlfriend and I have one child already, and we've been together for about 5-6 years (on and off a couple of times). I have 2 children from a prior long term relationship. Recently over the past couple of years she has been repeatedly bring up marriage and having more children. Within the last few month, the child debate has come up several times weekly, and I have strongly expressed my opposition to having more children that we both can not afford.
A few hours ago, she tells me that she's pregnant. When I press her on how, he tells me that she stopped taking her birth control, and claims she informed me of this when she stated back in July that she "needed to make an appointment to get more in August." I did ask her if she was still taking it, and she did tell me she needed to get more, but stated she still had some and has been taking it.
Now that I think back, she's been gaining a lot of weight over the past 2-3 months, but she claimed it was because of her diabetes. She wanted a child, but I refused. She wanted a child to the point that we discussed breaking up, so she could move on and have one with someone else. She now tells me she's pregnant, and tries to tell me she did not lie about the birth control. She has a masters degree and is not stupid. I'm not stupid. It makes no logical sense that she would believe that I would have unprotected sex with her knowing that she was off birth control and knowing I didn't want more children. I feel like she planned this, lied about it, and now to add insult on top of injury, is trying to cover up her lie by putting it all on me.
How would you all handle this situation? Need advice...
She's probably just trying to force you into marriage, but you're obviously not the type to make an honest woman out of her or you would've done it already.
But that "simple" dishonesty, deceitfulness, and wrongful action led to a child. A CHILD. That's what makes it serious.
So what. You say that likes it a dirty word. Unplanned pregnancies happen everyday. Its not been so long ago that there were few contraceptive options and the risk of pregnancy was great and that never stopped guys from wetting their wicks. Apparently, the risk still doesn't stop them. The OP has 3 children already and hasn't taken steps to control his own reproduction. If the OP didn't see the risk with this pregnancy he has to be pretty dense. The seriousness should begin before the deed, not after.
She's probably just trying to force you into marriage, but you're obviously not the type to make an honest woman out of her or you would've done it already.
Interesting point. Apparently what was stopping him was her desire for more kids. Not just 1 more, but plural new kids. If they can't afford it, she doesn't seem grounded in reality. He should have broken up with her when she offered him that option. It should have been clear to him at that point how driven she was to have more kids.
So what. You say that likes it a dirty word. Unplanned pregnancies happen everyday. Its not been so long ago that there were few contraceptive options and the risk of pregnancy was great and that never stopped guys from wetting their wicks. Apparently, the risk still doesn't stop them. The OP has 3 children already and hasn't taken steps to control his own reproduction. If the OP didn't see the risk with this pregnancy he has to be pretty dense. The seriousness should begin before the deed, not after.
The average cost of raising a child is now at $245,000. I'd say that's pretty serious. Not to mention the effort (or at least 50% of it) of raising the child and the health risks associated with the pregnancy (albeit, smaller nowadays, but important if she is an earner for the household).
When has a loss of $245,000 due to dishonesty and deceitfulness not been practically a crime!?
My girlfriend and I have one child already, and we've been together for about 5-6 years (on and off a couple of times). I have 2 children from a prior long term relationship. Recently over the past couple of years she has been repeatedly bring up marriage and having more children. Within the last few month, the child debate has come up several times weekly, and I have strongly expressed my opposition to having more children that we both can not afford.
A few hours ago, she tells me that she's pregnant. When I press her on how, he tells me that she stopped taking her birth control, and claims she informed me of this when she stated back in July that she "needed to make an appointment to get more in August." I did ask her if she was still taking it, and she did tell me she needed to get more, but stated she still had some and has been taking it.
Now that I think back, she's been gaining a lot of weight over the past 2-3 months, but she claimed it was because of her diabetes. She wanted a child, but I refused. She wanted a child to the point that we discussed breaking up, so she could move on and have one with someone else. She now tells me she's pregnant, and tries to tell me she did not lie about the birth control. She has a masters degree and is not stupid. I'm not stupid. It makes no logical sense that she would believe that I would have unprotected sex with her knowing that she was off birth control and knowing I didn't want more children. I feel like she planned this, lied about it, and now to add insult on top of injury, is trying to cover up her lie by putting it all on me.
How would you all handle this situation? Need advice...
Sorry, Doni. But a lot of this is your own fault.
Sure, she didn't play straight with you. Absolutely. No question about it. She has lied to you and manipulated you. But if you didn't ever want kids, you should have arranged an appointment with your friendly neighborhood urologist, especially given how you have two kids from a previous relationship. That's a lot of child support checks you're scribbling out.
Here's the deal for all guys. Sex is a reproductive act. So every time you bump uglies, there's always a chance a pregnancy will result. Even with the pill. Why guys aren't more discerning is beyond me.
Sure, she didn't play straight with you. Absolutely. No question about it. She has lied to you and manipulated you. But if you didn't ever want kids, you should have arranged an appointment with your friendly neighborhood urologist.
Hopefully, he's already made one now. Because she told him she wants more than one. He needs to either get away from her, or get his own fertility under control.
We still haven't heard from the OP what he plans to do about this situation.
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