Ready to give up (too young, Latin, friend, living together)
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Except I'm married, have a good job, own a home, etc. I also don't use pretend words like "yanno."
Listen, I get that I probably didn't (and don't) come across as being very nice or even helpful, but there's a dose of reality in there for someone that seems to be a bit out of touch with the real world. Nothing personal about it, that reality IS the answer to her question, which as I recall was something along the lines of 'Why can't I find a relationships that fits my parameters?'
I'm guessing you haven't read the rest of the thread. She basically states that if he has kids that's deal breaking baggage, but her kids aren't baggage and the guy should be willing to buid a nuclear family around them.
What really blows me away is that the OP won't compromise on kids or age, but the idea of a daily pot smoker, maybe that's ok. There's some great thinking.
She states that she's been dating guys in their 20s for 10 years, maybe she didn't notice that 10 years ago SHE was in her 20s? I mean there was a time that I was pretty popular among women on the college campus, but that was more than 15 years ago at this point, so should I still think that I ought to be dating college aged women? It's ridiculous logic.
I'm not saying she should toss all standards out the window, but maybe just rethink a couple and consider other possibilities. Would a healthy guy that's maybe 41-45, has a decent job and has a well behaved kid be a bad match? Not in any sane person's view.
To be honest though after reading all the OP's responses I think the situation is worse, and most of those healthy guys in their early 40s with only one kid aren't going to be interested either. We've got exes with depression issues that will come crawling back and a low income and other problems.
My two bits, OP should hang it up for a bit and work on just making friends and being happy with life. See where that goes before worrying about finding a husband and building a family.
As a woman, I may not be happy about this, but again, it is reality. I have noticed it a LOT in online dating since you have to list your age preference most of the time. Very very rarely do I see men put a woman of their age as desirable. Usually women are seeking men their age, and men want someone younger.
To be honest, I've ran across a few men my age I wanted to talk to and thought would be a good match, but did not reach out to them because of their age preference. One was 39 and wanted someone 27-35. The other was 34 and wanted 25-30. I'm 35.
I think wanting someone 5 years younger isn't that big of a deal and I know some might want to cut off women over 35 for fertility issues, but I still don't think most women in their early 20s are dying to date men 10+ years older than them. At least I wasn't.
vfr800-cr Except I'm married, have a good job, own a home, etc. I also don't use pretend words like "yanno."
Your absolutely right, your married, have a good job, own a home, talk about pretend words?
Quote:
Listen, I get that I probably didn't (and don't) come across as being very nice or even helpful, but there's a dose of reality in there for someone that seems to be a bit out of touch with the real world. Nothing personal about it, that reality IS the answer to her question, which as I recall was something along the lines of 'Why can't I find a relationships that fits my parameters?'
you actually come off like some cocky know it all, who believes he has succeeded b/c he is married, owns a home and has a good job. So do a whole lot of us! That doesn't make us above any one else...
so go rub her face in it some more, if that is what turns you on....
I agree, she's made some very bad and nasty choices and she does intimidate herself, however, show some human manners....b/c the Wise Guy attitude just doesn't cut it.
And BTW, your whole life can turn around in a matter of seconds, so it would be wise to be just a tad kinder.
All I got from your post is that you're 35 and would date a 20 year old, but any woman over 30 is too old for you.
When I was in my 20s I was a broke college student and dating sucked. Living at home with mom and dad because I couldn't afford to pay rent, work, and go to school all at the same time. Women my age were mostly interested in men in late 20s or 30s. Guys that had already finished school and had that post college job and were making more then the $8-10/hour I was making. In short women do not have a problem dating older men UNTIL women get into their 30s and start complaining that men don't date women their own age.
Now that I'm in my 30s guess what? I am the guy that women in their 20s date because I am successful and they don't want to date the broke unestablished men in their 20s like I used to be. I date women in their 20s because I can. Women in their 20s date professional men in their 30s because they can.
Your absolutely right, your married, have a good job, own a home, talk about pretend words?
you actually come off like some cocky know it all, who believes he has succeeded b/c he is married, owns a home and has a good job. So do a whole lot of us! That doesn't make us above any one else...
so go rub her face in it some more, if that is what turns you on....
I agree, she's made some very bad and nasty choices and she does intimidate herself, however, show some human manners....b/c the Wise Guy attitude just doesn't cut it.
And BTW, your whole life can turn around in a matter of seconds, so it would be wise to be just a tad kinder.
Interesting......I'm not trying to judge the OPs choices, we've all got our own issues and I'm sure mine aren't always real impressive either. I do know who I am though and I'm comfortable with it. I'm not sure the OP really understands who she is, let alone getting comfortable with herself. No ill manners intended, just trying to give an honest answer as to what the issue is. It's not always bad to look at yourself through the eyes of others. It may take a bit of a thick skin, but there's no better way to see who you really are and what you may want to work on.
All I got from your post is that you're 35 and would date a 20 year old, but any woman over 30 is too old for you.
That's strange because when I read his post, I saw a guy that owned a successful business, was healthy, does not take drugs, has no children and believes in moderation.
I'm around a similar age and also get interest from younger women as well as older. I have no interest in dating and prefer to remain single but I noticed as I got older, I got more interest overall. In short, for many men, their options increase with age to a certain point.
The point is that Montanaguy04 is desirable to younger women. He isn't going to date a single mom in her 30's because he doesn't have to do that.
Here is a tidbit of unpleasant truth for women (especially for single moms). You aren't the prize. Men who have their act together and have no baggage are the prize.
Um, no. The prize is when two people connect. Then, both should consider the other to be the prize.
This is true and many women do not seem to understand that.
Today many young women want to "explore themself" and date a lot of guys but not commit to a relationship because they think they can have it all.
When they get older, ready to "settle down" and have a family (or after they are divorced and a "single mum"), they discover that men are no longer availlable as easily as they used to be when those women were young.
Have you ever read those articles written by frustrated women in their fourties: "Where have all the good men gone?" or "Why don´t men want to marry anymore these days?". Well...many of them are still around but they won´t date those women in their fourties because now they have other options.
I really think this is a regional thing, because I don't see women of any particular age group around here having trouble getting desirable men. These are women who have a lot to offer, though.
When I was 20, most women my age were with guys who were a few years older, because they had better jobs, they had nice cars and they were more experienced. Many women, especially younger women, go for guys who are a few years older.
4 years ago, when I was 43, I had a short affair with a 27 year old woman. I am sure, this woman would not have even looked at me, if I was her age.
I'm 33 and I wouldn't touch a 43 year old now. You men need to stop generalizing stupid ****.
I think what the poster meant was more along the lines of: a mid 30's woman with a divorce behind her and two fatherless children should not expect to be chased, courted and generally receive the pretty pretty princess treatment from the most gallant and eligible knights in the land...
...which is exactly what OP is expecting.
Someone upthread put it in excellent terms: A man with the attributes she describes in her initial post can do better than her. Much better.
Okay, that's valid. It's just annoying how quickly men's knuckles have hit the floor in this thread. It's one thing to address the OP's situation, but to make blanket statements about all women is just ridiculous.
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There's some great thinking. 
